Diary Of The Dreamers

It's cold..so cold here..
I'm freeze,can't breathe..
The time when i miss u so bad..
Is it my fault if i miss you?,then wanna meet you..
Yet,I don't really care whatever it takes..

Still,It's a rainy season..
With a cold air covered me..
As cold as my heart now,
The time u said that it's over..
how come..?how come..?

But maybe,
If there's no me..
You'll find a brighter day..
cz me, cause of your sadness..
Me that made u cry and cry again..

I know,
I'm not good enough to be your boy..
But this love is true..
I just wondering..
How can i start a day with knowing there's no you..

Yet, i push myself..
I wipe,times and times..
Tears that comes,Let it go..
It'll be dry someday..
Even if i don't know when,i hope..

I'm singing, about a broken heart..
I'm Writing,about how this heart start breaking..
I just don't know that it would be this hurt..
Pretending,the last act that i can do now..

Smiling for another peoples around me here..
My heart keep asking..
Why..Just why..
After this long long day..
You left me with another poem of goodbye..
Guess we survive last day,then why now..?

Then, What should i do..
If this the best thing inside your head..
Don't really care about your reason..
I won't ask the reason from you..
Just let you ask your heart for yourself..

I don't want to hurt or to be hurt anymore..
I don't need love that will hurt me again..
I don't need a girl who will leave me someday..
Like yesterday, like today..
Whatever the reason,i don't care..

Cz it's always ends in the same way..

 

Last met, we laughed very sweetly..
Watching your tearstained face,
telling me how much you love me..
I'm glad to hear it with my own ears..
Perhaps it's all my fault if you think like that..
And it is already very difficult to turn it back..

it's all my fault,
My will to go is my wound's excuse..
Can you please turn back, and hold me..
So that i can't go away from you..
Maybe it's hard for me to accept..
But even if there is no conclusion, I can still endure..

I gave you my tolerance,
I said just let it go,just forget the problems..
And silence was because of acceptance..
Don't you know how hard i try..?
If you think that i don't care at all..
Then,why should i do this..?

Still,after that..
You always take it so easily..
If you think it's ok,then it means that it's ok for you..
Did you ever think bout how i feel..?
You said that you can't ignore your friends..
Then how bout me..?
i did it when you told me to..

It's the rule that u've made,though..
But all those promises become a joke..
If the promises our made are not important anymore..
What things that can make you proud?
I look up but don't dare to say it..
I am far away feeling cold myself..

The loneliness of the raining sound touches my heart..
A lonely person is like a bird who's wing is broken..
Cannot fly is like my own fate..
My feeling,can only let the stars hears..
The scenery always stay the same..
Cry out loudly with no one that care..

If it's not enough,there's nothing i can do..
Maybe all i can do is just hurting you..
Then if you want to go, please remember me,
if you feel sad when remember, please forget me..
And if someone asking who's fault is it,
Just put the blame on me..

 

Loving..
One woman is becoming disaster..
Even though a man is still writing and waiting..
I’m tearing up at the thought of break up..
You said that this love won't last forever..

I never ask something forever,
Just wanna love you till my day is over..
Also want you to love me but anything, just say whatever..
God,I’m scared, this world is meaningless..
Take me to where you are, a place with the moon and stars..

I close my eyes and feel her breath, I dream of her..
A smile spreads across my lips, she's breathing with me now..
Time, please stop, don’t divide me and her..
God,please let us be..this is my last wish for You..
Don't put me in this kind of situation anymore..

Someone told me that Maybe..
I too much love her than loving You,My God..
Yeah maybe it's true..
She's the only one that i can't put out of my mind..
But i'm not a betrayer, so don't betray me..

I'm working,Fighting,Studying,Searching,Praying..
Who am i?What am i to be?what should i do?
Still holding on,still carry on..
But without her i just crying on..
Tell me,let me see..then i will know what should i do..

Just wanna walk this world to the end..
With her,i have my feeling in her..
Yet now You let her leave me be..
Lonely,just like the "me" yesterday..
Give me happiness..then throw me into darkness..

I don't know what's the point of this life..
i hate her,or i hate You,i'd rather hate myself..
I once believing,but now i'm wondering..
Just put me to the end..Cz i hate this world..

I hate this Love..

