Σκασίλα του pejagalan

31 January 2011

am I real
am I a shadow
is there someone that can hear me
am still live in the same world with you or anybody else
or am i live in a different world

a world of darkness
a world of despair
a world of frustration
a world of failure
a world of broken heart
a world of lonesome

i don't what i have done
i just someone out there that can hear me
sometimes it seems that no one hear what i said,
no one see me
no one care what i did
no one in this world love me
only Him, who loved me

but sometimes, i really hurt by what you did
it seems that you don't care about me,
it seems that I'm just a shadow
everytime you tell me what should i do,
i will do it
only for making you happy

but sometimes i think, if you love me or not
are you really love me
well, i never get the answer
but, i always remember what you said,
and i always keep believing in your word
because it's the only thing that i can believe in

at last, maybe I'm just an egoist,
i never think about her feeling,
i always hurt her
i just wish someday i can make you happy,
and love you till the end of my life

~am I Real?~
~pejagalan~​

 

7 February 2011

sorryyyy
sorry for all my mistake
maybe i'm the one who is wrong
sorry for everything

maybe it's hard to keep believing in you,
but i will do it
no matter if i have to be hurted.
i will keep believing in you
because you're the one that i love
maybe i have to let it go,
let all my negative side gone
so i can love you more

i have to love you,
just the way you're,
even sometimes it seems that you don't care about me
maybe that's my fault, because i'm the one who can't show my feeling to you
from now i will try not to look for my own good,
but for your good

i will try to let all my negative feeling go,
and love you more

~Let all the negative feeling go~
~pejagalan~​

 

1st December 2011

apa gnanya gw hdup
kalo hidup cma buat ngecwain dan bkin sedih org laen
kalo hidup aku ga prnh dihrpkan buat apa gw hdup
klo trus bgni gw jga ga brhrp buat hdup,
mls bgt rsanya hdup klo krjaannya cuma ngecwain dan bkin sedih org yang gw syg
buat apa batu bara kalo ga bsa dibkar
mnding dibuang aja kan...

gw brhrp banyak kok,
gw cma brhrp bsa bkin org" yg gw syg sneng,
apapun cranya pasti gw lkuin
well gw rsa hdp gw udh ckup, mngkin emank ini akhir dr crta hdup gw,
ttg ssorg yg menyebalkan, ga brgna, sllu bkin sdih org
smoga kalian bsa bhgia, terutama kmu...

Spoiler: kamu

mngkin aku bkn ssorg yg smpurna,
ato bahkan aku bkin ssorg yg pntas buat kmu
tapi aku bhga bsa mmlki kmu, kamu ada sstu yg plg berhrga dlm hdup aku,
dan aku ga mw lbh lma lg nyakitin kamu,
aku sdar klo aku cma bkin kamu ssh
tapi sjjrnya aku sgt syg sma kamu,
aku bner" sneng dan bangga bgt bsa memlki kmu
tapi aku ga mw jadi bbn buat kamu
maaf kalo aku ga bsa mmnhi smua keinginan kamu,
jika hari ini adalah malam trakhir aku, beribu maaf bagi kmu syg
aku ga bermksd mengecwkan kmu....
mngkin ini kta" terakhir dari aku,
maaf untuk sglanya,
aku bkal sllu syg sma kmu...
jgn nangis ketika aku prgi ke tmpt lain,
krna aku bkn org yg lyak buat kmu tangisi
aku brsha mlkan apa yg aku bsa buat kamu
pkoknya kamu ada permata terindah di alam smesta bagi aku,
ga ada yg pnrh bsa menggantikan kamu,
beauty and the beast,
that how our love story is
love you now and forever
keep smiling

 

9th December 2011

I am can't write a song,
but I want you to listen to this song,
I pass you my earphone,
and listen to my song...

'I have no idea and I only depend on you
maybe right now I said I hate you
but I have already missed you
I don't know how hard this life without your love
even I can't imagine it
because for me love is everything...'

deep in my heart I hope you like this song
but I am no good at writing lyric
I just want to make you smile
give you something that you can remember about me...

my I am worthless to be kept
I'm good nothing but this is
what I've tried to make
just to see your smile once again...

