The Diary of Ashiya

maybe i know, maybe i don't
i probably will be good at it, or maybe i will just screw it up
no one will ever know until the day it happens

i thought i could just let it go..

but then the 'what if's made appearance
'what if i screw it up?'

it will be really hard to take back anything
and i will end up being such a disappoinment

and so i'm scared to even try to find out
and i ran away

#ashiya

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36 hours from now..
i hope all of this waiting will finally come to and end,
so i can breathe again.

please don't make this harder than it already is..
i feel like i'm reaching my limit.

#ashiya

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imagine warped tour except in winter and instead of stages they do bonfires and all the bands do acoustic campfire renditions of their songs and everybody crowds around to get warm and all the merch is like sweaters and ski hats and there’s hot chocolate and snow and stuff. omfg #quote

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she is twenty and everything she is, always shifting it is..
she is a little bit lost all of the time,
and a little bit more than broken.

she's just sick of living in a world where all she does is care,
and she feels like no one does back..
she's sick of feeling that way because it's so awful.

she is just a little girl with long words,
just a tiny dancer with no control..
comes with mischievous mind and destructive behaviour.

and she hates being so insecure-
-so insecure that she believes no one will ever loves her,
or want to be with her.
she lets herself believe that she is worth absolutely nothing all of the time,
and it just gets proven that she is.
nobody cares..
nobody cares.
and that's literally the worst feeling in the world to her.

she says to me to stop trying
she promises me nothing can save her

#am

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[video=youtube;zQucWXWXp3k]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQucWXWXp3k[/video]

been a little over half a year since the first time i stumbled upon this.
and i've watched or listened to it over and over since, for countless times.
but i still fvcking cry every single time.
#video

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gagal paham sama orang yang hobinya nyari-nyari kekurangan orang lain. kenapa negatif gitu cara pandangnya? emangnya enak ya kalo berhasil nemuin? bisa bikin hati senang gitu? gimana ceritanya sih?
#ashiya

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out of all the places you could be in,
why were you there?
out of all the words you could spit out,
why did you sound like you care?
#rhyme​

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between us it has always been so unpredictable
full of curiosity and it feels so thrilling if not exciting
no one can tell if this will lead to something adorable
but one thing i know is there's nothing wrong with this feeling
i hope you know it too
as well as i do
#rhyme

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Scientists are now beginning to say that the tongue map or taste map doesn’t exist. That no different parts of the tongue are responsible for certain exclusive tastes, and maybe I am part sour and sweet too, the salt comes from the tears, but maybe science has proven that I will never be as full of all the different star clusters and flavors as I’d like to be. I am just a mosaic of all the mistakes I made and wish I could take back but according to the latest scientific research my tongue hasn’t learned to apologize with all of itself just yet. #WofW

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“What if I can’t do it?”

“How do you know you can’t do it unless you try?”

“But what if I fall?”

“Then you get up and you try it again.”

"I'm scared..."

“Okay, how about we try it? Just once. I’ll be with you the whole time.”

“You’re not gonna let go, right?”

“I’ll stay with you as long as you like.”

#afterparty

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It’s almost September and I’m still trying to learn
how to rid myself of the floods that last rainy season left behind.

This morning I just got reminded
of how difficult it is to keep holding on.
He did asked about her.

We're all different, all bruised in our own ways, all soft and barely healing.
We are also small miracles. Every bone, every notch of spine and lopsided smile.

It’s almost September
and I’m still trying to remember this.​

#WofW

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Yesterday she ran through
the fields of burning light
just as the sun
had begun to set, and
everything was golden.
That’s when she thought,
that was what life was
supposed to be.
But somehow she
only ever got
glimpses of that feeling
a few more times
throughout the rest
of her years. She
only ever felt
that way again when
someone kissed her
on the forehead, when
someone cupped her
elbows in their hands
like even the sharp
parts of her
are actually worthwhile.​

#WofW

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Dear Stranger,
You think you deserve all this pain,
but one day you’ll wake up to the sound of someone showering in the other room,
and they’ll kiss your mouth full of soap,
and everything
will be beautiful again. x
#WofW

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dont lose pieces of your pages in his collage
there is always a bandage for the breakage

this was just a typo in the story of your life
survive, be ready when the next chapter arrives

let them play his song all day long
you gotta be strong, don't sing along

sit yourself up from the floor
and let your heart go door to door
until it finally finds what it’s looking for ~​

#rhyme​

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when you're bored, and feel like you have nothing to do.. it's actually really easy to find /something/ to get into.
you probably wanna start by going outside of your room, drink some more water for your health.. hehe

then maybe you can look into the mirror, focus on the nice things of your beautiful self, have confidence and take a selfie ~
or you can watch some funny videos, or read some more books, or make something.. change lives through art maybe..
edit pictures of your idols, create a gif, or doodle on your notebook, write down your feelings, make a rhyme..

listen to some new music, maybe play some on your guitar ~
or you can go to the kitchen to try a new recipe or have faith on your own experiment d:
or do yoga, kickin some ball, jump around
or just chillin out.. think about your goals, imagine things, dream bigger..

or go outside for some walks or some short-distance travel..
and carry your camera, take pictures of pretty things, smile at random people
and go to parties, dance away and have a blast, experience new things..

or go to bed earlier with your favorite blanket and get some rest <3

just be yourself, like what you like and do what you wanna do..
stop comparing yourself to others, enjoy the little things and have fun!

"Cherish your friends, stay true to your principles, live passionately and fully and well.
Love and be loved, if you ever get the chance."​

#ashiya

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#ashiya

.....​

.....​

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Spoiler: missing you

#picture

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take it from the phoenix who took a flight
it's okay and everything is gonna be alright

you may have been burnt to ashes
but you will rise again after
it may be such a pain in the ass
but you're gonna come out stronger

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#rhyme​

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i saw you were creepin there bruh *dancing brows*
no no no i'm not mad at all. duh
truth be told it's been so long since the last time something like this happened to me,
so yeah it's a nice surprise to get it now at a time like this, y'know.. when i really don't expect anything no more.
anyway, thank you (?) lmao
and uhhhmm yeh you're good and everything's cool, really
good day to you too x #ashiya

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