 

Listening to the song about brokenheart..
Make me feel so sad and wanna cry..
Wish that i could cry right now..
But guess too much pains and enough tears..
My eyes already dried before..
Just like the empty well..
That wish someone to fill it..
with refreshing water of love..
The love that will never dry..

Maybe that is just a dream..
But,How could i have a dream if i'm not sleep at all..?
Yes,That's all real..
Even if i wish it isn't..
There's so many kind of emotions that filled my head..
Still missing u,but sometimes i feel it's not right..
I don't know what i want,and also what i need..
Just standing here and looking for something that didn't exist..

Too tired,I need a rest..
Then i'm trying to relax..
I pick up my guitar and start to play it..
Try to sing a song bout the love between u and me..
But when i played it,the sound doesn't seems right..
No matter how I adjust, the sound can't be right..
Does the string is broken as my heart goes..?

I wonder..
Is there's still a love for you in my heart..?
I guess there is,but i've lost my faith on you..
Your position and mine is separated by tears..
When you've called for a break..
The tears had whelmed and made an ocean between us..
And So many big waves with it..

Wanna try to get close to you..
But I'm too tired to swim..
It's way too deep,and too far away now..
I'm scared,if i keep pursuing..
The wave will kill me till i can't breath..
Coz i've did it before because of the other person..
And Nearly killed just because of that..

That's not mean that i thinking you're same..
I just scared..when it goes too deep..
I'll sink to the bottom of the sea of sorrow..
Wanna hold u tight..
But i'm scared that i can't let go when u ask me to..
Scared that u'll ask me the same thing again..
I can't pretend that i'm not scared..

Coz too long for me to act that i'm brave..
There's too many smile even when i'm sad..
don't you know..?

 

There are times when our heart is crying..
But for some reasons, we didn't understand..
Another night , is just another fight..
And because of that , we lost each other..

Sometimes I want to call you..
But i know you won't answer..
Even though you do, it won't be the same..
Maybe it's just another one or two words without meaning..

Back then,
I'm hoping that the days will quickly pass by,
So later i won’t be sad anymore..
Day by day, counting all alone..

But now , today..
Well, at least i'm happier than in the past..
More friends, more laugh, more fun..
No love? who said? my friends love me..
At least, i think that way..

It's hurt but you taught me something..
Believing in something that you're not sure about,
Is just a waste of time..
Better not to expect too high about what people said..
It's hurt , but thanks to make me stronger..

Sweet talks, everyone can do it..
But you won't know about tomorrow..
They said that they will love you forever..
Maybe later they're gonna say "we can't be together.."

Love isn't about you want it or not..
It's just simple as you love it or not..
And one thing you need to be sure of ..

"Talk is cheap.."

 

People come and people leave..
Memories left, filled by blank spaces..
Leaving only regrets between love and hate..
Past and future, Sometimes it can be present
"I want you to be my future.."
It was my past, but still my present..

I do still remember that time..
You laughingly say that he is a friend..
You said you don't even have his number,
It’s just that I am thinking too much,You always said so..
But slowly,Then You become much closer with him..
My uneasiness that is heavy, yet you don't understand..
How scared i am to lose you, you don't really care..

I don’t want to use words to argue, so I choose not to talk..
"It's just me that thinking too much.."
I always use that phrase to comfort myself..
Deeply in tought about our love that i believe in..
Silently, Tears falling..
Hardly, i wipe and try to be fake while smilling..

I was unable to give you the future..
He has taken over the corner of your heart..
The place that once only belong to me..
The love you want, I cannot learn..
The last prove of love i can give you is "letting go.."

Seeing you and him walking together,
Proved that my love is just ignorant..
I realized too late that I love you too deeply..
I look on helplessly as the emotions turn worse..
I slowly close the door, walk away..
Silently count my tears that falling all the way..

You will never understand..
That kind of wound i've paid just for you..
Before, Once i thought that i will regret..
Cause people who give their whole heart are easily hurt..
But i, still foolishly waiting for that miracle..
Keep believing in your promise 'till it's over..
The last promise i can fulfill is "let you go.."

 

I listen respectfully to what you say,
The feelings which you had already burried for a long time..
Now it's seems so clear and transparent..
I wonder why i never realize it..
You're the angel who always keep an eye on me from upstairs..

