OriFic The Other Side of the Road

Road 3-2 : Butter

Spoiler: Road 3-2

I want to discuss about the importance of self-reliance. I describe of it, as your determination y to rely on yourself, no matter what happens. It's not about the other people which decides where you will be and what you will be doing; all of it was your choice, and no matter how much they tried to force you, if you truly wish for something else, you can always make way, even if there's no such way in front of your eyes before.

Of course, all of it was just a theory. In real life itself, it's practically difficult to maintain a comfortable living just being alone, I mean, completely alone without other people, having to rely on your survival instinct, not to mention all the unknown dangers out there. At the very least, you need to rely on those with knowledge to teach you the ways out there. Not just one or two people, but lots, not only the basic knowledge, but also how to apply it in practical ways that suit you as much as possible.

Sure it's possible without any kind of knowledge from the teachers, but it might be risky—your wisdom is limited as a human—your assumptions might not be always correct with the lack of experience you had. It was about the survival in the wilds, without any human being around.

In this modern age, I thought about how I relied on the people working on the power generators for all the electricity I use to power all the stuff in my room, like this computer I was typing on, the air conditioner, the lights, the music keyboard, the electric amp for the guitar, and a lot of other things. Not to mention the water supply, and the stuff I'm currently using was all the product and hard work of someone else.

Even if I didn't realize it that much, back then I always relied on everyone else to solve my own problems. One of them was money. They had to work hard to provide for me, while I was like, I couldn't do anything. I thought, well, no matter how you look at it, to earn money, you must rely on others ti give you by giving them what they want. While they're at it, as long as they have the money you want, you'd be at their own complete mercy, unless you don't need it from them anymore. Though that means, when you need the money, you gotta look for someone else to rely on, to give you money.

It was the byproduct of relying on someone else, not your own hard work. Even if you work hard, doesn't mean you will earn money from it, but when someone finally decided to reward you by giving yourself money. It's not completely up to you how to make a living, and by that idea, I found living to be a very sad thing, having my fate decided by others because I couldn't get money on my own.

Because it was so sad, I wish to forget about it, living as the issue didn't exist, since it was outside my control. There I thought, it might be impossible to completely rely on myself for everything. I knew full well I was really weak on a lot of things.

What I can do is to limit how the influence of others will negatively affect the things I could actually do, and I shall learn how to do it for myself, regardless how others will approve of it or not. Doing everything that I can, living by assumption that, these amount of money I had left, is the same thing with my lifespan.

There might be not much time I could enjoy a decent meal or living, so I gotta ravish it as much as possible. I gotta live my life to the fullest, because after all of that I'd probably die. There might not be any future in store of me, but at least I can make the little days I had, be the best memory ever.

It would be the memories that I cherish, that I was able to live without much regrets.

It's fine really. It's all good. Nothing could possibly go wrong in this.

I just thought, if only I could earn money just by being happy, I'd probably would live forever when everyone else had died. Well, maybe it would be nice if earning some money was that simple.

Though yeah, I'd probably never know how ti goes until I reached that point.

I was just preparing for the worst case scenario, at the very least, I'm prepared to die for my beliefs, and I'd be preparing for it the best I can. Even if it's not much, I'd like to see a bit of improvement and change, to make this life the things I want to be.

As a result, I removed the term of 'compromise' from my dictionary, and all is well.

I'll say it again, nothing will possibly go wrong from this. To be said, it's probably not the right thing either. There's a grey area between right and wrong in this world.

Assuming that what I do is right, and things will went well, I'd probably just try to write something that is fun, instead of contemplating about life like this.

...but hey, it was fun writing this, so that could work.

Well, even after all that contemplation, I thought of self-reliance, in limited terms, to be the core of my own existence. Not sure how important it was to you though. I kinda went by this way of life, since no matter what I do, I always find myself to be alone. I couldn't connect to others around me and I couldn't feel the kind of friendship and warmth everywhere I look.

