# My inner chamber

Discussion in 'Dear Diary' started by Kurenai_Hotaru, Nov 6, 2009.

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Every people have their own privacy, so.. for everyone who read my diary, you may read it, but dont post anything. For your attention thank you very much.

Okay thats it for starting speech, now back to the topic.

05/11/09

Oh my God, i so tired today... this is the 3rd times im oversleep and come late, moreover in the same subject class... HSK (Hanyu Shuiping Kaoshi (A TOEFL test for Chinese Linguistic)). Yes tq for that, my absence has reached its limit and now im in a dangerous position for a penalty.

Not only that diary, my fiance act so strange today. I cant undestand what he want, whats the meaning in every words he said today, im so confused.... And finally he got mad on me... Yeah, i know he is mad though he said a big "NO" in front of me..

Oh God.. i hope tomorrow will be better than today...

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08/11/09

Finally i can fix the problem between us, huff, and he is too felt the same way with me, oh God thank you very much. Last night he is so sweet with give me a little suprise by took me into the place where it was our first date, yes, our special place. And who knows he give a suprise for my birthday.

Well, every bad problem isnt really a bad problem, there must be a good things too inside it..

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13/11/2009

Well, again, i must study hard for middle test, fight rena!! You can do it!!

Though im happy today cause my mom invited me for shoping, little inside my heart im feel sorry for my fiance... He got mad on me silently.. Im sorry dear, im so sorry, i hope you can forgive me...

Dont dare you too happy with something, because there will cause some little grief inside your heart... (A Chinese sayings)

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09/12/09

Huff, my study is become so hard to understand... And my score is fall from the top into a ground floor, great, another disgrace to my family as my parent said. Huff, this is suck, i must boost up my spirit for the final exam then. I hope my fiancee will understand this, cause i need study hard for get my score into top again.

Well, no worry for that now, what im worry now is holidays homework from my Laoshi and my college lecturer. I must finish it before A new year, cause itll be difficult if i bring any dictionary and my paper to our holiday..

Hope this year holiday will be a greatest one, cause he is going together with me now..

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13/12/09

Once again, i felt like alone today after gruelling with everyone in my family and runaway to my rentroom. Though my fiancee is still awake, im not dare to disturb him with his script.

Why my family cant understand that im already work hard for them? They just asking and asking again without knowing that im already exhausted inside.. Yet ive been dumped by my friends, i dont know why they did this. I have already said sorry if ive a mistake earlier before and after arguing with them. Why everything change so fastly?

Oh God, i dont know anymore.. guide me to your right choice... ease this pain and loneliness.. i dont know what i must do...

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Huaa, im exhausted tonight.. a long trip from Bandung to Jakarta, and a traffic jam in Puncak, great. But thx God, now my family and I at home safely. But i havent doing my homework, oh gosh >.<

I wish my classmate could help me a bit, but remember they had already remain silent because that incident, now i just can rely on myself. Out of record, we back to my plan now, guess what? Countdown to Christmas, wohoo, nice holiday with my fiancee to Japan, just two of us, oh i cant wait, its 3 days left

Oh yes, somehow I felt that im become more melachonly now, but forget it, Ill forgot that sooner.

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14/03/10

Its been a longtime since the holiday and i havent write again. First i want to say Happy White Day to all my friends and my family, and to my lovely dear. Many things i had to do so i didnt wrote at few months ago and so many problems i must solve in my life.

Yet again, a ghost from the past caught me today as im alone in someplace that i usually take a stroll. Why you must come to me when im already found my happiness? We already live in a different way. For us to meet each others now its too late. Those broken glass cannot be repaired again, so just leave it as it was.... There are a woman who need you than me, as im already found my happiness, and chase your own happiness. Walk in your path and ill walk in my path, our last encounter is just our last. Please just make those memory just a memory... a sweet memory for us... and thank you for your kindness before.

im so happy be with you... and now... farewell my ex first love, Im already found someone who i cant betray... while you already found someone who can fill my presence in your heart..

