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murasaki LINE

Discussion in 'Dear Diary' started by murasaki, Mar 18, 2010.

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  1. murasaki M V U

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    back to tomorrow WHERE THERE IS NO REGRET
    regret come, regret go​

    I start it with something that could defend me first... :piso::lalala:
    and this is a private life of mine and my only little b##ch sister...
    so don't mind me, its only a too sensitive blabber of a girl am i still a girl?

    Start!
    She was an ordinary student in high school when our mother passed away
    I, as the older sister, couldn't do much, because I too, still in high school
    Luckily, my father had a year with us before he went after our mother
    As he live as a father, I was so disappointed of him
    Why? because the one that made us live a ordinary life was my mother, she was the one that look after all of us, she was the one that make sure all of us have something to eat, she was the one that gave me everything I had. everything that a child should have.

    My mother sister, she life with us since I was a baby
    She look after me and my sister since then
    She was the one that working hard back home while I was studying at university
    She was the one that proud when I was graduating
    because all of her hard work was never in vain.

    My little sister is different than me
    She got some money from one of my uncle, my father's big brother.
    She entered collage by that
    Once a month there was a new thing she had
    A new TV, a new PS2, a new dvd, some new clothes

    I as a person, you all knew that I envy her, because of all that money
    Because even the money was supposed to be shared between us
    I never ask for my part
    Why? because I had some problems with that uncle
    So I don't want to use his money

    My little sister, she stop going to collage
    A subject that she claimed that she really like, in the end she said, its all just too hard
    There's no such thing
    I could even pass the torture of Architecture
    I mean, you know, when you compare it with her major of language

    She just stop going to campus, and no one could stop her
    Everyone have their effort to talk some preach to her
    She just don't budge
    And she added with every reason to be sick
    Wanting to go to hospital every week
    And every time we went there, throw away some amount of money and the doctor just diagnose nothing is too serious
    Every symptoms she said she had, nothing turns out to be a disease

    So I lost my faith on her for that kind of reason
    Every time she said she was sick, I simply don't care anymore

    I was tired of her, I sent her home
    While at home, she reason to everyone that could hear her, she is sick

    Time passed...

    She was asked if she wanted to go to collage again
    She debating with our cousins, our aunts and uncles
    At the end, she got another chance

    She once again, registering to a new major
    She start her first semester, making some friends, finding some difficulties just like every other people would do

    At some point she stop going to campus again
    So I asked her, whats wrong
    She said, her friends jokingly called her cc, as in older sister
    She found it a problem, that would made her stop going to campus

    I was at my first year in high school
    I don't really know what the reason I done that, but I guess I was depressed
    And everybody else seems to think so

    I was undergoing my half year at high school
    Then I fell sick, real sick, but after I recovered, I lost my will to go back to school
    I block every friends that asking for me, that time, I thought that they only doing that because of their obligation as human, not because they care about me
    I was so negative while come to those matters

    But as some people show me they really care about me
    I regain control of my mind, try to be more positive
    I start all over again with new friend
    even so I'm older then my friends, but I didn't feel down because of it
    I realize that I'm older, I used that to be my power
    A year older, doesn't mean I'm more stupid
    I'm smarter, and the proof was my report book
    A year older mean I should show to them, I shouldn't be underestimated
    A year older mean I could be more wiser than everyone else

    I didn't have the second to doubt myself, that I should regret my decision
    There's no regret I thrown away a year
    Just only an extra experience


    At collage, I have some friends that younger than me
    They (almost) all called me cc, even till now
    But it doesn't effect me badly
    I only think that its only a nickname
    After all what is the different of a year supposed to have?
    Positively just some more experience differ

    She just blocked all the opportunity that she have
    She just don't want to move forward

    She always want to be like me and all the time I always say my dislike
    Be not like me, be better, be yourself
    But in the end, she did everything like the way I done it before
    Is she happy going all of that?
    Is she regret going all of that?
    Is she satisfy enough to be like me?
    In the end I look at her and think is she ever going to grow up like people do?
    Is she realize the fact is she don't have parent left to pamper her, to care her, to throw food to her mouth?
    How is she gonna live if everyone else is going to die?

    But the problems of this matter is not the people
    Its my sister, who don't listen to everyone else, not even to me

    I remember telling her, not to think some useless things, and yet today she wrote that kind of status on facebook
    That is something that would show people that she is shallow
    Don't do people stuffs if you couldn't took care of your own matters
    All she do is just repeating her mistake all over again

    there's always two sides of every story...
    there's always some positives and negatives of every story...​
     
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  3. murasaki M V U

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    I DON'T KNOW what to choose
    options of life​

    I found this on facebook:
    Having a very bad mood day
    Why?
    One of my old status...
    'attention to details... Being able to see connection between things is tiring...'

    Days ago... I met with some old friends from collage.
    Just a couple of them.
    One, I already talk about her here. She brought a friend with her, maybe a boyfriend gonna be. And the other one is her friend.
    It's supposed to be 5 of us. But that boy didn't come
    Talking was only around our jobs, our memories of collage.
    Not much I could tell in here, I don't even remember what we were talking and laughing about.
    I remember I looking out to the other side of the window a lots. For me not to look at her.

    If you have time, maybe you might find the connection, she is the one I had listed her clueless of stupidity.

    I thought I had pass that feeling. But it's just some kind of suppressed feeling. It won't rose up if I don't see her. And when we gather around still it's rose up. Even with her friend next to her.

    I remember every detail she did, from pictures. I could imagine every reason for every actions. Hidden or unhidden.

    Actually I embrace myself to feel the feeling. I knew I would have it at least a bit. And I wanted to see their chain of actions. But THAT boy didn't come. They al least talked on the phone. I saw nothing from her. Just ordinary. He's a bit too sensitive. She's quite shocked how he treat her that way.

    (analyzing...)

    I was deducting, he didn't come because he's afraid to see the cause of the three of us being in the same room.

    I was doing that back then, while I couldn't stand looking at those two.

    But strangely, he was the one that couldn't finally stand our presence together in one time.

    I wanna see what really happen between they two right now.
    How they're interact with each other. What is implied on their actions.

    ---​

    After...

    I heard him called her.
    He asked her about the payment of a work immediately.
    (that's mean, they already contacted each other when I don't know)

    That's upset me.

    Even it's about work, but he shouldn't asked her about that work. Because I knew so much she wouldn't accept that kind of job. But she accept, obviously that's because of him. To get a hold of him once again.

    Really foolish...

    At that phone, he said she's sweet. Just like he ever said to me.

    Not upset, just losing trust in him.
    How many girls that he's been said that to? These are the only I aware of. But we don't get together like all the time.

    Just a word...
    Only a word...
    Cost him a credibility...
    Even so, deep down, I don't really ever trust him.
    So how can I choose him?
    Given the chance, but I don't have the faith.

    After all...
    There is no use if I spend my life with someone that I should impress...

    Why should I wasting time?

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    :cinta: :cinta: :cinta:
     
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  4. murasaki M V U

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    mission STARTED!
    plotting...​

    This would be...
    How do I say these?
    Erm...
    A story about someone new...