I close my eyes and go back to the past..
The table and chair i used to sat on by..
The path i walked on after the lesson..
The place where the first time i saw your face closely,
The time when we nearly collide in front of that door..

Now i really regret it myself..
The "Me" that was too ignorant..
Realize it now , that i also want you..
But the things in the past has already been locked by time..
The leaves that slowly falling down, already hit the ground..

Now, There is already him beside you..
I wish for a time machine.. where will i get one?
I'll go back to the past and remake our story,
To awaken the love that has been burried,
So we can love each other without hesitate..

But our love has already been locked by time..
Now here we are, barely to say "i love you.." to each other..
Some words are always come too late..
There's a little of distance that we can't across..
Regreting, only leave a pain that we can't let go..

Is it my fault to feel like this at this moment?
Sometimes , i wish that he hurts you then leave you away..
So i can take his place and erase your tears..
Let me hug you and take you walk 'till we get to your home..
Walking side by side while holding hands..

Should i forget about this love and let go?
Perhaps it's a better way so we can forget each other..
Or should i ask you to leave him and go with me?
Even though i know that i'm nothing compared by him..
Selfishly, I still want you to be by my side..

I failed to get what I want by time..
We're having feelings without scenes together..
It's hurt, my fault, i'm sorry.. If just i realize it sooner..
Now, to take you away from your lovely garden..
For someone like me, i'm not worth of it..

I wish for a time machine.. where will i get one?
I'll realize your presence, and take a look closer..
When you looked at me from the upstairs back then,
i'll turn around to look at you and wave my hands..

I'll go back to the past.. then later, i'll love you first..

 

Our love,
I wonder why is it so complicated..
You said you loved me back then..
But now ,i'm the one who love you in this present..
Why can't we love each other at the same time?

I can't stop myself to think about it..
It feels like we're in a different time and place..
"Just come to me and leave him.." i wanna tell you so..
But those words can't ever come out..
I don't have enough courage to let you to do that..

Inside this castle of time different..
The longer i stay, the more i want you..
Sometimes , i want to turn around and leave..
Let it go, i wish that i can let it go after that..
Or perhaps you'll realize and then run to catch me..

But i just can't stop thinking about what will happen to you if i'm gone..
Will you be alright, will you be okay..
Is there someone else who will stay to cheer u up..?
Or maybe make some stupid jokes just to make u laugh..?
Or maybe, i lie.. it's just me that scared of missing you..

I know that i was too naive..
For someone like me to love a girl like you...
The fact that you're a good girl and i have no right,
We can't change anything about that..
There are so many sins carved around my body..

Well, maybe he's a bit more gentle..
And perhaps he can give you more than i did..
Our story, let's just keep it safe and burry it away..
Let us forget it and go back to the time,
When we're not knowing each other secret's feelings..

Baby , don't worry about me..
I'll be okay, i'll be good, just don't think about it..
Sure this is hurts, but this is still nothing..
I used to go through this path already, and you know it..
Just make up your mind and be happy..

I don't want to be a burden for you,
Go spread your wings, stop thinking and don't look back..
Let me stay here for awhile , let me love you a little longer..
Let me guard our memories in this place,
This castle of time different..

I'm tired for too much cry..
But you don't need to worry,
cz tears are made to fall..
Even though i don't want it,

it will just fall by itself..

 

I'm alone..
In the middle of the night..
Without the person that used to be there for me..
When the memories came into my mind..
The stories of us, all about us..

I do believe..
Love is not just about being happy..
I do realize..
Love is not always about sadness..
But i wonder why, it's always be just like this..

Baby, don't you know..?
How much i love the entire of your soul..
I gave you all of my life, my heart..
Without caring about how it will break..
And i never thought it will be this hurt..

Love is just like a falling star..
Wonderful while it scratch the sky,
But in the end when it reach the ground,
Leaving a deep hole inside your heart..
Make u want to see it again, and keep waiting for it..

I'm enough of this thing that called love..
There's so many lies in the dramas..
I've Fallen for many times, crying all alone..
If there's really no way out,
i'll stay here alone then no one will find me..

I have my own heart to take care of,
Let me freeze it, let me keep it..
so it won't break anymore, not anymore..
Love is just like the falling star..
Don't try to chase it, It's better to leave it..

cz you'll never make it..

Then you'll regret it..