I'm sorry for everything what I have done
I'm not perfect at all
but please don't break my heart,
to whom love is everything...
so, I will do it by myself

Untitled by no need to be remebered ​

 

12th December 2011

Spoiler: a letter to God

Kepada Tuhan,
kiranya Engkau mau membaca suratku ini. Aku yakin Engkau berada di atas sana dan tak pernah tidur. Jika Engkau berada di sana, bacalah suratku ini. Tolong kabulkan permohonanku ini. Ini jalan terbaik buat hidupku, tapi aku tidak sanggup melewatinya. Kiranya Engkau mau mengambil nyawaku. Aku tak kuasa lagi untuk menahan semua ini. Ambil nyawaku sekarang juga Tuhan. AKu hanyalah ciptaan-Mu yang penuh dengan dosa. Namun, tolong dengarkanlah surat dari hamba-Mu yang berdosa ini. Jika memang ini jalan yang terbaik bagiku, aku tak kuasa lagi menahannya. Sekiranya tolong kabulkan permohonanku ini Bapa. Aku tahu kehendak-Mu yang terjadi bukan kehendaku, tapi tolong dengarkan suara hamba-Mu yang penuh dengan dosa ini. Aku sudah merasa cukup kehilangan dan mengecewakan orang lain. Aku tidak mau merepotkan orang lain lagi. Namun, aku juga tidak mau kehilangan mereka. Sekiranya aku hanyalah benih pagi yang harus mati supaya ada panen. Tolong ambil nyawaku Tuhan. Aku memohon untuk itu. Tolong Bapa dengarkan permohonan anak-Mu ini.
Kiranya Engkau mau, tolong berikan orang yang terbaik buat dia Tuhan karena aku bukanlah orang yang pantas baginya. Dua permintaanku, kiranya Engkau mau mendengarkannya. Tolong Tuhan jaga dia, aku sangat menyayanginya, tapi bukan aku orang yang pantas untuk menyayanginya. Berikan dia yang terbaik Bapa. Orang yang bisa menjaga dia dan mengerti dia. Dia layak mendapatkan yang lebih baik dari aku Tuhan. Terima kasih atas segala berkat-Mu Tuhan. Jaga dia supaya selalu dekat dengan-Mu Tuhan. Berikan dia yang terbaik bagi dia Bapa.

 

16th June 2012

well, this is the biggest year I ever have
finally she gone

ga ada lg yg bsa gw lakuin selain menangisi smua yg prnah gw lkuin
gw bner" ksel sma dri gw,
knapa gw bsa sbodoh gni
gw ga tw mw nlis apa jadinya tba"

stiap hari gw
mkrin lu, apakah gw bsa dimaafin sma lu,
bsakah gw jadi tmen buat lu,
sjjurnya gw pngen lu balik
tapi stlh gw bca post trakhir gw,
that's me, that's the real me,
the one who love you even i can't have you
klo kta emang jdoh, suatu saat kta bkal balik kan
gw ga tw gmna persaan gw terhadap lu,
cuma lu yg bsa bkin gw tnang
every minute i think about you,
so i don't know if it's love or not,
cause i really want you to come back so bad

gw cuma pengen smsan sma lu,
bsa ngeliat lu, bsa mkrin lu dengan tnang,
bsa memberikan smua yg lu mw

but i have to forget all about that,
i have to be the real me,
the one who love you no matter what happened,
sbrapa bruk lu memperlakukan gw, gw ga bkal berhenti menyanyangi lu
smpe klo gw ilang ingatan pun gw ykin gw ga bkal bsa ngelupain lu,
krna lu bkn ada di kpla gw,
tapi di hati gw yg terdalam

gw tw kok ga bnyk dari gw yg bsa lu knang,
yg ada saat di mna kta brantem yg lu knang
but here I'm trying to change my behavior,
just for you...

gw tw kok bkn tipe lu buat membenci orang,
please just give me my last chance to still wake up every morning,
please don't hate me
gw tw kok gw bkn yg trbaik buat lu,
i'm really sorry for that

should be old kindness be forgot,
and never brought to mind
should be old happy event be forgot,
and never brought to mind
should be happiness we share be forgot,
and never remind us for old happy time we have
i know there wasn't much happiness as we share our time,
but please remember some
at least i have something good inside me for you to be remember

ah, my biggest decision ever
hope we can be friend

 