    Why do I say those?
    Rebound...
    To all that knew me from very, very the beginning...
    You all should know this habit

    And

    Of course, you all know, that it won't work...

    Crazily, that's what I do...
    Hurting somebody else, to recover me...
    But what could everybody see is only me hurting myself even more, they pity me...

    And I don't know what's the benefit for me to write these...
    I made people looks down on me...

    But I don't really care much
    It's been a long time since I've not been able to express my feeling
    That's why, I keep piling it up, and keeping it inside, hurting myself, to someday I might explode...

    Whatever...

    A catch-up story...
    My options between two, if you asked me right now, still, I can not choose it.
    And after...
    The burden girl came...
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    So the story is about someone new
    I knew him recently
    At first, I don't notice anything about him
    He's just his friend.. Nothing more..

    Weeks ago..
    We played few games together..
    What could help me notice him a bit is that he was crushing down my high hope to win a game..
    By just 1 point higher than mine

    After that,
    Bit by bit, I notice him
    About to made him a fair opponent in games...

    Sorry... You should have enough post...

    To learn MY the art of seduction...
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    when it's going to be THE DAY I DIED
    so negative... so pessimistic...​

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  6. murasaki M V U

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    JUNSU!!! you are so beautiful
    ♥ ♥ ♥

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    Happy birthday my dear Prince
    김준수

    생일축하해요

    as the crown placed on your head, so there you are my prince...
    be bless in every way like truly royal

    every seconds of your life, i believe there are thousand of prayer sent to God to keep you in His hands, so this one is mine...

    wish him abundant of health, happiness, and faith
    guide him to every step that he took on your path, God
    caress him with your soft hand, God so he will be shaped as perfect as your creation
    bless him and his family, protect them and be marry
    last one, God, please bless his up coming musical, Elisabeth next year, amin
     
    Last edited: Dec 16, 2011
  7. murasaki M V U

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    when we are HOLDING BACK THE TEARS
    there is some times that we cry​

    A friend lose a mother
    She left alone
    A lot of condolences given, I'm sure
    But she asked for a pray for a mother to be at peace and happy life in heaven...
    Be blessed...

    As I had experience those moments
    I excepted every condolences friends gave me
    But even so they're honest saying those things, I still didn't feel anything changed
    Even so those words were meant to be cheer me up a bit, still didn't do much

    Losing someone is hard

    But right now, I only believe one thing
    Death is only the beginning of our life
    I believe, God is good.
    I believe parents are in heaven living happily with angels of God
    They don't feel hunger anymore, they don't feel any sickness anymore, they don't any burden anymore, they don't have to worry anymore.
    As long as we keep living, keep moving on, they don't have to worry about us anymore

    End of story...
     
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  8. murasaki M V U

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    MY confession
    Love, love, love... L. O. V. E. Love​

    This content might contain spoiler of The Hunger Games Trilogy
    Proceed with your own caution.

    How could be a Peeta Mellark amaze me?

    First of all, I wanna say I'm sorry for every single one of you that is fans o The Hunger Game Trilogy which I know that you're already been an admirer for the first time the books came out. I recently became fond of one Peeta Mellark, which I should say, he's been so greatly portrayed by Josh Hutcherson in the movie. And I'm sorry that I only found the books recently. At least I bought it before I saw the movie. Actually, I bought it very nearly, before I watched it.

    My argument was, I can't really decided that I should just watch it or just read it. So thanks to someone that giving me an advice, that I should see the movie first, so I don't have many expectation like when I watched Harry Potter. Because in HP, I greatly disappointed because I already read it like million times, and of course, I remember it in every detail. I saw HP 7 part 1 twice. First one, I enjoy the whole movie, which I haven't seen yet that time. But, on second time, I count every mistake that could contrary the books. But, second opinion, even I already read Twilight Saga quite couple of times. I'm not that disappointed not the movie, because, I remember I could hear every giggle that some girls that watched the movie with me. Every giggle that should came out if they already read the books. Because of that satisfaction of knowing every little detail that brings a little jolt of happiness I not quite hating it so much.

    So... Back to topics.
    I had seen The Hunger Games in movie. And having no expectation at all. I enjoy almost more than a half of the movie (no offense!). I enjoy when Peeta being interviewee about a girl he had crush on. It was so predictable and quite interesting. And we came to the part that Katniss and Peeta in the cave, you all know the kiss part. That's when I realize that, the books was authored by a woman. *rolled eyes* But, she is good enough to do that kind of story.

    The next day, I read the first book. I don't really have any impression on Gale in the movie. Because, I thought that he would or could have volunteered for accompanying Katniss, at least he could have shown how he really desire to protect Katniss. That was the one that I get deceived, that this isn't a novel based more on romance like Twilight. After all, Gale's part on the movie just so lesser than Peeta's. The book is like I was expecting, could give me more details that I wanted. But still, I couldn't get any sympathy for Gale. My eyes just went straight to Peeta. In the book, as I read it, I realize that kisses between Peeta and Katniss are quite much. I can't comment much on the difference between the book and the movie because I watched it and read it almost like the same time.

    My advantage from seeing the movie first is I could imagine while reading the books how the characters look like. One of my friends told me that he really surprise that Cinna was played by a black people (no offense once again). And another little thing is, I could pronounce Peeta's name correctly.

    Ok, back to the main title...
    How could a Peeta Mellark amaze me?

    First of all, his kindness. Giving starving Katniss that he doesn't really know some bread, while he take some rant of his mother.
    (This is when I mixed the books with the movie... In the movie, what I thought was, how could that boy giving a bread to someone while throwing it to a puddle? Isn't he looking up to himself too highly?
    But after the books, I know how kind he is. He did burn a part of the bread so he could give it to Katniss while his mother don't know about it. In the books, there is an explanation of this action. Because if his father once told him about Katniss's mother while pointing out Katniss. That was the time he start to fall in love with her.)

    After that his good acting skill. Actually, I still don't really know if he is really good at acting or just too innocent. When he play that role of Katniss's lover, made the entire Capitol believe in their tragic love.

    His patience of Katniss. He made it look like he could keep bright and radiant even if Katniss is a little bit confused with everything she feel, and about everything that could made her mind switch easily, and for every little thing she came out with just a short time of thought.

    Because when Katniss said, "Stay with me." he answered, "Always."

    Because Peeta would do anything to keep Katnis alive. Even if the price is his own life.

    The bonus is that Peeta is played by Josh and he's cute.

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
     
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  9. murasaki M V U

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    BALLOONS flies with memories - part 1
    sweet memories​

    Just a some recollection
    Let's the past go..

    Let's chase the future..
    New year, new hope
    Be marry me, be new me...

    Why be so bitter?
    Just because...
    It's nothing, should be nothing.
    But if I feel this way, is it really nothing?
    Or I just want it to be nothing?

    Even so if I feel that way...
    There's no chance at all
    So why did I still hoping?

    And why did I tempted to plotting out something might crumble you down?

    But still this is hate, envy!

