tante punya cerita

bangun pagi biar donlot cepet... ehhh taunya FS mentok di 10kb/s

not such a good day today, tersiksa karna pergelangan tangan (sepertinya) terkilir dari kemarin... ga bisa ngapa2in. dari pagi terus di depan kompi... nonton stok2 tv series sama movie yg blom di tonton.. bosaaaannnnn

hari ini berniat merubah status dari bintang 2 ke bintang 3
RALAT : UDAH BINTANG 3

hmm... tante cerita apa ya hari ini??? nampak ga ada ide nih... tar d update aja deh...

update.....
ponakan saia masuk FORBES MAGAZINE

 

Dear Diary......

hari ini cerita apa ya???
abis nonton pelm last night.... endingnya bikin bingung terus nonton little focker, ga selesai... garing

mati gaya, karna jobless, ksehatan rada ga bagus sah rasanya kalo life's suck today... sampe jam 4an tadi terima telpon buat job interview. ntah harus seneng pa bete yahhh... seneng karena ada kesempatan buat kerja, bete karna ini untuk kesekian kalinya ngikut job interview dan blom ada yg tembus

apa yg salah sama saia sampe kok rasanya susaaaaahhh gitu dapet kerjaan. maybe its me or maybe its the system tidak diberkahi dengan badan bagus atau muka cantik bikin saia kesel sama orang2 rekrutmen (even though, gw juga kalo keterima besok ujung2nya di rekrutmen)

apa kabar sama inner beauty, skill dan ability??

i think people should see how i work things rather than the way i looked. i'm real but there's more in me than my body or my face. i have brain u know. might as well hire a floosy girl if "attractive" is kind of person they're looking for.

haaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh.....
tidak mau banyak memaki ah... saja semoga besok lancar dan saia di terima. at least i'll have a routine rather sitting in front of my PC 24/7... staring at my facebook account, forum indowebster, and other sites that provides downloadable movies/tv series. may my wish be granted and come true. amiiiiinnnnnn ya rabbb

 

too much in my head, so much to say ,not a word can get out, sitting in front of my PC, trying to figure out a way out of here

best plan so far : keep doing this till my eyes sore to awake, so i have to sleep. the thing is even sleep can't stop my mind from wandering.

and tomorrow i still have to deal with the same thing all over again.

i hate my self for knowing psychology if i have unsolved and circular problem like this

pliss lah... akhiri saja semua ini... saya lelaaaaaahhhh

yang saya mau ga muluk, ga ribet ... i'm out of option and plans to get i what i want here

 

mendengarkan lembayung bali - saras dewi rasanya soothing banget..... apalagi sambil mengenang masa2 dulu ohhh days of youth "andai ada satu cara tuk kembali menatap agung suryamu..lembayung bali"

ngeliat video clip pink - ******* perfect juga... hadoohhh berasa kena tampar. selama ini selalu berusaha perfect...be the best... yeah, butuh seseorang yg merasa ckup dan puas dengan apa yg saya achieve. bukan pujian yg di cari tapi apa ya... penerimaan atas kerja keras saya. i may not the best but believe me please that i tried by best. selama ini kept pushing my self to the limit sampe2 ga tau apakah yg saya lakukan ini sebenarnya over my limit atau tidak. sometimes i don't know if i'm doing it right or wrong, am i good or not. i achive something or not the reaction is quite the same. haahhh sudalah... its in me, its in people around me and it just almost impossible to change that.

pelajaran yg saya ambil dari nonton "persons unknown" the way out is the way through. so.. i guess i just have to get through it to get out of this mess. ya ya ya... been running the whole time, time to face it..by running through it. i want to get through it fast as i can, causalities is risk. thats it...

 

aaaghhh kenapa saya terdengar desperado mulu yaaa???

 

ihiiiyyyy DD dari kantor

 

terkejut kenapa tiba2 PC saya matiiiii kenapa ini???
ternyata dengan manis, ponakan yg duduk di pangkuanku mencet tombol power UPS

Spoiler: the CULPRIT

 

postingan ohh postingan.....

harusnya rep saya udah 3 sekarang tapi kena reset turun 300an... udah gitu turun lagi 60
sepertinya harus pasrah saja...
semangat ngejar posting lagi

 

dear diary.... (kali ini mu curhat gaya abege)

weekend ini aku senaaaannnggg sekali.. bisa liat william of wales di tipi . waktu umur belasan pernah terobsesi sama dia, kumpul2 artikel, pin-up dan segala macamnya. saat orang2 nge-fans sama shane-westlife atau justin timberlake saya nge-fans sama prince william




itu yg pertama, kedua nonton vampire diaries eps 20. keren banget episodnya dengan scene Elena-Stefan. hatiku cenat cenut rasanya mengikuti cerita mereka. trus nonton TBBT tengah malem sampe di sangka gila karna ketawa ngakak sendiri

yg ketiga, saya dapet insiprasi lagi. setelah sekian lama otak numb sama hal2 berbau creative writing, akhirnya... ide novel baru muncul dengan manisnya di saat2 hidup saya stagnan. ohh senangnya hari jumat itu... i feel so full, meskipun batal jadi trainer otbond yg artinya batal membuat dompet saya sedikit lebih gemuk. ga apa2... saya senang, content.