18th June 2012

one year ago,
the story about us begin
and now it's nothing

2 hari gw blm sms dia
gw pngen bgt woi bsa ngobrol,
ga gni mllu tapi pket hdup snang bkrja dengan baik
stlh ditumpuk slma 1 mgg,
gw brasa bner" bbs
tw deh dah brp bnyak tuh gw mkn
yg pnting gw ga

gw ga ngerti msti gmna lagi,
gw emang dah bnyak ngelakuin kslhan
tapi gw mw balik lg,
gw cuma pngen ngebuktiin gw bsa jadi lbh baik,
bsa jadi ssorg yg dia inginkan
gw rela ngelakuin apa aja demi lu

gw tw tmen" lu skrg mengisolasi lu dari gw,
gw emang slah tapi bsa kan kta mlai sstu yg bru
give me one last chance,
the reason why i have to wake up tomorrow,
i drive myself crazy
tiap mlm spya bsa tdr gw ngebyngin bsa ksh lu surprise yg sweet di ultah lu,
dan saat itu jga kta bsa balikan
pas mlai hari ultah lu, kembang api itu akan nyala,
menghiasi malam yang gelap gulita,
dan lu bsa niup kue ultah lu

tapi kenyataannya
klo lu tw itu dari gw, digampar kali gw
lu psti bkal nolak pemberian gw
gw cuma bkal diomelin, gw emang terkutuk

bru 2 hari
gmna mw smpe komitmen gw smpe bulan juli,
bsa tewas dluan gw
berharap lu bsa sms gw
woi sadar ga mngkin dia bkal sms lu,
smpe amun ra kluar dri duat aja ga mngkin

apa ini jalan gw
gw hrus mengakhiri ini smua
dengan bgtw smua mslh slsai

 

24th June 2012

tai hidup apa"an kya gni,
gw msti bersyukur tapi apa yg gw pnya
smua yg gw pnya hlang dalam 1 bulan,
knapa ga nyawa gw aja yg lu ambil
knapa gw msti disiksa plan
hilangin nyawa gw aja ssh amat,
gw jga ga sanggup lagi dengan smuanya

gw dah ga ada hrpan lagi,
smuanya udh hilang
gw msti ngapain lagi
emang enak tiap hari bgn tanpa tujuan
gw mnding ga ush bgn slmanya
apalg yg mw lu ambil
smuanya udh lu ambil gtw aja,
prnh ga si lu 5 mnit mkrin gw
ini jalan yg lu bkin buat gw,
knapa ga lu buat jalan buntu aja biar cpet gw nabrak

hope
only miracle but unfortunately
miracle doesn't exist

 

25th June 2012

woi gw dah blg kan ambil aja nyawa gw
ngapain lu msti bwt gw skit lagi dan tmbha skit skrg,
gw jga ga mw sakit"an
cabut aja lah nyawa gw,
kan lu mampu
gw jga dah kuat klo bgni trus yg lu ksh ke gw,
pernah ga lu ngeliat hidup gw dah hncur kya apa
prnah ga lu merhatiin gw, ato lu sma kya org"
mkir klo gw berbeda, sseorang yg ga perlu diperhatiin
apacoba slhnya klo gw pnya kebahagiaan
lu ga ska mkanya lu renggut smua itu dari gw dlm sekejap
apa slhnya gw sneng, gw pnya hidup dengan penuh kebahagiaan
skrg gw udh ga prnh tw lg apa arti kebahagiaan,
knapa msti gw
bahkan di hari ultah gw aja lu ga prnh dengerin kan permohonan gw
lu buat ultah gw hancur tw ga,
lu blg smua org msti pnya harpan tapi skrg gw dah ga mw berharap lagi,
apa slhnya klo lu dengerin permhonan gw, stdknya pas di ultah gw

 

13th July 2012

hey,
i don't know what I have to do,
I officially give up, give up on everything
maybe that's right that god has created a beast
a beast that everybody hates
but just let me do something right,
i don't want to make anyone hurt again,
i just wait here

gw ga mw ngerusak hidup org yg sempurna lagi,
yup I'm a beast at all,
people always underestimate me,
yup that's true, they don't look at me like they look at the others,
I'm just a beast...

gw cuma menunggu buat seseorang yang dtang,
dan mw memberikan hidupnya yg sempurna untuk gw rusak,
biarkan orang lain msh punya setitik harapan,
harapan yang membuat mereka terus menjalani hidup mereka...

officially I give up on everything and everyone...