    So let's trace back to a memorable memory
    When the time I had to learn so much...
    Learn about much thing...
    Such as school
    Back to the first grade, which I got my first crush that I could only remember him in blurry image. Second grade, the first time my teacher caught me cheating in a test. LOL. I was a really quiet little girl who just don't know everything, including any of the lesson. I remember that I didn't remember any of the lesson that should already thought of. So she summoned my mom. I got scolded by my teacher in front of my mom. That is when I learn that cheating is bad.
    So I recall, to my forth grade, there is only one achievement that I could be proud of. Just an outcome of a task where we should made a various shape of geometry like cube, prism, cone, ball out of paper board. I finished it all with my mom help at 3 am or around that. She wrapped it all neatly with a nice wrapper. And that day, my teacher took it to be displayed it in my class. At fifth grade, I realize for the first time that I was stupid. My first English teacher, told me that I was wrong because of my miswriting. I wrote 'me' with 'mi'. And because of that one time, I hate her, and also every time I wrote anything in English I'd be careful for every spelling. And also I've met my first ever best friend, Ran. We much went shopping, hanging out that time since. At sixth grade, I remember I cry maybe for the first time in school. Because of a boy just stupid enough to spilled ink on my test answer paper which I've been written on. But fortunately for him, that time there is no teacher near by.

    That was some memory I remember from my elementary school..
     
  10. murasaki M V U

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    this is who I AM
    I am just who I am

    " I always get what I wanted " ​

    Do you know what that's words means?

    You could translate it literally. And it's means what it is.
    But I put another meaning on it.

    " I always could get rid of what I don't want "​

    I had love romance..
    How could I explain this thing? Explaining love is so hard, there is not enough words in world could describe it.
    So what I'm saying is only a current opinion of my own.

    I'm asking do you believe in love?
    Could you feel the love?
    Some times ago, I argue with a friend of mine. About love is. That friend of mine, told me about love. Love is everywhere, literally. I mean, you could find it anywhere. Such as movies, songs, books. So I asked, "Is it real. I means it's only on tv or on paper. You see, every story is always seem to be coincidences or just too much make over to be true." So that friend answered, "Even tough it is like that. Love on movies, songs and books is right there, because the author, the song composers or the screenwriter learn about love from anything around them."

    So stubbornly, I asked again, "If every love around us in current time is just a form that copy things called love from the movies, books or songs. That's might be not the love it is. So what is love?"

    Answered, "If the current love isn't real love, then we just have to look back to our history. Where there is no lies like in the books, movies or songs. The real love is right there."

    I agreed, "Yes. Real love is there."

    That friend added, "If the real love is there back then. Then what we have right now is just a replica of the love back then. It's just the same. It's have the same meaning."

    What's odd is I don't really believe that the replica is still the same love. Because I can't see the real form.

    So I could say that, I don't believe in love, just because I couldn't see it, couldn't feel it.
    So the question is, is it my fault that I don't believe in love right now? Tell me..
     
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    HAVE OR HAD long way
    difference between past and future in question​

    25 yo, is it too old or still young?
    Is it too long or still long way to go?

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    Because is a really strange word.
    It's only one word. But, I had so much trouble to arrange some word behind it.*
    To be honest is really hard, to surface the true feeling is hard. I tend to hide myself behind this look. Tend to be stronger than I am inside.

    Last one, alcohol is strange things.
    It could made my skin had an itchy rash. I thought that I.. uh.. had an allergy to it. But I don't really sure. I had wine some night ago. I think that alcohol could made my tongue slipped so freely. And if I drink too much, my mind become so blurry, and maybe I couldn't stop talking. Maybe I need that... to stop myself kept things for myself only. I want some more... just when I'm with you... Let's see what happens later.
     
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    a THANKS TO...
    give thanks​

    Maybe it isn't thanksgiving. After all there isn't Thanksgiving in here. But I gave thanks today..
    You should know I don't have parent now. I had my own income from work. And the desire to give a form of affection to someone that raise me from a little kid is surfacing. But there is no parent. And the only people who raise me from a baby is my aunt, my mother little sister. So when my sister came here to have a little visit and have a major happiness of watching laruku concert yesterday which I'm not interested to see, I gave her an envelope with money within. My aunt texted me today. Some little words had me a glimpse of her happiness. It's enough for me. Even if she told me not to gave her some more. I will again someday later. She told me she cried and touch by those little affection.

    Even tough it's not much. But still it's had some meaning for her. But to compare it with every effort that she gave to me, it's still too tiny, very, very tiny.
     
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    i don't like love BUT I LOVE JUNSU
    clearly the title is blunt enough

    [​IMG]
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    finally... Junsu Asia Concert in Indonesia!!! it's official that I'm broke
    I don't have anything else to type... I'm speachless
     
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    we are TWINS
    my lovely bro​

    Does it weird to have a twin?
    People said that we're look alike. And I'm already thinks of him as a brother. And I don't really mind if anyone called us brother and sister.

    I never thought this through..
    I mean I just simply thinks that we're friends that have a similar face, that's all.
    I don't thinks that he's my brother, if you know what I meant by looking at my relationship with my real sister.
    But, days ago..
    When we're going out meeting with our friends..
    On the last hour, before we went home, when there's only the two of us.
    We saw an old man walking in front of us with crotched*back. He looked like having a hard time just by going into a mall, when it's should be fun or refreshing.
    My twin said, it's hard growing old is. I couldn't agree more, with the living proof in front of us. But I didn't say a word.
    He went on, I meant, it's really hard. I was telling my other friends that I would stop living at age 60.
    And he asked me, is it enough living a 60 years life?
    And I said, what if I said that is enough we lived a 20 years of life? And I added, I mean it's all different to a different people.
    And I keep on saying, do you really want to live to age 60? I mean, you are who would never get exercise, is it gonna be rough when you are 60 or maybe younger, right?

    That's just a meaningless talk right now.
    I mean, who we are talking about something isn't exact in the future? We're not God, aren't we?

    What this note saying is that we're not just a friend that having a similar face, we're having a similar thought too, with slightly differ. Maybe he really is my long lost twin.

    Some other meaningless comment..
    A lots of people saying we look like we're twin. Some would say that we're real brother and sister. Some would say that he's my boyfriend. Some even say that he is my husband.

    Funny it is.
    But I don't comment anything if that brought up.
    I mean, as my feeling for him is crystal clear in my mind right now.
    I don't know what's gonna be in let say next couple of months, or next year, or maybe ten years ahead.
     
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  15. murasaki M V U

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    just an ANDROID guy
    just about a regular guy​

    Many people would say that girl is really sensitive most of time. Like we are thinking with our heart is wrong. Why bother saying it's wrong, when we girls could say that men is wrong when they're thinking with their logic.

    I meant how could you say something are done wrongly when other could say that it's done right. It's all just a point of perspective.

    -every story always have at least 2 sides-

    That's the proper opening lines...
    Now when I go on, you might think that I'm irrational. So maybe I'd just stop you here. If you read further, DON'T EVER JUDGE!
    Huh.. It's remind me to a story in the bible. When Jesus meet a prostitute about to be stoned by people, He stopped them, and said throw a pebble at her if you know for sure that you haven't done any sins.