 

Walking in the dark night thinking of you,
as though only you left in this world..
Love your silent expression most, my love..
Alone listening quietly to the sound of heartbeat,
unknowingly forgot about myself..

All the stars in the sky are waiting for dawn,
without love, the sun will never rise..
In my heart, you're the one I love most..
at least,till the time you said it's over,,
And there's someone for your new cover..
But can't we just don't be like this..?
Cz I'm not your enemy,even if i'm not your boy anymore..

Still remember last year's rainy season..
When there were you by my side..
The time when i tought it'll be forever..
But last with answer that never..
Never understand what you want..

Still remember..?
You are always depended on me before,
Pouring out to me whenever you're down..
The troubles you threw, I packed them in my heart..
And so do i,Need you like you need me..
Maybe i need you more than you need me..

You can lie on my shoulders,
but you still don't find it good enough,i guess..
I won't argue with time,Just do whatever you want..
My heart,if it does break, I still won't let you see it..
Hate you,how can i do..?

Enough cry,just do with your fun..
Someday you'll realize and start asking..
Where to find someone like me..
You won't be able to find one along the streets..
Cz You didn't make use of the chances I gave you..
You will know that It's difficult to meet a good man..

Well maybe yes, i'm not good enough..

But you will see, someday i will be..

 

Past is just a memories..
happy or sad, sad or happy..
Yesterday is just yesterday,
Time passed, and day went away..

People changed, and so do i..
When love make me hurt then i cry..
Everyday just like so cloudy outside..
Raining all the day, pouring all the way..

Some people think that i'm so weak,
But i prove it that they're wrong..
Here i am , got my feet back on the ground..
No matter how tired i am, i'll walk away..

As the cloud start to disappear,
Tears already depleted, then dried..
Here comes my sunny day..
Without love, the sun still shine on me..

Hell, yet now there's some people mocking me..
Said that i'm cold, said that i'm cruel..
Well i'm sorry, maybe i'm the one to blame..
it's not your fault since you don't know how it feels like to be me..

They said that i'm just passing by then walk away..
Well, i just don't wanna stop walking my way..
I just don't wanna waste my time all around in a wrong place,
Then being left all alone again..

If you guys read this , please understand..
To hurt you, It's not what i intended..
If you don't understand, then it's still fine in the end..

Cz i'll keep walk away, far far away..
Untill i think that i found a good place to stay..

A place where my heart won't feel any betray..

 

I gave you my tolerance,
I said just let it go,just forget the problems..
And silence was because of acceptance..
Don't you know how hard i try..?
If you think that i don't care at all..
Then,why should i do this..?

i can relate to his

 

It's hard to describe..
How's my heart feel at this moment..
Silence.. still the only thing i can do..
Remember the time back then..
You were crying while begging me to stay..

I can't help but remind myself how hurt it is..
Hurt, until i wish not to be myself any longer..
Our love is hard to end, yet hard to continue..
And till now, Love that was once so deep,
Still hard for me to wake up from it..

The sweetness in the past is keep rewinding..
But the feelings are already not there..
Said, it's too late to start it all over again..
The expectation you gave in the past,
Has been broken by me into many pieces..

Distance, I said it as an excuse..
It would be nice if i realize it earlier..
Every night, i used to want you to be by my side..
Not only by text, neither by a phone call..
But the reality is just too cruel..

Ahh.. you said that you're not the same as in the past..
Yeah, i once though that you should be like that..
It will be much easier for you to let go..
Cz i know, i'm not that strong..
To be in a long distance relationship..

Remember that you used to call me every night..
Your voice, The way you laughed, called my name..
Give me goodnight kisses from the phone line..
No matter how much i told you to stop it..

You never listen..
They said, Karma does exist..
Yeah, maybe they're right..

Those feeling, I already got it back..
Pretty damn hurt to be betrayed..
And being left just like what i did to you..

Realized it..

I once stupidly said , i want you back..
Ohh.. i said something cruel like that, how come?
Even if i already know the answer will be no..
This stupid mind said that at least i should try..

Now, I'm the one who's missing those moments..
Wishing that you would call me..
Even if just to say " how are you?" ,
Maybe now, i'm not willing to hang off the phone..
But Nahh, it's not going to be happen..

I guess something like that won't happen..

Your forgiveness.. I'm not worth of it, i realize..
You're being this cold to me, it's the right thing to do..
Our romatic phone story..
Let the memories stop right there forever..