I just resorted to this because I was tired of being hurt and be disappointed by others around me. So I thought, well, it's fine to be ignored, it's fine to be thought as non-existent.

I had enough of thinking all the time about others that wouldn't care about me at all.

It's time to care about myself, about my own life, and starting again from the very bottom. Maybe, I'll see it changing for the better, who knows.

 

Road 3-3 : Cheesecake

Spoiler: Road 3-3

At one point in life, I thought of myself as a failure in life, that my existence meant nothing and it would be much better for everyone else around me, if I were to disappear. That way, I wouldn't be burdening their lives and hurt them anymore. Yet, I realize even when I disappear, I would still be hurting everyone which had a memory of me, in one way or another.

Not because they cared about me, in the slightest, but the mere memory of someone you knew had died, none of them was a pleasant thing, Even if I hated someone a lot, and I wished for them to die, when they actually died it would always leave a bad taste in my mouth. Thinking it was all my fault and they knew it, they would haunt me and curse my entire life for a while before they finally departed to heaven, or maybe hell.

It wasn't really apparent which were the ones heaven or hell, both of them seem rather unpleasant. The other one was so boring and the other one so distressing. I'd probably want to live forever instead, but there's probably no such thing as forever, since even the universe had its share of age. It's just would be a very long time, and even immortality was just delaying what is inevitable. At one point, every single thing in this universe would die for sure.

What about God? Would the supreme entity be able to bear through all thes infinite span of time transcending countless number of universes until their reset? Who knows for sure, probably not me.

Oh well, I was tired and bored of this topic. Let's talk about something else.

Like anal.

 

Road 3-4 : Eggnog

Spoiler: Road 3-4

About the money thing, I read a book titled the Wisdom of Investing by Ben Ragnar. He was the top student in his business school and he worked really hard in an auditing company for years before starting his own investment firm. His wisdom was the inspiration for multi-billionaire Waffle Bonnett to become the king of investors. I got to Ben Ragnar from Mr. Bonnett since I was a big fan of him and his investment ideas.

Mr. Bonnett said that investing should be as precise and exact as a mathematical problem and as if you're building something very important. Before the decision of investing, assume that the entire stock market would close for the remainder of your life. It should be something like a sacred marriage, you will keep it forever, look at it, analyze it as if you're searching for the perfect woman (or man) in your life.

Do not ask a consultant how to make use of your money—they will only use your money to make themselves richer. The same thing as if you're asking a barber if it's okay to cut your hair or a taxi driver if it's the time to drive off somewhere. One of my most favorite quotes by him was about the decisions in a group: the only answer is to look in front of mirror.

The only thing that matters is your own opinion, so make it as best and sound as possible—that's what I got. You don't have to listen to others who probably didn't know what they're doing at all, even if you listen to them, no need to take them word-by-word, just the things that can be advantageous to you. I like Mr. Bonnett since he devised the investing strategy as something exact, rather than speculational.

If you really know what you're doing, any kind of risks in the eyes of a fool would be none in your sight. Which is great, I always hate RNG stuff a lot in my life.

So I followed his advice since I had some interest in business thing and I wanted to be able to provide my own living with it. I got the book from Ben Ragnar, Mr. Bonnett's mentor, and tried taking some read. Turns out, the investing was much deeper than I thought it would be. Mr. Bonnett apparently only took the things in a format which laymen could understand, in order to develop their mindset and giving a warm welcome to this field of endeavor.

Ben Ragnar's disclosure was very unlike the concise and simplistic way that Mr. Bonnett taught me. It was filled with statistics, and in-depth approach with lots of calculations and analysis. It went to become something that was really complex and uninviting. Like Ben Ragnar, Mr. Bonnett was also a top student in a world-class business school, he was truly a studious person who could read more than 8 hours per day.

As for me, I'd like for it to be simple and concise, straight to the point. It's not like I wished to make a fortune of million dollars or devising a plan to buy a multinational company and able to live luxuriously just by its devidents. Before I went to Ben Ragnar's book, I knew three main stuff on investing: stocks, business and real estate.