 

hari ini alamat ga akan onlen selama siang... excited sama new project


dannn.... hari ini jumlah thanks ke saya bakal 5k betapa senangnya bisa bermanfaat buat orang lain. meski ada oknum2 thanks abuser tp ga apa2lah... thanks juga buat mereka yg sudah membantu menggemukkan jumlah thanks saya

so so so....

see u round,, got camp plan to do

 

well...well...well....

siapa sih yg ga mau kerja kantoran dengan salary tetap dan pekerjaan yg tetap jg? saya juga mau...
i've been trying to apply, go through interview, psychological test on and on and on again, kinda tired of it
but then, selalu ada proyek outbond yg bikin saya seneng. i dunno, maybe i'm not build for a white collar carrier. gimanapun susahnya outbond, i mean handling people, capeknya karena harus mobile (ntah pindah2 tempat, mendaki gunung lewati lembah, dari kota ke kota) saya selalu senang umhh more of it i'm excited. i told my self i must able to work anywhere, but now i found out. yes, i can work anywhere as white collar or a freelancer like now. but my heart felt better when i'm freelancing.
bisa dibilang outbond training "not-so" easy money, sometimes is easy (like fun outbond) sometimes isn't (like what i'm about to do). yeah, its been a journey i've been looking for. being with nature, gear up for it. even its work, i also enjoy it as fun. so i know i'm gonna be dead tired when i'm finally home (maybe loss a little weight hahaha)... i'd saya no regret. so, i'm gonna prepared myself for this journey... kembali melatih jantung-paru2-otot2 saya yg udah kendor gara2 gaya hidup pengangguran pasca lulus kuliah... yaph, mari berolahraga!!!!

 

kemaren abis dari kampus... whoaaaa kangen jadi mahasiswaaaaaaaa

rutinitas yg ga bikin bosen, meski capek, pusing tetep ngerasa seneng, dikira lulus bakal menyelesaikan masalah oh ternyata nambah masalah baru di sesali sih ngga, cuma yaa... gitu deh hehehe

haahh jadi pengen lanjut s2 nih... S.Psi ga ada artinya lagi sekarang... harus M.Psi, Psikolog
kapaaaannnnnn yaaaa kesampean

 

batal camping... jadinya menuju ibukota...
masi dalam proses interview tapi semoga bisa langsung nego gaji

well jadi inget seseorang yg menyebut dirinya teman saya, begitu bangga dan menyombongkan diri soal pekerjaan dia di depan muka saya yang jelas2 jobless. abis ketemu dia pulang kerumah hati saya

from that day forward i promise my self, i wouldn't do that to anyone i called friend or anyone dear to me.
from that day forward i pray to God, meminta kerendahan hati untuk saya, keikhlasan kesabaran. meminta saya di jauhkan dari kesombongan dan keinginan untuk membangga-banggakan diri no matter my job is, no matter how big i got paid, no matter how huge fortune and success befall upon me.

why should we proud with our-self if people around us disappointed by what we do to them, conscious or unconsciously....

 

hiihi ternyata jadi outbond dan tetap mengembara ke ibu kota...
minggu ini jadwal padet banget...

besok pagi udah on the run ke jakarta buat interview user... katanya sih 70-80% udah di terima kalo interview user. but then ga pengen terlalu pede bakal masuk, i must prepare if i don't get in. (tapi pliiisss jangan sampe ga masuk) pasrah dan terus minta doa dari orang2 terdekat. inget kata2 kakak ipar saya "mungkin ini saatnya mamah n bapak bangkit lagi. kamu gabung dengan kakak2 kamu idup mandiri. ga mampu ngasih banyak ga apa2, paling tidak kamu ga minta2 lagi sama orang tua" gyaaahhh... i'll keep that in mind. this job i'm about to take... i'm not doing it for my self, i'm doing it for my family. ridhoi jalan saya ya Allah...