 

The dark cloud inside my heart..
It's only clear when viewed in memories..
The rain pouring the pain,
It's hurt while it freezing me..
Our story, Has been locked by ice slowly..

I've tried hard,really hard..
To hold the pair of hands that have no warmth..
To hold a relationship that doesn't like any relationship..
But in the end, some people call me naive..
Yeah, maybe it's too easy for me to believe..

Right now, Right here..
I keep thinking and thinking bout this..
What should i do,is it right?or wrong..
yet i never come into any conclusion..
Silence, The only option that remain for me..

Think about it again and again..
yeah, maybe the way we think bout this is too different..
Should this be a good reason to end all of this..?
What u want, What u think, and how u acted..
It's never be the same from u that once i know..

I'm okay..
Maybe i'm not good for u,
or maybe u're not good for me..
U said that this is the best for me, for us..
Well, just use some words that will fit on it..

Yeah,everybody have their own story..
U write it like u're the one who's being hurt..
Like the one that really care about the matters..
I write this like i'm the one who's loving u the most..
Like u never care about me and our relationship..

Who's fault is it?Like i said that i don't care..
Everybody have their own story..
No one that will know which is the truth,
They only hear about this one sided story..
It's about u, or me..

Maybe u're right,we should end all of this..
The only things that left is just unforgettable sadness..
The only one who will realize which is the truth,is just u and me..
People said that we will never realize, not until it's over..
But if this can make u realize, then i'm glad that it's over..

Everybody have their own story..
True or False, no one will never know but the writer..
U keep saying that u hurt yourself while u're hurting me.
U said u don't want it , but u keep doing it..

Then just love yourself while i love me..

I won't accept another words that empty..

 

Hey, How are you today?
Hope that u'll always be fine..
Even if sometimes i wish that u're not fine..
So, there's a chace that you'll find me again..
Maybe it's how selfish i am to think of that..

The sky is so clear, don't you see?
But you know what about my heart?
It's never clear enough when you're not here..
There are dark clouds that covering it..
Near about to cry, yet rain never comes..

There's nothing i can do..
I hate that you left me behind just like this..
In this situation when i need you the most..
No, i need you everytime.. "don't go.."
May i ask you about that ever again?

I'm waiting at the dawn of my life..
Try to find a reason why i love you..
So next time when u ask me about it..
I can answer it without a doubt..
Perhaps, is there still a next time?

You said that you tired of me..
Don't you know how tired i am?
Letting go all of your selfishness that hurt me..
Keep asking myself..
Am i still your boy, or not?

Yeah, I'm tired about our relationship..
I'm tired to hide it all along the way..
I'm tired to said that it's okay when you hurts me..
And sure, I'm tired of my life for a long time ago..
But, should i leave? should i quit?

No, I said no..
I always keep that in my mind..
No matter how tired i am, I won't let go..
You're not the only one that feel tired of it..
But why it's just me that keep it now..?
Keep writing alone while tears falling..

Nahh, that's enough..
You'll never know how hard i've tried..
Cz that in your eyes, i'm the one to blame..
You'll never find any reason why..
Why i still there till the last time you throw me..

Now, I won't beg you anymore..
Leave me, then leave me as you want it badly..
I'll understand that you're tired..
Maybe i just expect too much from you..
In the end, your love for me is just ordinary words u've written..
You can erase it whenever you want..

Remembering the first time we said it to each other..
Remember the new year eve with some fireworks..
The way you kissed me back then..
The love that u taught me since then..
In the end, It's just like a dream..
it's over when i wake up, and it's gone when i realize..

 

In the middle of the cold and windy night..
Everything has come to nothing..
We just can't get back again into the story..
Hating myself for being really useless..
All it has is only the remaining memories..

Your words of separation are like violent language..
I already can't do anything to make it back again..
We have decided to break off..
Can't go back to the time when you loved me..

I've yelled, I've made you cried..
Before, i thought that we are separated very far apart..
Feelings without scenes of you and me being together,
Just like playing chess with me, and myself..
Knowing where to step, but don't know what is it for..

Take sincerity to draw from and write it up as a diary..
Loving each other and also separation..
Like the rain that cannot be planned..
Wish that i can hold you, even if just in my dream..