I also read something about real estates: if you truly know what you're doing, you don't have to use your own money to profit, you could use someone else's money, for example, the bank's money, and use the rent to cover the payment and interest, while generating quite a hefty sum of income for your own.

The business thing I got from a board game which taught me some stuff about investment. It started out slow, but after a while you can get an event which allow you to upgrade your business, increasing your cash flow. After your passive cash flow was much more than your entire spendings, you would be on the road to riches.

Well, sounds too good to be true for me. If it's that simple and straightforward, a lot of people would be millionaires already. Well, actually, there's already a lot of friggin' rich people, and their numbers kept increasing lately. In the end, it's most likely just a matter of time before those people got even more filthy loaded.

That aside...

In the book, however, there was something about bonds, Trust Fund or something like that. Something that would protect your cash from inflation rates, I think—it also discloses about the pros and cons between bonds and stocks. My friend took one of those bond programs. Might be for retirement thing, issued by the government. He said about protecting his money from inflation too.

Here comes the main issue though, all of these books about investing didn't give me a solid ground to step in. It always imply to me that I needed a solid starting capital and active cash flow before starting out. In this case, a decent paying job and a lot of other things that could be turned into an asset—things which generate cash flow instead of deducing it.

It didn't really help when I was just a college student with no actual job and had no motivation to start working just to get that active cash flow. It's not like I didn't want to work. I just had no clue on where to start, and I was so picky about everything. I didn't like having to commit to peculiar schedules or commute, with the streets being hell jammed every single day.

Would be great if for my job, I could just work from home, via internet connection, and the job was something as freelance stuff, or it was something consisting of projects instead of hourly work. I got interest in music, games, anime and writing. I would like to be the one with the ideas and the one who design and plan stuff, I'd also like to motivate others to keep going, based upon my real-life experiences.

The point is, I wasn't sure who to ask, and how should I start up, I also kinda hate all of the procedures such as the thing with hectic interviews on the office with formalwears and stuff—screw that. I wish to work in a creative-oriented job, not being a corporate drone bound by bloody stupid rules and regulations.

Well, if I kept going on I would keep listing all the excuses on why I couldn't get a job, whether its working for a corporation, a freelance group or self-employing myself.

My point being, while these books with the ideas and stuff were pretty awesome for getting the general idea, I felt it was severely lacking in terms of helping me
starting out in this field of endeavor . If I ask some consultant or such or any kind of help, I didn't have any money for it. Most likely it would just waste a lot of cash with no returns.

So I thought, maybe if I didn't have money yet, I'd better to invest the things I had, in order to make the best profit of it as possible. One of the things I took note of, is time. Whether or not I tried using it, the time will always flow. The value is relative depending on how I make use of it. Nothing could possibly go wrong when I did something I'd like to do.

It was like having an endlessly flowing streams of cash and it would all be spent no matter what you do, so I gotta grab as much money as I can and turn it into an actual tangible form in order to secure my lifespan. I realize I need the cash to continue on living, but yeah, I knew full well it wasn't the most important thing.

What I really need to focus on, is the remainder of time I had left, where I could still taste my own freedom, and this kind of resolve is why I was able to gather my thoughts and write the entirety of this monologue.

I wasn't sure if something like this would be much use to you guys, but I wrote this with wanting to focus my thoughts on the issues at hand, hoping things would be crystal clear with all of the issues presented. I still didn't really believe things would be sorted out immediately, but I knew where I want to go and what I want to do. The final piece of puzzle was the best way to accomplish it, and finally put the plan into action.

I hope the time would still be enough for all the puzzles pieces to line up.

 

Road 3-5 : Porkchops

Spoiler: Road 3-5

As the sounds of artificial rain poured down in my speakers, I took a bit of time and think about stuff I wanna do for the rest of my life. I guess, eating and sleeping was a fixed answer. I'd also like to play video games and listen to music, watch some shows and read something nice. I wasn't really sure whether I'd be continuing on my hobby such as writing.