di jakarta ga bisa lama2 karena besok subuhnya (selasa) harus nyusul ke tmpat obtond di ranca upas untuk kemping sampe hari sabtunya.

we'll i'm surprise with this opportunity and i guess no matter what happen i should be thankful for it....
dear God, help me, save me, guide me, bless me. Amin

 

interview jakarta tidak semulus yang saya kira nih berhubung apply buat jadi tim kreatif, jadinya saya harus interview user 2x. berarti masih nyisa 1 kali interview. semoga diberi kesempatan untuk diinterview beliau...

sekarang mau cerita soal....ummm... otbond training kemaren... buat difficulty level outbond training yg judulnya jungle survival
mau jadi panitia (trainer seperti saya) apa lagi peserta dikiiiiiiiitttt banget ngerasain enak. saya secara psikologis masih menang karena saya tidak terintimidasi seperti peserta
intinya sih, berasa ospek aja. i mean ospek yg beneran... aga2 hardcore. lengkap dengan pelatihan baris berbaris, navigasi, bela diri makanan di jatah seadanya (mi instan, bubur instan yg harus dimasak sendiri dan beberapa makanan ringan siap makan) dan drill wajib seperti push up, sit up, lari naik-turun le bukit. other than that... yg paling penting adalah esensi di balik latihan2 tersebut.
honestly saya belajar banyak dari apa yg diberikan pada peserta. ya saya capek karena ikut naik turun bukit, begadang karena bangun lebih dulu trus tidur lebih telat dari peserta belum lagi laporan evaluasi training seperti diingatkan lagi dengan apa yg namanya push to the limit, exercise, empathy.... berasa jadi maba lagi nih!!

yg paling pol waktu rangkaian etape....
malam sebelum etape saya dan temen2 trainer baru tidur sekitar jam setengah 2 pagi karena nyicil bikin laporan. besoknya jam 6 pagi dah bangun, buru2 packing, makan, mandi (baca: bagian tertentu dari tubuh saja yg dimandiin) lalu gerak cepat menduduki post yg akan dilalui peserta. parahnya (selain track yg lumayan panjang dan agak menanjak) posisi saya tidak boleh ketahuan peserta tapi saya harus bisa memperhatikan apa yg peserta kerjakan di pos tersebut.

Etape 1, jumat pagi-siang...
mojok disemak2 pohon yg banyak berantungan ulat, serangga2 hutan, bau tak sedap (entah bangkai, entah tokai atau pembusukan vegetasi di sana). jongkok harap2 cemas takut kelihatan peserta. akhirnya peserta terakhir lewat, sayapun menyusul sambil menyisir area yg dilalui peserta mengambil tugas2 mereka yg lucu2 isinya. pendakian saya sekitar 2 jam berakhir dengan view keren puncak gunung, dari situ saya bisa liat situ patengan. meski hari mendung dan kabut mulai turun...view nya tetep keren. disini akhir etape 1.

etape 2 jumat siang-sore
berlanjut turun gunung... curam dan di satu titik mengharuskan kita snapling (turun pake tali gitu) jam tangan saya jadi korban dan putus talinya, telapak tangan lecet karna snapling tanpa sarung tangan (ini jangan ditiru), entah berapa banyak luka gores kena ranting, paha dan lutut sudah pegal karena menahan berat badan saat turun. tapi yg seru tentunya ngerjain peserta, ngeliat ekspresi mereka yg penuh semangat saat awal games, berubah tegang saat pelaksanaan, belum adu argumen dengan anggota lain, panik sampe akhirnya sedih dan berusaha tetap semangat di akhir games. hampir 1 jam turun gunung sampe di moving camp... etape 2 berakhir

Etape 3 jumat tengah malam - sabtu dini hari
hanya sempat merem 1 jam saja sebelum akhirnya berangkat menuju pos jurit malam. haha... ini juga konyol... peserta pada ngibrit waktu ngeliat pocong2an yg sengaja dibuat panitia, pura2 tenang saat mengerjakan tugas di dekat kuburan tapi langsung ambil kaki seribu segera setelah menyelesaikan. ngedenger peserta teriak, baca2 doa sepanjang perjalanan karena takut bikin hiburan juga mengingat malam dingin banget. Etape 3 berakhir saat peserta yg jurit malam 1 orang 1 orang itu sudah berkumpul lengkap 1 kelompok.

