Diary Of The Dreamers

In this silent night..
I'm alone like always..
Carefully writing the words inside my heart..
Dear, Can you hear me?
Baby, I feel unwell tonight..

I don't know what is this feeling..
I can't sleep as i hear the clock tick-tock'ing..
I get up. then go upstairs..
Looking at the stars that bright..
In there, Do you see it too?

The uneasy wind blow my body..
Bring me the memories about you and me..
Remember when we're sat near the pool..
Drank some wine, we're laughed together..
No, I'm not drunk yet.. maybe you have..

"Hahahaha.." you said..

Back then, You hold me so dear..
Telling me your story of your day..
All of your pain, pass it to me..
There's nothing i can do but to smile..
And then say that i love you so much..

The crowded street,we walked together..
accompanying you to buy some movie..
It's funny to see you bought a Barbie and India movie..
I said that aren't you too old for that?
And would you do India dance like in the movie for me?
We're laughed all night long..

Then, We're back to your home..
There's still no one there..
Don't worry, i'll stay with you till everyone's back..
Cooking and eating together, I called you my wife..
Feels like you and me already one..

You said that i should marry you before i call you my wife..
With your stupid face, you keep teasing me..

Well, it's time for me to go home
Everyone's home already so you don't need to be scared..
Yet you ask me to stay with you till you fall asleep..
Sweet, How can i refuse when you look at me just like that?
I'll stay i said, till you fall asleep..
I'm the one who will turn of the light..

Don't you remember..?

Yeah you're right, i'm not a good boy..
But don't you see, how much i've tried to make you happy..?
I really don't care about anything else..
Cz you're the one who can make my day..
As long as i can be with you,
I'm not scared to waste my life on it..

But now, what's left is just the memories..
The way we used to be, can't be repeat..
Ask me why? I don't know about it..
It was too late for you and me to realize..
Just too late to remember and take one step back..

In the end, feels like our love dying in this cold war..

 

I want to know if you are really getting along fine..
Without me there it's perhaps a sort of release..
I take my thoughts and stay in silence..
Right now I'm trying to get used to living alone..
Perhaps you've already started a new life..

The only thing that accompanying me is called loneliness..
I wonder who's accompanying you?
Without me, did u sleep well every night?
Regret that i didn't sing lullaby for you that last week..
Things turn so fast, you've already gone so far..

It was too late for me to admit that i really miss you..
Did that seem unmanly of me?
Remembering that one cold rainy day,
You hold me and wipe the rain that pouring my face..
I was so happy and felt so warm..
But now, i feel so cold even if there's no rain..

I've forgotten to move forward..
I try hard to pretend I'm doing well..
It seems you no longer need me now..
Just hope inside your heart, I'm still holding your hand..
Still the one that you love..

I wonder why i did that,
Got angry at you, then say something that hurts you
My friend said that it's just because that i miss you..
And wanna be with you badly..
Maybe that's right, or no..
I was too scared if i running out of time..

I want to know if you are really getting along fine..
Without me there it's perhaps a sort of release..
I'm the one who always hurts you.
Even if i know, the only one i need is just you..
And the only one that will always there for me..It's only you..

Nahh.. It's too late for me to realize it..
I just wanna run away forget everything..
And counting my day till i meet the end..
I hope you're getting along fine..

Without me, please smile..

 

Thinking and thinking again..
Why's everything always be like this..
No matter how hard i've tried..
Mad cause of jealousy, or calling you sweetly..
Always ended with a fight and fight again..

Maybe you're right..
A kind like me just can make you hurts..
It's okay for me if you regret our love..
Yeah,that's right..
You Deserved much better, not someone like me..

Maybe now it's time for me to understand..
If they said that i'm a good boy,then why..?
A boy like me, to be loved, then left behind..
I'm really tired,sick of this situation..
Should i close my eyes and my heart..?

I'll listen to your words, i'll understand..
I won't ask what's the reason no more..
I believe in you, I always trying to..
If you don't want to come back,
Then you don't have to..

I love you, yeah i still do..
But what can i do?or maybe what should i do..?
Just sitting here at my rooftop..
Remembering about everything that we've shared together..
Memories, i can't even tell which happy or sad about it..

I understand, i'll let you go..
Maybe my existence just make you go even sadder..
Because, all i want is just to be with you..
And i know that i always asking for it..
That make me so annoying to you...