For a lot of people, there'd be things they use as a stepping stone to live a comfortable life. Some decided to work their hardest while they're young, just so they can retire early and that's where they started to have all the fun. They would endure just about anything in order to get what they want. Probably something similar to those aspiring to become a good artist, author and musician. There'd be a lot of pain in the process of learning, so they can finally reach a level they'd be proud of.

As for myself, I' wasn't sure if I could endure it. I thought my life probably wouldn't last that long if I had to delay doing the things I want to do. I often thought of stuff as If this would be the last day of my life per se. At a glance, it might cost me my entire future, but this might be a fair trade-off. It's my own way to finally get to places I wanted to be.

The thing is, where the ways of others were already proven, I wasn't really sure about mine. I tried to rationalize, that when the ways of others might seem promising, not all of them would actually work out since me and them had a lot of difference. Between personal ideals, how we do things, and also the environments around us. All of them had background much different, and it made me unable to completely relate to their struggles.

My process of learning things were a bit different than others. To pull an analogy, let's say for example, learning a song, I couldn't learn it by reading the musical sheets or playing the actual chords. I had learn this by ear and devise the way I could play this, the most similar to how I could play comfortably. I don't care about sounding good or making it sound as it should be. I just wanted to play it my way.

A similar thing put was when I had to write a paper or stuff with all the theories and diagrams I put. Instead of relying on the example, I just made my own things, I could make sense of, but it was something very different than me just playing music for hobby. I had to experience a painful rejection from doings things the only way I found suitable in. Well, unlike myself playing music or so, this kind of paper was just a stepping stone for me to get out of my own current education.

I found no way in every kind of situation, where I would be obliged to do it with all the sincerity in my heart. I just thought that I had enough of this thing and I wanted to focus on something else. Which made me wonder, compared to all the people that were successful in what they've do, we got one similarity: being stubborn, but at completely different things.

The ones successful were stubborn in braving through the things I like, and I were stubborn in not doing it. I do realize what happened to people who followed similar line of thinking as I was. They told people around that they were homeless, starving and had to use the library to find an internet connection. Like me too, they didn't want to commit to anything or live by the rules of society, they just wanted to belong where they can be themselves.

Maybe it was the time for me actually taking resolve to at least get outta my problems. Yet, I figured, if I really wanted to get out of it right away the way the others wanted me to, wouldn't I already did this a long time ago? Rather than be riddled with reluctant feelings, I'd be glad on commiting myself to finish the stuff I was tasked in.

As for now, no matter how hard I tried to gain a resolve, it all ends up me not doing it. Maybe I could do it, albeit with such unwillingness, if my parents were to come barging in and would watch me all day trying to work on my paper. Though, even so, my thoughts would drift to how I found their presence to be a limiting factor, and it actually made things stalled a damn lot rather than actually making a good progress—I just wanted them out in this as much as possile.

I had gathered my thoughts to why I found it's very unlikely for me to finish soon. So I just wanted to take my time, focusing on things I like. I found, that the hardest point I had right now is to compromise with my parents. I didn't listen to them and they didn't listen to me at all. Well, from the very beginning, I thought the main thing was about my parents. They wanted me to have an education and a well-paid job.

Though, for me, the education didn't really matter. I learned absollutely nothing in all these long years, pertaining to the subject itself. What I learned the most came from all my disdain of it, and it leads to me trying to discover about my own motivations. As a result, I thought, how others felt didn't matter anymore. I would be glad if I could get as much power as I can, to bend their will in order for me to live as I please.

I truly long for the ability where I could manipulate others to do my own bidding. I hate dealing with difficult negotiations; I truly hate dealing with others.