    Yesterday, someone offer me a bar of chocolate, when I refuse, she said, it could add a vigor, passion..
    Then I said to my smirking friend, it's one of a aphrodisiac food, you know? He know what kind of food is that. But, he don't knows aphrodisiac means. And when I tried to relate that to Aphrodite (Gods of love, beauty, passion and procreation - cre: Wiki) he even more confused. At that time, I wonder, how could one don't know Aphrodite? I mean, we approximately about the same age. Then I thought without judging, maybe some people just less more capable with words than I do.

    A few times after, he told me about another friends that involved in that conversation about Aphrodite earlier. He said that she is smart, even youth she's a bit younger. She knows words that he didn't know. So I asked him, so what about me? He said, it's different, he and I are about the same, sometime we don't know some words an the other time we know some words.

    I felt just being disrespected. I mean, I know at least two more words more than you. That's what I know at that time. And being more logical, I tried not to be carried away with my feeling so I didn't get upset. Don't mind me.

    But he started to tell me about someone else that she is stupid just because, she talked harshly to him. I mean, you shouldn't judge other people that more lack of words. If you want to help someone stupider that you, you should help them to understand to make 'em more clever. You should teach them directly, not telling about someone stupidity to me. That doesn't even have any merit.

    Have you seen yourself in the mirror?

    A little more thing, today..
    Men should have more responsibility to their words, I mean, how could we even respect them for their untrustworthy words?

    Like you said today, when I couldn't do a thing with a way. You suggested another way to do it. So I DONE it. Half way there, you said, why don't you sent it to a device that could do it for you.
    What's wrong with your previous idea? I don't think that is wrong. So I done it. But why even suggest something that contradict your own words?
    I found 2 things about this subject on you today.

    You are good with words, I know really well. You could make your way with your words. But don't ever manipulate people with your words for your sake. Because whenever you do that, I look down on you. You seen yourself too highly. I'm feeling tired of these world...

    Last for today...
    I've been holding it for too long, to search for the perfect way to say it.
    But I can't hold it any longer.

    There is no good music without Junsu's voice in it.
     
  16. murasaki M V U

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    tree covered in HONEY dew
    the impact Junsu have on me​

    Start from the official statement from JYJ official facebook about Junsu first Asia tour concert in Indonesia. Like in #72

    But there was so little information, only these:
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    Information about purchasing ticket and else, but they haven't open the ticket sale yet. And how much it will be. The rumor was the most expensive was 1,5. I won't hesitate to take that. After all, since the JYJ concert was canceled, I kept my money in case they would come next time. So, I had the money... Before #71...

    Before they opened the ticket sale on 14 may, I was scanning my twitter for more information and got me shocked. The most expensive ticket price is changed into 3,0. Twice as much, OMGS! That was the time I swayed between the Platinum ticket where I could sit down and enjoy watching Junsu with Festival ticket where I should standing with the crowd, even tough it should be more closer to Junsu. You could see the seating plans.

    And like a miracle, RajaKarcis tweeted about Platinum Early Bird Ticket, only for 1 day, Platinum ticket cost 2,25. I can't say no to that! So I bought that one. Maybe about half an hour after they opened the ticketing online.

    After transferring the payment, and waiting for them to processed it. I could print the voucher, which, I forget to take a picture of it.
    With the printed voucher, I could exchange it with the real ticket concert H-1 or on the concert day on the venue.

    About early June my XIA - Tarantallegra album arrived safely with the bonuses from PicnicXiah :cinta:

    [​IMG]

    On 14 June about 9 pm Junsu was safely arrived in Jakarta, some fans picked him up in the airport. Next day, I had seen a lot of blurry picture of Junsu in the airport. I just have the thought that he is really here. He is in Jakarta. I felt so blissful.

    On 15 June at noon the press conference was on. It's not open to public. Junsu said that he dye his hair blue because it's special for Indonesia. Because Indo is an archipelago.

    Actually about 1 week before 16 June, I read somewhere on twitter, they said something about gift corner. And I don't have any thought of giving Junsu a gift. Even after read so many project from CI and FIX. They plan to give him a snack from all over Indonesia and a collection of picture of fans with a coconut tree. Because Junsu like coconut tree. I didn't participate on those project tough. Because, I can't lay my hands on Cirebon's snack, I'm in Jakarta. And because I'm in Jakarta, I couldn't find proper coconut tree that I could take a picture with. And now, I'm a bit regretting it..

    And even tough I already thought about that gift, I couldn't decided what to give. I went to mall on Friday night after work hours, with my friend which screwed my time to find some decent gift for Junsu, because he made me too busy to looking for another gift for my friend. About past 9, and I haven't looking around for Junsu's gift. My first thought is Batik. But of course it's too expensive. I wish I had more time to go to the next mall. But it's late and I don't want to stay out too late, because I haven't write anything to Junsu yet. Which I had it planned to write it the day before. So after my friend left, I went to buy a magazine that had Junsu's face at it's cover. And went home.

    Hidden Content Hide H Membutuhkan 5000 post(s):
    **Hidden Content: To see this hidden content your post count must be 5000 or greater.**
    16 June 2012, 12.30 pm
    I was on the way to JITEC, Mangga Dua Square.
    I was still couldn't compose my mind straightly, and couldn't think about what's real and what's not. When I was about to arrive to the place, I saw a lot of flag all over the side of the street with Junsu face. I was about to cry overwhelmed by the feeling that Junsu is really having a concert in here and I could watched it with my own eyes. He is here in Jakarta!!! He breath the same polluted air as me.
    I was searching the big broad wall of the ad, but couldn't find it.

    When I came to the front of the building, I was looking for some sign, but couldn't find it, even tough I already put my lens on. And then I saw a couple girls, one of them wearing the concert t-shirt. I asked her, where can I exchange my ticket. She told me to go to the other entrance, but before that, she told me that the queue for entering the concert venue is started on 3rd floor, which almost crowded with people.

    I went to exchange my ticket.
    So there it is...
    [​IMG]

    And wait for WhiTeAdicT to come while exploring the surrounding area. There were a lot of unofficial person selling things. Various light stick, fan, head band, notebook, paper bag and t-shirt. After seeing WhiTeAdicT, I left my gift on the corner gift. There is also a stand for fans that wanted to contribute for rice to give to orphan kids under name of Junsu's fan.

    So we go on an elevator, and see WhiTeAdicT's friends whose already queue on third floor. Someone mention that ticket that bought that morning should get Junsu's poster with his autograph. We went down again to check if only WhiTeAdicT's ticket got the poster for free. And I found out that my platinum ticket has a free gift too, which I will receive when entering the venue later.

    So we join the queue again. When someone scream, everyone else scream too. When someone stand up, everyone else stand up too. When the queue slowly start to move, there are a lot of screaming going on and a lot of people that just came, they slipped into the queue. I thought to myself, I have a platinum ticket, and it had numbered seat. So I don't think that I should queue or get angry to people that skipped the line. We stopped in front of escalator to 4th floor. There were a lot of people ahead of me upstairs and more people downstairs.