Love is just come, and go away like this..
Sometimes, someone must do this hurting way..
But i'll understand.. I won't push you again..
I'll let you go, make your life happier..
Won't asking for your time anymore..

I won't say that i love you again..
Even if i still do and wanna say it to you..
I'll close my eyes,let my lips tight..
And if My tears still coming out..
I won't let you know, Let me cry all night alone..

Sometimes i want you to hold me like before..
Say " don't go, I love you so much.."
Hold my back,wrap me around your hands..
But i guess i've lost my hope already..

It will be me to hold my own self, and my feelings..

 

This is me..
a simple man..
that have some question in my heart..
Why should this happen..?
How could it be..?
What was my fault..?

I've been searching for a girl, to love me like I love Her..
but every girl I've ever had,
breaks my heart and leave me sad..
with the reason that i was too good for her..
well,my heart asking then..
should i be a bad guy to worth it..?

Even my last Girl,left me when i really" miss her..
also with that reason..
What can i do but to agree..?
i don't want to be a burden for her..
if she wanted to leave..
Maybe that's all was my fault..
guess that the only way that left..

Remember bout all the things..
the sweet kisses..
the warm hugg..
and the calming words..
make me wanna say..
"don't leave me please.."

but how can i say..?
If i say,it'll make me so selfish..
Who am i..?
Just a man..
and all the things make me wanna cry
but i've promised my friends..
when this is happen again..
There will be no tears..

 

Last day,
That book is still here..
I always keep it near to me..
The story about you and me..
The truth of something that i want you to know..

Regret,that i've burned it..
Now I want to read it again,
Yet found myself there's nothing i can do..
I hate it,When it comes to this kind of emotion..
I want you to keep that book,yet i've burned it..

You're just like a drug that I am addicted to..
I'm in pain,start to cry,i'm shattered..
Remember when i was flipping through the book..
many things that I wrote regards you..
How annoying and cute at the same time you are..

I write about how good you are..
Page after page I write in that book,
that I will not give up no matter how difficult it is..
I have waited for you to realize..
I shed tears yet keep smiling when thinking of you..

But sometimes the problems of our ego keep repeating..
I tell myself to let you go,even i don't want it..
I try to close my eyes,i dont wanna see,and let you leave..
To burn the book and start again with my new story..
Putting myself down all the time,I'm so lonely..

Sometimes it's hard to choose where's the path to go..
Between love and hate,i miss you..
If just you read that book,i wonder what will happen..
Yet,There's nothing left and i will never know..
Will you just believing without seeing the burned book,

That i love you..

 

Day by day,
Keep Writing my story of you..
The story that i still don't understand..
I can't make it different..
Which happy or Sad line that i wrote..

Keep Writing even i don't know what to write..
Still in the part when we're together..
Logically try to realize that now weren't the same..
Sometimes i though that u're still mine..
But you said you and me will be no us again..

Alone,Here..
Listening to every love songs..
Why are the words and phrase is so beautiful in there..?
Telling me about love that so wonderful..
The thing that i once felt about..
But, I don't feel it anymore right now..

Still listening to the songs..
While Writing bout you and me..
I put a good story in this little book..
Yet,one of the songs,make me realize..
What i wrote in there just a fiction..

Still loving you, still missing you..
But there's only phrase that i can hold in my heart..
Tears coming out when i can't hold it too much..
But i guess sooner or later i must accept it..
I burn the book into ashes..

Still,it's easy for me to burn it..
Or maybe to burn myself with this kind of emotion..
Yet,our memories..how can i burn it..?
My blood still red,yet my heart already black..
I wanna hold you once again to make it clear..

The phrase that i wrote,
When u tell that you'll always love me..
Said that you'll always be mine..
I still though about this is the start to our real love..
But i found myself crying inside the mirror..

Silence, The memories keep haunting..
I just think about if you feel the same..?
Do you miss me like i do miss you everyday..
Yet this song keep telling me..

And Can't tell which is truth or fiction..

 

Looking at the mirror,
The mirror that i always see..
When i prepared to go with you..
Smiling while i imagine,
This gonna be a lovely day..

But now a person that i see..
Inside the box that reflecting me..
Was a very different person..
I asked,Where's his smile..?
Is it was me inside there..?

The mirror has broken as my heart does..
I still breathing,but feels like dying..
Baby,won't you please come back to me..
I swear,i'll do better..i'll do better..
if please is not enough,then i beg..