Well, I guess I got this kind of thinking from playing games a lot. Back then, while I was stuck, I was relying on cheats most of time instead of trying to get better at it on my own. I realize, well, it doesn't matter if I get better or not, I just want to play it for fun, in my own way. Screw its rules, since they put the cheats here, might as well use it to make that game the way I want it to be.

It didn't change the fact that I was a coward. I ran away from my problems all the time, leaving it unresolved. Maybe things would be much better if only I wasn't all alone, like there were someone who could understand me, and support me, able to push me through the boundaries I put up. Since this kind of living is just too difficult for me to go through alone. Yet, if I plead as much as I could, would the right person eventually came by?

Most likely not.

I thought, my paper wouldn't be this much of a mess if only I got someone I could work with. Someone I got along rather well. I knew I got a lot of weakness, so I needed someone to cover up for me. Who would have thought, that there was unfairness in the world for someone who couldn't socialize well no matter what?

I once thought highly about self-reliance, but I could only get so far by relying on myself. Maybe it's time for me to stop being such a loner, or I would actually end up in the streets any time soon.

 

Road 3-6 : Potato

Spoiler: Road 3-6

In this day, I had a thought. Not unlike the thing I usually just think about. I was just thinking, that all this time, I've been making decisions which made my life much harder than it should be. I cut all the contact with the things I obliged to do. At first, I thought it would be much easier to go on by my own honest feelings. That I wished for something else in life.

It might be easy for others to just follow the rules, but for me, there's just something which made me couldn't do it no matter what. Yet as for now, I had much smaller window of opportunity to be free and do what I want. In my mind, there were several nervous breakdowns again. I was afraid of the outside world and all those uncertainties behind. I was afraid of having to deal with the people I once ignored and cut all contacts from. Those who wouldn't accept me as I am. Those which forced me to be who I wasn't.

Deep in my mind, I thought, I just wanted to turn back the time, to the point where all of this had started. With all the experience and wisdom from the past, I would like to go through several things differently. The main idea of what I was pursuing was being as brutally honest as possible with myself, and only doing things I could do with utmost sincerity. Only living by my own rules, and not having to follow those I couldn't agree for. Yet, what have I accomplished thus far? At least the others would be somebody by following the rules—what about me? I had no money, I had no connections and no talent nor determination to do things all the way, regardless of how I love or hate it.

I was all alone. The only thing I could rely on, is something very unrealistic. That by pursuing all of these honesty even further, braving the depths which might lead to insanity—there would be something magical in store for me. The key to solve all my struggles was there. The thing which made me able to stand on top of the world without having to follow the rules I didn't like, and without having to rely on others that were fickle.

While at one point, I thought of my decisions as wrong, which made my life even harder than it should be, I noticed a possibility of what will happend when I reached the other side of the road. It might be thorny and painful, with no guarantee of a future. It was a road not many dared to brave through. It was a possibility, that all of this pain wasn't because of incorrect decision, but as a test for me to discover, how genuine was my desires, and how big was my love to it.

Yet for something so unrealistic to happen, when will it be guaranteed? I didn't have much time left to survive; I most likely won't be able to hold out after one or two days later. I waited for years and years for the magic to happen. What if all of this was a big fat lie created by myself to lure me into a false sense of security? Or was it already there? Though why it was so hard for those magic to resurface? Was it because of me not seeing things as it should be?

I was far too idealistic to even let myself do anything.

The further I go, more and more options led me to killing myself as an easy way out. I was marching straight to my death. I kept thinking about how the life of others, who could just be at peace by following the rules, and my own life, which was riddled with despair and uncertainties. At least they didn't have to struggle through all of these existential crisis and still achieved something in life. I had to struggle for years and still attained nothing.

I guess this is the kind of fairness in this world. Mulling over and trying to be yourself, in a way that couldn't really be appreciated. The wisdom about being yourself towards success only applies to those few whose motives could be justified by lots of people. It's all about the others, in the end. I couldn't say I was proud of my own determination to something stupid like this. I began to really think, all of this facade was just so dumb.