    There were a few fanboy, which the reporter from Korea had interest to. They had them interviewed with a translator next to the girl reporter and a cameraman.

    When it's about 6pm when they promise to open the venue door, we are all screaming to get to the venue in 8th floor. Since the concert should start on 7pm. A little past 6, the queue start to move, being parted to about 20 person, we take the escalator to go up. Stopping per floor to avoid accident on the moving stair steps. The air quality on a room that contains about 6 people wide x 20 people length is so crowded to get fresh air, I feel quite bless to get on the out left side. I met my friend's little brother, which I thought that he wouldn't buy the ticket full price. We saw Ronnie Sianturi, whose promote this concert. Some people are complaining as he passed by. As we arrived safely on 8th floor, the sign in front of me are parting people that buy platinum and diamond ticket to the right where we had a more wider gate. I went in, they scanned my ticket, searching not throughly my bag, left my paper bag containing a water bottle and saw a big board poster on my left. People taking picture in front of it. I would like to, but couldn't, cause I'm alone, which if I take my own picture, I won't get a whole part of Junsu's face in it. So I just took this blurry picture..
    [​IMG]

    Reminder: For any future concert, must have at least a friend to take a picture for me

    I saw people taking picture with Ronnie. And eyeing the door to the concert venue. Had a glimpse of a LCD showing Tarantallegra MV. And catch a writing on paper on the wall said to get free items for platinum ticket holder, so I went there first. After I get the a copy of Tarantallegra CD, a poster and a notebook, I went to the venue.

    After showing my ticket to the usher girl, I sat down and look for the poster image for a glimpse. And start to pack things inside my bag so my hands only holding the 샤 lightstick on the right and my iPhone on my left. Start taking picture of the shining stage with the crowd that standing in front of me...
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    My seat, row A 18, was about 1 m higher than the people on festival ticket which standing on their feet. It's quite front because there is no one sitting in front of me. But just bit too lefty from the center of the stage. The platinum seats are all on the same level, then the set is made higher for the diamond seats, but I don't know for sure the difference of the height. As a few minutes passed, the center panel showed the emergency exit of the building. And after... THE TARANTALLEGRA MV showed!!!
    All girls were screaming...!!!
    I guess, I did too for a bit. The excitement are getting higher. To listen the booming sound to that big room. My heart thumping just like the beat. To see Junsu's face in a large scale screen, so made me go crazy. As the part when Junsu dressed as a girl, all were screaming again. The MV ended and the screen were showing the XIA logo concert again. A person sat on my left came, she came from Semarang as I recall alone. She said that she is fans of Yoochun. Yet, she bought the ticket early on the opening ticketing day just like me. I guess I should wait for more hour to buy the ticket to get on the center seat. She's quite talky, and she talking to the person next to her when she came, she is from outside of Java island, Bangka maybe? I don't remember quite good. She said she love Yunho and came alone too. We're talking about the upcoming but not official yet JYJ concert and SM Town concert. Which if it was realized would made us broke. So broke. And I thought, if JYJ came, I would only buy the festival ticket. Because it's closer to the stage, and even I might tiring my neck for looking up so much, I could see Junsu more up close. And had more chance for Junsu see me more :hehe:
    But I determine my mind, if Junsu held more solo concert in future, I would buy the most expensive ticket again. To seat comfortably watching my angel perform.
    More of emergency exit video and some ads. People are come and passing in front of me. Two of them that I knew was boyband from Indo, Hitz. I recognize Irwan, I was too mesmerize, I couldn't say anything. I was torn between wanting to took a picture with them and not. Because, I thought I would only took a picture with one artist only.. Junsu!! And so let it pass. And I realize that this row are so long which contain about 60 seats. And then another 2 MV of Tarantallegra being showed and some more ads. The fan-chants were great!! The light switched to the stage, more brighter on the stage, and getting more brighter and brighter.

    I looked to my phone and found the clock is showing 8.50...
    The music started, the beat was so left deep impression on my heart. I turned on my lightstick.

    [​IMG]

    I was searching on the center back of the stage, waiting for Junsu to showed up. But I realized late that Junsu was showed up on the front center of the stage. I saw him standing so tall in the spot light. He was sooo white. Whiter than I imagine he is. And so handsome :cinta:

    And my iPhone left on my hand, without being lifted up to take picture, because I was to mesmerize by him.

    My eyes are glued to Junsu. Where ever he move, I followed him with my eyes. I was so touched, I see him by my own eyes. In that blue suit, so sexy, so charming. The light was so bright. I look at Junsu face and I thought that he is so white, bright white. He is even more white than my own skin. I don't know, but I guess it's because of the light. (But he is that white! Look at this, and compare him to other people.) Junsu dancing with a stick on Breath.

    And continued with No Gain, with a brighter light. The opening melody is so ballad, liked it and then mixed with more upbeat and energetic dance and get slower a bit he did a sexy dance with his hands and hip movement :cinta: ended with a nice pose, which I remembered so much. I could hear his true voice, when singing it. He don't do lip-sync! And the girls are screaming when the girl dancer coming too close with him. I think I scream a bit too. And even more louder screaming when he did his high note while kneeling with those tight pants. The echo was left impression of his smooth voice. Everyone is screaming his name when the song ended and light goes out.

    The light goes in, Junsu said "Apa kabar? Saya XIAH." and continued "Saya senang.. bertemu.. dengan kalian" which replied with a lot of screaming. It's first time hearing him talking in Indonesian. And then he talks in Korean, and translated by his translator. He was saying how happy he is, come to Indonesia and receive this warm welcome and support. And he say that he's gonna sing the next song which gonna made us asleep. So I thought my favorite song! Lullaby.

    The screen oh his back slowly part to the side and Junsu slowly walk to the few step of stair at the back. And a dancer come in from the side, walking to him. Junsu is sitting down and the dancer laying her back on his thigh. Which made me screaming like mad, "Andwe! Andwe!!!" The longest moment ever I had scream. Holding her hands, even get their mouth an inch away. And then he stand up walking to the center stage and doing those sexy move with his hip. And the 3 dancer gather again close to him, bringing some pole thingy behind him. Junsu getting closer to them one by one and do some move that made us screaming in jealousy. I couldn't think clearly or even enjoyed his voice because of that. And even more, one of the dancer, blindfold his eyes with her hands all over his cloth. And the lights out. My favorite song because of this, become a bit stingy. And every time I listen to it, I could see in my mind how close Junsu was with that dancer.

    Light came in again, Junsu still in that blue suit, but he unbutton it. Made his black shirt more wavy and showing more skin. It's too bad I don't get seat in the center, I couldn't enjoy the sexy choreography so much. He did singing little by little part of the song. That kneeling part is arousing a lot of screaming. And that pose of kicking that I was waiting for, he done it swiftly.