Once,i went to the place with our memories..
Yeah,that place..your last home before the new one..
The place where we share our memories together..
Beside the swimming pool..
Went to the mall..

The ice was melting..Rain is coming..
My eyes is tearing again..
My heart is screaming,i'm lost in crying..
Is there any ways to turn back time..?
I'll do anything if i can turn back time..

I wanna hold her back..
I wanna say that i love her so much..
I wanna say that don't leave me,sooner or later..
I wanna say remember our promises..
Love me,don't leave..

Maybe now you also try to forget me..
You said that you want to move on..
Cz whatever we do,our love will never be..
But me,I can't escape this kind of feeling..
Too deep,now i'm start to sinking..

Would you lend me your hand again..?
Get me up,and smile at me..
Say that you love me again..
Say that we'll try together..
Whatever happen,we'll try together..

Don't tell me i can make it in my own way..
Cz i need you..i love you..
And believe me,please believe me..
No one that could love you,
and keep patient..Like what i do..
So just take me once again..

Don't let me fade away..

 

When i got Jealous,they said that i'm wrong..
when i try to let it go..you said that i don't care..
when i getting closer with my girl friends,
u said that u don't like,
but when u getting closer with your boy friends
,i said i don't like..yet u said it's okay..nothing special..
When i told my friends bout us and ask for opinion yet i didn't tell u..
u got mad,and silence..
when u told ur friends bout us,i asked u yet u said it's a SECRET..

Love without openess,at this rate of situation..
Is just like boat that have a hole below..
waiting fo the time when it will sink..

 

Our love..
Full of tears and laugh..
Sometimes, it feels like to leave it all ..
But somehow, I want to keep hold it tight ..
Considering things i like or dislike ..
Love you too much, too late for me to leave you ..

Today, we have met ..
Where your hug are always able to warm my heart..
And your smile can get rid of my worries ..
This is my first day in the week,
I can fall asleep peacefully, without any thoughts..

But tonight,
I saw your chat with the boys, and others ..
Maybe you've removed, which left only a few ..
how can I know?only you that know about it ..
I just hope that you never..

Even you don't allow me to read it through to completion ..
You said that we are not blessed,
But why didn't you tell me,
As easy as that you tell the others, but not to me ..
Do you know how it feels, I wondered, are you faithful to me ..?
Is there something that you hide from me?

Now there are only doubt in my heart ..
I do not know what steps should I take, to make it all better ..
With your attitude when we are far apart,
Will you remain faithful to me,
Or maybe later you're going to leave me ..
Please, make me believe in you,
Proof of all the doubts are wrong ..

This is not just about i believe you or not..
But this situation makes me scared ..
I love you, please understand me ..
All my suspicions about you, simply because I was afraid to lose you ..
Not because you're so bad in my eyes,
No, you're not ..

I always honest if I didn't like what you did ..
However, you always do it again and again ..
I thought maybe I better let you do what you like,
Because I don't want to fight,
But, instead you say that I don't care about you anymore ..
Then tell me what should I do ..?

When everything I say doesn't mean anything to you,
I chose to be silent, and tried to make it okay ..
When I say that it's okay for me ..
Again you say I'm okay because I don't care anymore..
Then What is the best response that I should give?

I just don't know what can i do but that..

Sometimes when love reaches this point,it really hurts..

 

I'm alone..
In the middle of the night..
Without the person that used to be there for me..
When the memories came into my mind..
The stories of us, all about us..

I do believe..
Love is not just about being happy..
I do realize..
Love is not always about sadness..
But i wonder why, it's always be just like this..

Baby, don't you know..?
How much i love the entire of your soul..
I gave you all of my life, my heart..
Without caring about how it will break..
And i never thought it will be this hurt..

Love is just like a falling star..
Wonderful while it scratch the sky,
But in the end when it reach the ground,
Leaving a deep hole inside your heart..
Make u want to see it again, and keep waiting for it..

I'm enough of this thing that called love..
There's so many lies in the dramas..
I've Fallen for many times, crying all alone..
If there's really no way out,
i'll stay here alone then no one will find me..

I have my own heart to take care of,
Let me freeze it, let me keep it..
so it won't break anymore, not anymore..
Love is just like the falling star..
Don't try to chase it, It's better to leave it..

cz you'll never make it..

Then you'll regret it..