Etape 4 sabtu dini hari-subuh
perjalanan etape 3 dimulai dari post akhri jurit malam ke kandang rusa. ohhh... hampir 2 jam mengikuti kelompok yg parno karena terus menerus mengucapkan sandi (sandi digunakan u/ checking apa orang2 yg berada di sekitar itu panitia atau bukan) derita saya berakhir ketika menjumpai finish. menghangatkan diri dengan bandrex yg sudah di sediakan sementara peserta sedang di beri pepatah oleh pak bos (bos saya bukan bos BCA). seperti biasa ada bonfire, pengungkapan kesan dan pesan, upacara penyelesaian daaann makan2. sepertinya sate jatah peserta kebanyakn dimakan panitia nih, wong masih di perpian aja sate-nya udah diambilin haha.

etape cuma 1 rangkaian kegiatan aja, yg berlangsung sekitar 20 jam dari 5 hari 4 malam kegiatan jungle survival. nanti saya ceritain sisanya kalo mood

cape banget... baru nyampe rumah 3 jam lalu dan belum tidur lagi setelah maksa tidur 1 jam di moving camp sebelom etape 3

 

Story of Us #1

its about a girl and two boys. their history of friendship started waaaay back to the early 90's when they were just kids. so this was almost 20 years after that....

the girl were a damsel in distress need to be somewhere far-far away to a place where she works for the next few days. she calls boy A out of desperation as a suggestion from boy B. and so A escort her, miles away into the mountains, accompany her for hours until her friends from work arrives. they talked and laugh, reminiscing youth.. its been a while since they do that and it felt wonderful.

something bothering her along the way, they are friends so she didn't mind a touch here and there but there's something about the touch that annoying her. she felt too much affection on every touch. maybe he didn't meant to, maybe she over-reacted but she don't like it.

few weeks past that day
the girl up in town with her friends and she thought about boy B. they've been texting and talk on facebook. it's getting late and she ask B if he can pick her up and go home together. its a long shot but worth trying, she thought. he says he can't but he want to. and somehow she did something saying, "saya kecewa, but no hurt feeling" she meant it. she didn't mind going home alone, she used to do that all the time. going home, alone.
then he text her, he's on his way to pick her up... 15 minutes later there he was on the side of the road waiting for her. they go home together but rain come pouring down hard, he decided to take a shelter. part of their body are wet... they talked a lot waiting for the rain to stop. nothing emotional, just two old friends catching up.

she was home now, thinking....
this two boys has been so nice to her, they are friends both A and B just going out with her after almost 17 years not being together. she didn't know where this would go but she kind of like B. the quite ones, polite and has a really nice smile. she thought, "is it wrong to judge A because he's a little hands on?"

to be continue

 

Story of Us #2

The Girl write something on her Diary


Dear Diary....
I'm open up again. Its been almost a year since my heart broken up. I still not understand why or how that happens, at least i thought so. this time really want this to work out. i'm not gonna push away like i always did. the door is open now i won't wait to get invited in, i'll ask to get in. i'm not gonna play hard, i want this to be simple.

just you and me, making our own love-story


she sigh at the end of her writing. closing her journal and start making a wish

"dear Lord, love is inevitable. i can't help what i feel, though i'm not sure whether this is love or not. but i pray to you, if its another broken heart let me be strong and if its a happy endings for me, let me know before i ruined everything. Please... hear my plea. Amin"

to be continue

 

i should've...
i shouldn't...
it should be...

kenapa jadi begini???

ga enak rasanya terpaksa harus membalas perasaan seseorang yg katanya "cinta" tapi kita tidak merasakan hal yg sama. demi "menjaga perasaan" jadinya perasaan sendiri yg tidak terjaga. hancur lebur, carut marut ga karuan. will i ever learn to love "him" in return? will i ever fall for "him"?
i don't know... i'm trying so far, but i can't find comfort along the way...
he was so nice to me...

 

scholarship.... scholarship.... scholarship
selalu jadi mimpi saya untuk bisa ngelanjutin kuliah di luar indonesia. no offense, saya aga muak dengan birokrasi di sini.
selama ini nyari2 kampus yg offer beasiswa full... artinya yg modal dengkul doang ada gak ya?? ga cuma nyari di kampusnya sih, tapi nyari lembaga2 penyedia beasiswa juga.
so far.... banyak banget beasiswa yg ditawarkan tapi jaraaaaannggg banget (sampe sekarang belom nemu malah) yg support untuk Master program yg saya mau... psikologi atau konseling

sore tadi dapet telpon dari Walden University karna gw minta info lanjutan tentang kampus itu. well... ntahlah ngeliat biaya kuliahnya bikin miris Seneng sih di telpon, ada kampus yg rela nelpon saya yg cuma sebatas interset dan blom tentu juga apply ke sana. tapi di sisi lain ngurut dada dan perih karna its awfully not possible for me to get there.