    In the middle of the light out, Junsu screaming "One, two, three! Wouw!!" with his usuall tone of screaming dolphin. And the upbeat dance tone with thumping bass bringing more excitement watching him. A lot of energetic dance, his face was glowing with the sweats, to the neck and then.. Fans all scream-singing Set Me Free part. Amd the laser scene was so great! So bright the green laser is. After that he do the ad-libs singing while bending his upper body down and more few part of the chorus and the lights goes down while he's saying "goodbye" in auto tune voice.

    The screen was showing the preparation of Tarantallegra album. With Too Love as background song. A lot of fans were singing along the song. The video showing some part of the recording in studio, some part of Junsu practicing dance in studio, some part of the Tarantallegra MV recording. And when the Junsu part that appearing in the MV as girl, I heard more screaming. XD

    You Are So Beautiful. He was wearing the long white coat, singing this song soulfully. With his usual pose when he sang the high note, tilting his head to one side. Looks like, he's tearing a bit. Listening to his soft voice almost made me teary a bit too.

    There it was, the talk part again. There was a chair put on the stage. He is talking in Korean while his translator translated it for us. Junsu said something about he'll grant wishes. He said that we should tell him in one sound. And then he talk to translator ( next I'll write it T-oppa). T-oppa asking us what we want. All fans screaming what they want. I was thinking about going to the stage and have photograph and autograph of Junsu close up. But how can I say that in a loud crowd screaming? So I just wait and see. Junsu saying we should saying it one more time in unison so he could hear. And then T-oppa translated it. He talk that some of us asking aegyo, and then the crowd screaming in unison. Then Junsu do the angel XIA pose. When the crowd creaming, he kneel down shyly, covering his face with his hand. He quickly stand up asking for wishes number 2. A lot of screaming and T-oppa whispering something to Junsu and made him laughing, and the Junsu asked to us "Sexy dance?" and so he do the dance part in Lullaby. And his eu kyang kyang laugh goes out. A lot of fans screaming "buka baju!" it's a shame he didn't heard it. T-oppa whispering something to Junsu. And Junsu said almost scream "Bambaya!" and the crowd screaming again. T-oppa said "kalian uda tau ya?" while Junsu laughing and then asking in Korean how could we know bambaya. T-oppa translated it. And I guess a lot of us screaming "aro" and me too. Junsu once again said "Bambaya~" in soft voice. We all scream again. And Junsu said "Kamsa hamida". Junsu talk again and get translated by T-oppa about Junsu had already wanting to come to Indonesia for a long time. And showing his thumbs up. And he said that Junsu gonna tell about Indonesia other when he got home to Korea. The crowd screaming "JYJ..! JYJ..!" Junsu laugh a bit and talk about coconut tree in Indonesia. A beautiful coconut tree that he likes. And then he asked T-oppa what coconut tree in Indonesian. T-oppa whispered to him. And then Junsu saying it "Pohon kelapa" which get few screaming here and there. I laughing when heard him saying it. I hope the seating place is dark enough so Junsu couldn't see me laughing so hard. He said it once again to be sure "Pohon kelapa" and giggled. He's cute laughing it. And then he talk again saying his gratefulness. Junsu took a bottle and drink it. All the fans screaming "Saranghae..! Saranghae..!" He pat his face with a towel. And then sit down on the chair. He said he's gonna sing the next song, it's a really sad song. Even tough the barrier language would made him hard to express the meaning of the song, but he thinks that we would understand through our heart. Next song is 알면서도 the lights goes out.

    The blue spot light turned on him. Lighting up his blue hairs. His soft voice clearly let out. With only piano companion. Some fans chanting "Kim Junsu!" I unconsciously sing along with him. And then stop to listen to his voice. I swinging my lightstick left and right. He sing with his heart made a lot of us clapping in the end.

    When the lights turned on again, the chair was gone and Junsu was standing up. Singing 돌고 돌아도. The great melodies and his voice is heaven. And when the lalala part. All the lightstick were sway right and left. And fans are singing along that part. In the end Junsu do a 90 degrees bow and waving his hands at us.

    Be My Girl remix - Dancer Performance. There was a dancer that look alike Junho. They dance so cool and the girl dancer is good too, but I really can't tell I had my eyes on them all the time. I just keep my lightstick in rhythm with the beat. And when the dancer do the dance that once Junsu asked us to do in the last JYJ world tour, I did it the best I could remember it while still sitting on my chair.

    The dark tunes with a lot of dark clothed dancer in front. Junsu in the back with a girl dancer so close, but this time I was too absorb to the song. He sing the musical song! Junsu in that black leather jacket with glittery things on his shoulder. Dancing like he was performing in the musical. And there he is holding the dancer and let go of her letting her fall down on his feet. His last part when dragging the high notes was epic and even the evil laugh is. I was singing along with him "마지막 춤" I was thinking that when he was singing, there are not much of screaming, I felt like there were not much people that really know this songs.

    나는 나는 음악 melodies is up. So bright and clear tunes and the Screen in the back picturing a red-ish castle like place. He sang it so joyful.

    The screen was showing the palace in cold and dark scheme. Junsu was standing in the left side of the stage singing 왜 나를 사랑하지 않나요. There was no much light like the meaning of the song, demanding the love for more. And the exploding sound of his singing were so epic, showing his true vocal ability.

    Then the screen were showing his progress from last year. It's about JYJ world tour concert. It's been a punch to my heart. The one they cancelled. I was so bitter when the country name they held concert in were on the screen. The background song was I Can Soar made this a little bit more bearable. This one is his solo concert so I meant to made this only focus on Junsu alone.

    The opening tunes of Tarantallegra! Fans are screaming like crazy. The dance was so great! I like the outfit Junsu was wearing. That red and black dress from the MV which I loved so much. Fanchants were so great too. Junsu was walking like model like in the MV so coolly. Every sound he made that's doesn't exist in the actual song was so catchy for me. He don't do much singing in here, but he focus so much to the dance. At the end of the song, there was a red velvet sofa at the front stage. Junsu was walking to it and then sitting on it. Because of the sofa was so big, it's cast shadow on Junsu, so he was in the dark. He sat there for a long time. I could hear his breathing hard. At some point I realized that the sofa is slowly, so slowly lowered. Junsu stand up of it and stand in the back of the sofa. While the sofa was clumsily get out of sight while the light out.

    The green laser come back. Junsu standing in the center stage holding his hands up, snapping his finger. Starting the Fever. When the beat was come, I was automaticly swinging my lightstick. There was a part of the 3 girl dancer dancing close to him, but it was a little. And I got distracted by his screaming like voice when high notes. And his dance part was awesome. He walked to the back stage and let the dancer do the dance part which was great too. The last chorus part, he walks back to the center. His expression, I saw that he was getting tired of course because of the dancing.

    He said "Aku cinta kalian" at the end before he went to the side and gone. The screen are turned on again like the start with the XIA logo. And the light was turn on a bit. A lot of fans screaming his name, thinking that it's already ended. But I don't think it was, Junsu would say goodbye before it's ended. Quite a long time with the logo on the screen. A lot of people are getting out, or went to the bathroom. I was like, huh, I won't ever went out if Junsu hadn't told me to.