Yet, if I gave up now, what is the value of all the efforts I've put so far? How long must I wait, in order to break through my limits, and finally found something which would led to a turning point?

If I went back to live according to the rules, it's fully certain that I wouldn't be able to cope with anything. Though, if I continue on forward, there's no guarantee what would happen either. No matter where I go, I would end up dying soon.

So, before everything was over, here's my final words to you.

Don't be someone stupid like me. Life has no appreciation for someone who's being themselves. Be as fake and fickle as you can. Wear a mask and learn to pretend. Your true feelings doesn't matter at all. When you tried breaking through all those falsehood, everything will crumble to ruin and so does all promise of a comfortable living.

Don't ever walk this path if you still want to appreciate life, except if you wished to hate yourself.

I might say these kind of things, but I still had hopes for the bright sky to come in all this aftermath. If only those hopes and dreams came true, then I would gladly change my own conclusion as I see fit.

Until then, remember to always follow the rules of life and society, when it's still not too late to do so. Don't be yourself, no matter what, or you'll end up like me.

 

Road 3-7 : Curry

Spoiler: Road 3-7

When I think about it, my beliefs are stupid. Others had their own merry lives without any worries, while I was struggling to reach that big decision. Or maybe it's because I know nothing about them. I only know the things they reveal about. You know, I never wanted this kind of life where I felt like I was being chased by something. I'd prefer a much more pleasant one, where nothing could possibly go wrong.

I hate this life; I hate my own life. This isn't the kind of outcome. Well, have I actually wished for this thing to happen? Most likely not, but there might be something which I didn't realize, which is kept bringing me towards something which gave me unpleasant memories. I basically tried to discover the truth of my life—but was that really worth it?

Definitely not, if I had to go through all of this pain, yet still achieved nothing.

There might be something really wrong which I haven't realized sooner, if there was actually a magic, why there's nothing special happening in these past 6 years?

I might be a complete fool in believing in such things.

Or maybe the magic was already there from the very beginning, yet it was me who failed to realize its existence.

...since the entire time, I was looking at the wrong direction and never bothered to turn around.

Knowing that, I might be the biggest fool who ever lived.

 

Road 3-8 : Teatime

Spoiler: Road 3-8

It all begun with a certain fear about the unknown. What kind of things will happen, and how to gain such enormous power, which will make you able to cope with just about everything.

It was a journey which made me forget about enjoying life in its simplicity.

For I knew, the greater the power comes with a greater burden. It wasn't always a good thing. Yet, there's something everyone without power always have.

If we don't have power, it's none of our business. You can't force us to do something that is much beyond our capability.

...and so is the recipe for inner peace.

Ignorance is bliss.

End of Road 3​

 

Epilogue

~ What Lies on the Other Side ~​

Epilogue

Spoiler: Epilogue

The story idea was inspired from the poem by Robert Frost: 'The Road Not Taken'. As I reflect upon the poem again and again, it reminded me of my own journey of life.

At first, I was traveling the path many others did. I realized it wasn't meant for me. I took the path less traveled by, and it actually had me the same distress. As I went by this path, I realized I kinda regretted my decision, but alas I have made peace with my own past self and kept moving forward. Maybe this journey wasn't a good memory at all, but as I recounted back in my memories, it's the moment where I actually made a difference in my own life.

Even if it ends up ruining a part where I supposedly be on my merry way, living in peace like everyone else. Yet, taking this journey, it made me learn, the importance of this simple life, instead of just taking it for granted.

I began to think, that the magic I actually had all along, was something much simpler than a mention of power.

If I can make a wild guess, it's something which would make me smile and appreciate life as it is. I don't know what word is to best define it.

Let just call it 'hope'.

I have a big hope, that someday, we can all sleep together in a big mattress and talk about our wildest dreams in life. Until now, hope we can meet again, sometime.

Best wishes for your lives.

The End

 

added the chapter list and the closing note, this will most likely be the final update.

thanks for being with me thus far.