If you knowing me was a tragedy..
Then just please hear me one more time..
While i lightly sighing, tearing..
Regretting while being sorry..

You were there all the way. all the night..
There's so much pain, i've made you tearing..
You want something, but you just keep it in..
I'm tired, but i still believing..
Wishing that u won't leaving..

The time when i realize,
You are very important to me..
I regret, but it's too late..
You've already gone far away..

Maybe I'm destined to part with you this lifetime..
Is there a second chance for me?
I will tease you to laugh every day..
Quietly listening to your act like a spoiled child..

I'll talk to you untill u fall asleep..
Not letting you know that i picked up your photos..
Saying such a few simple words..
Just to make you happy..

But the whole heart hanging in mid air..
I think I have to seal my loneliness..
Maybe this is the last answer of our story..
And it's just another sad memory..

 

I repeatedly tell myself to forget..
What I once knew well is no longer something I know..
But things are still as clear as they were..
It feels like it's just happened yesterday..
Or maybe i just dreaming all the way..

Well, What to do?
Happy or sad, this is the way i am..
I'm not in a mood to tell about how i feel to anyone..
I just feel okay after i write it here, there, anywhere..
Many people will see? who cares..
They don't know me after all..

They asked, Why i still being like this..
Yet, too many things I can't say..
It's just so hard for me to live by heart ..
Love is full of so many lies..
You will love the drama rather than the truth..

When the feelings start to fall apart..
Those emotions which u can't maintain..
The only thing u can feel is just the pain..
While tears falling, all u can do is just waiting..
For love to gradually die after losing warmth..
Yeah, You will love the drama rather than the truth..

" I love you.. still need you.."
" I won't leave you, i promise.."
" I want you, only you.. "
Well, that's the dialogues you wanted to hear..
But, accept that this is what is real..
Love.. already disappear..

 

The waves reflect the moonlight,
Footprints are left at the beach..
The only thing left here is just a regret
And the air is filled with the nostalgic times..
The time where i still have you here..

Late night already..
As always, yet can't close my eyes..
I need to forget you, I wanna forget you..
The only sentence that i told myself to do..
yet still can't find the reason why i must to..

Dear, I miss you..
Don't you know that i always do..
Do you miss me too? even only a little?
Tell me, tell me, what should i do?
I can tell but i find myself that i'm not okay..

So sleepy and realize that i need to rest..
But everytime i close my eyes..
It's always remind me of you..
The night we spend together at the phone..
Singing,laughing, tell me when u're scared..

Baby, At least sing me a lullaby once again..
Let me sleep and think that u're here by my side..
Erase my pain just this one night..
Let me forget for awhile..
How it feels like when i've lost you..

Am i asking too much?
After this time, did i asked anything more but your love?
And now, i didn't ask for you to love me once more..
Just sing me a lullaby..Let me dreaming about our love..
And after this night, I'll let you go..

And i'll leave my dream here tonight..

 

Still,It's Really hard to say goodbye..
When my heart is still really love you..
Till now, yeah i still do..
I confess, won't you believe?
All this time, Is only hurts that you've got?

You leave me alone here..
Blow off the candle that lighten up my life..
Your love, is the only one i want..
Your shadow, the only thing that left now..
Still waiting.. Please come back, won't you?

Dear rain, Please coming down..
Don't let anyone see my tears this badly..
Hide my face so everyone won't laugh at me..
Please wash her face away from my brain..
Let me catch a cold, a cold for this heart..

I don't wanna love,
If it's always ends like this..
Hurting, and to be hurted..
Dear heart, please let go..let her go..
You'll be fine if u keep alone like in the past..

I'm tired of dreaming,
There are too much false things in this world..
I'm tired of asking why, so it's better to shut..
Love is always starts with you and me..
And it always ends leaving me without you..

I'm tired of this story..
i'll give up, i'll let go, i'll start a new life..
Should i?or shouldn't i? don't care at all..
I'll do whatever i want..
With,or without you..i'll keep moving..

From the start..
I don't have any reason to love you,
I also can't find any reason to hate you now..
I'm standing between love and hate..
Left or right? no..i'll go straight ahead..

I don't have any reason to wait, or let go..
Till now, i can't find myself the right answer..
But i have my own reason to keep living on..

With or without you,I'll singing this song..

With or without you,i'll sing all night long..