Last edited: Mar 14, 2010

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20/03/10

Okay, now im getting awkward about this situation, i already tell my boyfriend about the "encounter", and why he just smiled and laugh about that? Oh please i dont understand. It has been two or three days i havent contact you again, nor reply your sms. Are you really mad about that dear? Oh God, everything is so confused.

And today, maybe i can laugh happily from watching anime, read manga things, or little chat with my family, but somethings missing in my life, yet i dont know what is it.. Oh God, please let this thing become clear, cause i hate it!! >_<

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21/10/10

Allright, today i found myself at high school again four years ago. Whew, im so confused why i can become like that again, very arguing, unpatient, and suspect everyone easily. I hope i can runaway from that, i believe ive change from that time, and i believe it...

And today, with some multitasking, ive done something funny like accidentally write something wrong at T**u***s* lounge two times, post wrong data at other forum and mix the indonesian with english, while watching anime and text sms to my dear and my friend.

Oh well, maybe im just tired? Anyhow, i can sleep tight tonight, with something i can believe tomorrow..

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22/03/10

S**t, looks like there is some people who doesnt understand English come and post something useless in my diary like a junk. Well, i dont know if he can understand my lines here, but its looks like he doesnt understand what the meaning of my word at all.

Today, my air conditioner was succesfully broken, and now im struck at my mom and my dads room. Well, its nostalgic since elementary school grade 5 that ive been slept separately with my mom and my dad. But.. at the end of October i cant sleep with them again, though my dad is away with his work aboard now.. but at least i want sleep with them for the last time. Oh well, its getting late and i must sleep now.

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25/03/10

Da*n, what happen to me today, as if i crawl for sweets i found my dads vodka and drink it, great. Now i cant think clearly, fine, tomorrow is no class because my laoshi have an urgent bussines, so im gonna use it to get some sleep. Thanks to Siba, Zereon, Vuuga, Recca and Azure who acompany me in this forum to keep my sanity.. now im going to get some sleep cause my brain cannot think clearly...

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01/12/10

Its been a long time since the last time I wrote this diary.. 9 month.. and its too long I think.
Since my friend who use my current account promise me wouldnt read my diary, I wouldnt mind to cry here too.. This tears and this feeling mix together untill I cant figure it out anymore. Oh God, I cant think anymore again.... was it really okay that I just cry in front of You? Besides, i dont want everyone know about it.

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21/11/11

People change with time being.. I try to believe that, but some of my friends didnt change, theyd just stay same like they are with they bad attitude.. Its really make me want to puke. I know that I have no right to judge them, but its no different than a year before I think. Luckily I got this ID back and make some change for the password and email (Sorry friend, I need this id for a time being again.). Well, I dont know how people change.. or how they can accept people though.. but some of them cannot accept outsider or in their position theyd call you.. amateur in some place of this place.

I cant blame them too, maybe too many people who want ask them with bad terms or bad language OR they are really tired with it and just thinking: "Just read the manual, you faggot" like that. But what about if they are already read the manual and there is still some problem? People are not angel, nor robot, itll be wise if some of them change. Im burst a big laugh when my husband close a browser using my id and little upset with the outcome when he asked some problem in sub forum and anybody there didnt answer it or rather didnt give a notice like he wasnt there . Well dont mad dear, in here some of them are cant accept people easily, and they are just accept people in the same level with them. Because Im feel it too when Im go there.. nobody would help, the rules is learn it by yourself.. and if you have a problem or trouble shoot, read the manual. Still cant get through? Just forget about it, we wont help you even you asked.

People are sure interesting I see

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22/11/11

Some people never show their true face, they wear a mask, and so am I. But what will be happen when that mask are torn apart? Shame? Fear? Or maybe a new mask already cover it? The answer may be vary, but the most common is fear and shame. Its happened on my collegue who always wear a mask in front of someone she doesnt like. At the first time maybe itll be okay if that person is only meet you just for a slight or maybe you meet them at road, at bus, but dont try to wear a mask when they are your collegue. Well, she got busted for gossiping me, and my collegue. Well, I dont mind if you talk bad about me whether in front or behind, its your right, but consider it`s as your sin or maybe your karma. When she got busted by me, I just tend to smile and use a sarcasm words for her with other teachers laugh at her. Suits her well, because she did something useless.