Friggin' Weird Diary by Some Random Sicko

New Entry #156

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New Entry #157

I guess it's finally time to move out the hidden posts for a while, no? So yeah, I was recently wondering about what I wanna do for my final project. A lot of it stems from the belief that it's quite hard for my concepts to get accepted for my to-be supervisor. The idea wasn't really all that common, and the execution so forth ain't those looking like it's a fruit of hard labor. Today was supposed to be the day I went in to see him, and offer my ideas. Didn't know how to make an appropriate proposal so I'll just use the thing I randomly wrote nearly a month ago.

It'd be a game, but not exactly a game. It relies heavily on the narrative. Not sure if the narrative would be as interesting for others, and as for myself, I wasn't really all that diligent on writing the story. Couldn't really think of making it rather interactive and fun to others too. A bit uncertain whether I could make it in a way which would incite less of drudgery. Oh well, guess I'd just finish patching up the proposal and submit it to him. I knew that, no matter how the results turned out, I'll work on it, with or without his approval.

In the end, it's my own project, and I truly want this final project to be something special to me, the things I really wanna do from the bottom of my heart. Alright, time to start working after the entire semester of slacking off. Hope this would turn out well.

 

New Entry #158

As time went by, I grew older and even though I didn't really mature as much as I expected, I've learned one or two things in which helped me shaped my life. That is, in order to have the most fulfilling life possible. The important thing I realized is, about my own preferences. I don't really like being bound by rules when I want to have fun. I just want to turn off my brain and just do whatever I want, without having to be punished for not following a certain set of meta-game in order to 'do well' in those things. When I kinda jumped into some place in which employed that meta-game, I had known, without having to waste so much hours, that it just wasn't meant for me.

That which, had left me in the realm of artistic approach. I myself had ventured quite far into this realm, meeting quite a number of problems. As pleasant as it was, I had some major issues while I was still active in that realm. One of things, that I have trouble with how much of subjectivity it has, and how I couldn't seem to stand people keep on forcing their beliefs upon me, on how I should make art. The bottom line, it goes: stop liking what I don't like, and stop hating what I like. Outside of my usual realm of having fun the way I want to, out there, the similar meta-games still apply. As if, if you want to make some 'good art' you must follow this and this and this or you'd be criticized all over by everyone for not following their so-called rules.

I kinda got sick of them, so I decided to go away from art, and these artistic endeavors in general. In the end, it was rather, a dilemma whether to pursue what I like, since it didn't seem to yield as much as a living. Even if I tried finding a job, I highly doubt, I would be able to sustain my own sanity before I finally broke down and call it quits. So it was rather a time-bomb before I went into a state of insanity, where I would just, oh well screw everything. I just want to have fun all the time, all the way--screw reality. Though, that wasn't without a good reason at all. I found that, a lot more good things seem to go to me when I'm happy, so if I couldn't really do anything at all, at the very least--I just want to be happy.

If it's the only thing I can do, I just want to do my best at it. I may not be as good as others when it comes to all the other things, in order to make a living for myself. I'm kinda lazy, unable to put on effort at all, very slow to learn things, but if in any case, nothing of those are important, I'm starting to think--is just trying to be happy with the simple things, is the most important thing in my life? I may not be able to get anything else, but if I could at least be happy, my life would be fulfilled.

Is a simple happiness enough?

I'm not sure, but I want to cling to that faint glimmer of hope once again.

 

New Entry #159

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New Entry #161

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New Entry #162

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New Entry #165

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New Entry #166

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