    Light on again on the stage, Junsu came back with a dark green coat like in military style. Mission was sang by Junsu alone is so weird. The dancer was wearing the white XIA concert T-shirt. I felt the missing Jaejoong and Yoochun part. Even tough I already want to focus only on Junsu, this song quite tickled me, reminding me of JYJ. The "JYJ dances now" part was changed to "XIA was dance now" I couldn't heard it right. It was like that I guess. Junsu was saying "Terima kasih" at the end.

    There was the talk part again. Junsu was saying 착하만 when a staff was standing behind him, helping him with his mic thing and took the green coat. Leaving him only the black sleeveless t-shirt with the XIA logo on silver glitter with the tight gold pants. That was the first time I realize that he talk unconsciously in Korean to us not bothering if we were understand him or not. I tried not to focus on his pants. OMG..! At first he asked us "Kalian senang?" and we answered him "yes" in Korean. He looked happy. The talks was about his gratefulness for the warm welcome he had in here. And how happy he is. I think he was talking that he's happy hold a concert here. He said that he feels like he's singing in Korea. I think what he meant was he felt that Indonesian Cassie are the same with Korean Cassie. He walks to the front center stage and said that there were a lot of pretty girls in here. And he promise that he'll come back again later. He said his thank you again and told us that there is gonna be 2 more sing left. I felt sad it's gonna end soon. I want him to sing for more hours. But I know he's tired. The crowd was screaming here. Junsu said something about the parents are waiting. I guess he was worried for our parents that waiting for us. How sweet he is. Sitting down in the high chair, he said next song is 사랑이 싫다구요 so I turned off my 샤 lightstick as the project from CI. I turned on my iPhone and made the brightness set highest.

    Piano instrument of 사랑이 싫다구요 came in. Junsu started singing in so low tunes. I guess he got a bit teary again. I don't see it clearly. The little smile when he sing with his soft voice. With every expression on his voice is so precious. His veins in his necks clearly seen. I almost cried when the song near the end. I feel that I don't want it to end. But I had to made my eyes clear to see him clearly. And the light goes out again. The white lightstick project wasn't that successful. I seen only a couple white lightstick on the standing area. I might saw Junsu line of sight on my phone. Or maybe it's only an imagination of mine? :haha:

    Last song! This is gonna be the last time I could heard Junsu voice in person. I turn on my 샤 lightstick again. He stand in the center stage, looking so sad singing 이슬을 머금은 나무 with his heart. He walks to the right side stage looking at the right side seating so much. When first ha ha haa part, he sang it alone while some of us sing with him and then held his mic toward us, which made us automaticly sing it aloud for him. Junsu was a bit teary because of it, he wipe his tears on his face a few times. But he sing the next part finely. The paper burst out a bit. This one had quite sad melodies and I cried in "saranghae" part. I don't even care of people next to me see me cry. That night was for Junsu only. Some fans threw gift to the stage. One of it was a little cute dolphin that drop close to Junsu. He smiling and picked it up, holding it close to his heart while he keep singing. After that he throws that dolphin to the crowd again. I want that cute dolphin!!! >.< And the last "saranghae" part Junsu held his mic again to us. We start singing it for him with the paper burst out showering us. His smiling face is so happy seeing us sing like that for him. The last time I would hear his singing voice, he ended the song "한 업시... 옙븐 늘..." while I pointing my lightstick to him and saw his smiling face. There were a lot of standing ovation for him. Junsu bowing 90 degree again and waves goodbye to us before he went out the stage.

    Fans were starting to shout "Encore! Encore!" The light on our seating area were on. I felt so heartbroken. My teary eyes still wet and my breathing is sound awful. Then a few seconds later, Fallen Leaves melodies were on, Junsu come back to the stage. I wish this time would repeated itself more and more, that Junsu would come showing up in the stage for more and more. He sang in the right area of the stage. He sang so clearly this song. And I had stop cried and see him clearly for the last time. A person stand in front of me taking a picture, almost blocking my sight of the stage, after she shoot a picture, I poke her, gestured her to move a side. Without even once leaving my point of sight of Junsu. I could think clearly this time, and taking my iPhone out, took his picture. Just one picture. At the end he waves at us and bow 90 degree again. And some wave again. While the screen showing the XIA logo again, Junsu said "Kamsa hamida. Thank you" and some waving again then went out the stage.

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    I wait while people are rushing out the door. I talked a bit with the 2 new friend next to me. Took a picture together and exchange names. Which I couldn't find on FB. It's ended about 11.30 pm and I got home about almost 12 am.

    Reminder: For any future concert, please consider kidnapping a male for companion, because Junsu always shows interest towards fanboy.
    and
    maybe there gonna be camera on too

    So.. This is a long story/fan-account...
    Credits to s3adolphin fan-account


    -♪ ♫ There is no good music without Junsu's voice in it ♫ ♪-
     
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2012
  17. murasaki M V U

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    an EASY MIND at ease
    Am I crazy? Or my serotonin level is high?​

    This is from July 16
    You might want to check your calendar...
    I'm watching season finale of New Girl. Where they all are deserted on the desert. At night when Jess and Nick talking, there is a wolf showing up. And they had an idea of imitating coyotes to scare the wolf away. And Jess start "meep meep" like the coyote in the loony toons cartoons? Even so Nick has remind her that isn't the real coyote's sound, Jess keep doing it. And after, at last she catch the essence of the idea, Nick is waiting for the real sound of coyote like...

    She did... "meep meep"

    I laugh short but repeatedly become unstoppable because of it.

    But at the end she finally accidentally doing the coyote's sound and shooed the wolf away. And all I laugh about was the "meep meep" sound. She done it really good.

    Just remember another things..
    Actually I've been hearing those "meep meep" sound quite often this year.
    I mean every time I watched Running Man, the FD that often appear in the show always have background sound "meep meep"
     
    Last edited: Aug 31, 2012
  18. murasaki M V U

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    EVEN TOUGH I KNOW it's all over
    even from the start​

    알면서도 it's all over even from the start
    Even tough I know even better that way
    My heart is still the same as the beginning
    How can I erase you?
    So I will just hurt a bit more as I cherish you

    But...
    Can I ask you once more?
    Can you live without me, without regrets?

    As I stay up countless nights like this night
    All of those memories that we made together
    Even tough it hurts, I'll still cherish them
    Because I might long for them and look back later

    This state of silent cold war that I'd like to win it over
    Made the words, I love you, are replayed all over and over again in mute
    There are no other words I can say to you, but I can not
    Even if you coldly cast me away
    I will always be here
    Even if you hate me
    I will always be here

    This song "알면서도" is really like what Junsu had said, it is a sad song. Even tough we speak the different language, but he know for sure that we could feel what he meant when he sings it.

    You'll know what I meant if you put a step in front of another in my head, or you won't...

    This tangled mind of mine, I felt that I have to let it out, but even this song couldn't ease my mind a bit.
    What to do to end this long silent cold war? That I eager to win so much?


    ---

    Tambahan:
    Baru tau klo d tiap thread sekarang ada member who have read this this thread
    tapi setelah d perhatiin lagi..
    Kyny yg bisa liad cma thread starter my doank...
    And ada periode ny, soalny org2 yg dulu perna baca thread ini nama ny ngga muncul...
     
    Last edited: Sep 22, 2012
  19. murasaki M V U

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    like a soap BUBBLE
    it's fly away high, than pops into nothing​

    It's gonna be a compilation of things I've been through...
    Maybe not all of it from my head. Which because of my forgetfulness lately... :sigh:

    I wish the tech would go advance like million times.. :facepalm:
    Cause of my forgetfulness, I wish there are apps for taking notes straight from my brain, without having to type it or write it down.
    I've been realizing it lately, like when I had an idea in my brain while I was on the back of a bike, or when I'm in a car. When my imagination could go wonder around anywhere. Which I couldn't take any note..

    Lately, I feel like my imagination just running slow or not at all. I guess too much of other thing like work..

    Ahh.. that scent again..

    . . .

    Maybe because of that kind of stress, I haven't had any dream about Junsu again lately, it's been about a year and a half since the last time I dreamt about him.

    Or is it because of the dream came true already? :hehe::peace::top:
    But I want some more :minta:

    Too much expenses this year... :sigh:
    Maybe the first half is just fine because of the euphoria of Junsu. But these days or months, just really heavy, because of things I want. Maybe after I got it, I'll post the pic, not here, just on my FB, like usual in My StuFF folder. And a lot more stuff I would like to have, which I have to stop my list for a while, like a simple eye liner to a new dress for my wardrobe. Because of these things I've bought and a ticket to JJ fanmeeting, I just bought the cheapest price. More than a half million. :sigh:

    I want Junsu to come here again to have a fanmeeting. Want to see Junsu again. tapi ngga punya duid:sedih1

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    Some days ago, my friend tell me about someone that coming inside her phone, they start converse :hipno:bla bla bla:gakdenger: which I wouldn't write about what they talked about here.
    What that's all about is that she's talking about some boy to me. I feel a little bit weird cause we don't really talk about boys really. And when I talked to her, I thought, it's kinda weird, what if she thinks anything weird about me asking about that boy.

    So if I asked you this, are we best friend?

    I could imagine that if someone would ask her, how many times I had in a relationship. She wouldn't know for sure.

    Actually, I'm the weird one? Am I? What do you think?

    I would tell every thing to her or to any of my best friend, IF she asked me questions. I have to be asked first to tell. Straight to it.

    Which bring me to...
    someone that had been sending messages to me months ago...november_chopin
    I stated to him, I would answer any question he ask. But I told him that is my right to choose whether I would stated my answer or not at all. It's a human right to talk, right? And it's human right too to choose not to talk.

    As I scroll trough the old parchment, I reminded how quite harsh I am. So I am sorry..
    As I wanted to reconnect, does it gonna bring some more complication?
    what is a word without your actions?
    Just could laugh at it, myself.. :sigh:


    Still which bring me to...
    If my friend would ask me, where am I right now in my relationship, I would choke on my own words, couldn't brings out any voice or screeching noise.

    I guess it's all for today...

    Fly away... Fly away Love...
    인사 by 동방신기
     
    Last edited: Oct 4, 2012
  20. murasaki M V U

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    uncommitted AM I?
    he sing it like an icy cold ice-stick in an soft sultry voice​

    This song is quite beautiful. The melody, the voice, and even better, in the MV, Junsu's hair was blue. Just like the one when he came here. And I could see the other part of Junsu. When he be a player like that. And how playful he was, and I was wondering what if he is my boyfriend, would he do that with me?

    He was told to sing as if he was showing his love to the girl. And wish or dream I would be that girl. When be smile so happily, I like it when it shows in the MV. And in the end, he's too close with that girl, quite made me jealous back then. But, of course, I want it too.

    Pardon me, for this opening. Because, I am Junsu's fans...:cinta:
    Couldn't be more passionate about him.

    [​IMG][​IMG]
    That was a sign language for ok
    Why so suddenly? It's not like that...
    Recently, I have been watching Swithced At Birth. This TV series is about two families that had daughters in the same hospital, and ended the babies switched. When they're teenage, both families meet and found out about that. The girls are Bay and Daphne. Daphne was deaf from a sickness when she's still a little kid. So she went to a special school, which bring more sign language in this series. I like to give special attention when they signed. I'd like to learn it. Maybe not because I want to be a little bit angelic, helping some special people, to help them converse. Because there are none in near me. Actually because, no one else would understand what I'm signing about.
    Actually, it was not the first time I learn it. Back then when I was in junior high, my english side-teacher had tought us the alphabet in sign language. But I only could do sign per alphabet.

    That was another intermezzo..

    It was all a dream
    Reality was far from the safe picture she painted for me
    She told me I was the one and believed
    Until the dream dissipated so suddenly

    She said, you're not ready for the real thing
    She told me that I'd be unfaithful
    She said you can't be committed
    She said, you're not the right type
    Only good for one night
    You'll never stay committed to me

    I would never let her be my everything
    She said I'm a player and I'd never change
    She said she could never trust a player like me
    She's telling me, breaking hearts is a part of me


    Life is a crumbling walls, when the reality was hitting it too hard.
    The dream was vaporated, drop by drop.
    Maybe I'm not ready for the real thing? Maybe I won't never be ready...
    He told me that I'd be unfaithful. Maybe I always be...
    He said, I can't be committed. Can I?
    He said, I'm not the right type. Only good for one night. Maybe...
    I'll never stay committed... Just let's see how it's end.

    I let him be my everything. Or did I?
    He said, I'm a player and I'd never change. Maybe I am, but could I really never? How could you be so sure?
    He said, breaking hearts is a part of me. Maybe, whose not?

    What Junsu sing is a stabbing blade with a soft sultry voice.
    That is my impression of that song in one sentence. It feels like he was asking me those questions, which I sing a bit to answer...
    I was predicting that I would write a book in here, really. But I guess, what I want to write is already in here. So no need to expand it some more.

    I'll add one more to end it...
    I think I had those "reason" to answer someone else's question. And that someone who is male, just couldn't make some logic over my reasoning. He quite pushed me to tell him the "reason". But when I think it further, there is no reason. So I told him, man only think with his logic. But do you understand that woman not only think with her logic but also with her heart. And mostly with her heart. Fortunately, he understand it well.

    As right now, I re-thinking it again. With my logic.
    I think that what I did, or most woman did was a quick snap of instinct. Or should I put it more sophisticated, an action which based on reflexes. Memories that already stick on the brain, so we don't have to think again to do it. Example is the most basic thing we do on reflexes is breathing. You don't have to think to take some air to fill your lungs.

    Actually there are some more words to put in here, after statement above. But, I choose not to put here... Which I will if any circumstance happen.
     
    Last edited: Oct 6, 2012
  21. murasaki M V U

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    STILL haven't decided the title for this
    sorry for your inconvenience ever​

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    :piso::piso::piso::piso::piso::piso:

    Uhh.. So tired, I didn't have enough sleep last night..
    And some more work to do after this.. Right now, I'm still at Bucks TA..
     
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2012
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