OriFic Departed

reserved for something something.

 

Prologue

Departure​

This is a story about going home.

Spoiler: Prologue

The words just won't come out. I can't bring myself to say anything, knowing that there's probably no one hearing it. Maybe I could talk to myself, but what's the point? Or i may pretend like there's some imaginary friend, lurking somewhere around, always ready to listen.

I somehow realize, that I don't have all that much breath to say more than few words, so I'll make it as brief as possible. This will be, at the very least, my own departure. After that, no more regrets will be left out. You can say, I'm tired of all these. I'm tired of everything. I just want it to end, right now.

It will end, but not instantly. I will do everything I can, to somehow speed that up. Alas, it seems like, I didn't even need to try. How should I put it? The journey was quite long, I thought it won't end. Sometimes I wished it would never end, so i won't get to confront the final hours before my homecoming.

The sensation of journey, of someone who never went outside his empty shell. Things that couldn't be put into words alone. A magical train, across varying worlds and landscapes I've never been to before.

This was written, a while after my first departure. About few days or weeks later, might be. Sometimes I thought only a few months have gone by since I started this journey, but who knows? I have pretty much lost the track of time since I've been there, like it never existed anymore.

I kept a track of records in my notepad. Written when I felt like there's something worth writing of. I still remember the figments of the past, the time I started out. The bustling noises of train station, and the magical train I got into. There were only few people aboard. At certain stops, however, I often find myself to be the only one aboard and it made me very nervous.

It's not like I'm not used to be alone, in fact, I'm pretty much a loner. Though, the people I met along the way, I find some of them to be quite memorable, that I wished they could accompany my further in my journey. Still, their stop was there, and they will take another train. As for me, it was a one-way-track--I'm mostly riding the same train.

The train pretty much had about three compartments that I visited: one with passenger seats left and right, just like your usual cab. In the middle, there's some residential compartment, rooms with beds and other things else. It had all of stuff I had in my apartment block. It's another story on how I'm able to fit and move it all there. The third one, across the residential block, is the recreational and dining ones.

There are chefs here, I sometimes had a conversation with them, but not that much. There's also some people doing regular cleaning, even on the room I was in. Possibly, the crews outnumber the passengers, but they seem to be changing every so often I couldn't really remember them. I never personally met the train engineer myself, he seems to be quite a figure of mystery. The door is off-limits, they say.

Aside from that, there are various stops, where I could just breathe the fresh air and finally settle down somewhere for a time. I could settle as long as I want since the train is waiting patiently. Sometimes a few hours, or sometimes few days. At first I'm worried about spending too much money, but I kind of found a way to make some cash around my journey. I'll discuss that later on.

Now, the important part is, I finally got a message from my father. He's finally back home after a long time. He asks me how I'm doing, and if I'm not all that busy, he told me to go home. The journey will be long, but he said, it will be a precious journey, so just spend as much time as you want.

Father and I exchanged messages often, along with me and my various family members. The lone journey, especially if I'm the only passenger in the train, makes it precious, and helps me to somehow stay sane.

I could say, I was waiting for this moment, when the message come and things arranged as accordingly. I settled down everything I've yet to finish--finally went away harboring no regrets.

This marks the start of my own departure. I will go on about further details later.

 

Before this departure.

Spoiler: Prologue 2

Author's Note: Most parts of this document have been edited. Major portions of it consisting of rants that seemingly goes to nowhere. I'm sure all of you won't read it, as I definitely won't read something like that if I were to re-read this thing. I will just include the brief details about what I'm feeling, and more about what's going on.

I want to begin this story by something cheesy and cliched like: it was a dark and stormy night, an unexpected turn of events, everything was normal until one day came—it wasn't that mind-blowing of circumstance. I just received a text message from a number that seemingly has not contacted me for about five years. It was my father's old cell phone address.

The message goes like this:

"I'm finally home. Are you feeling alright? How are things going out there? You can message me back or call me. If you're not busy, I'm awaiting you back. There's a lot been going on out there since five years passed. I have worked out my debt, improved my health. I quit smoking, drinking and staying up all night."

"Your father's rehab been going pretty well, since my last hospital stay has left me quite in a matter of life and death. It's not easy, being separated by the family, but I know, I have to be separated because you people are too kind and let me do anything I want. I need to be with someone who shows no mercy and able to reprimand me harshly, even more than my stubbornness, so I can finally get back to the right path."

"That's right, I want to live, I want to live longer to watch you boys grow to be someone. There's so much I want to talk about, about you and your brother. I'm sorry that I couldn't send you a message. I know that everyone else thought I was dead, and thus been unable to contact me."

"I later know, that at the day that was supposed to be my funeral, I was actually transported through a train, accompanied by a doctor and his assistants, through various train rides. It was a journey that opened my eyes so wide, making me realize what I did wrong in the past. It had sculpted me into a much better person."

"Now I'm back home, it wasn't the home as what exactly you imagine it would be. Rather, a new place for me to live. The same train I took, that rejuvenates me, you may took. It might be a long detour, but I wanna show you, everything I've been going through, until I became alive again. This is a journey which brought me back from the deepest despair, within the realms of the dead."

"The train ticket will be here shortly, it has no set date of arrival. You may go towards the nearest train station and show that ticket. The train will arrive soon enough. You can also contact the moving company. I added their contact info along with the message, to help you move all your stuff towards the train compartment, where you can just rest easy on your travels."

The message goes on and on; it was a pretty long message. The aftermath left me really interested on undertaking this journey.

I still had quite some ways to deal with before I finally able to make my departure.

Xxx​

My name wasn't important. What I do was even less important. Who I was didn't matter. To keep things short, my life was pretty much in shambles. I didn't really care at what time I went up and what time I slept. I pretty much cut off most real-life communications—only speaking when necessary. Don't ask for what reason—let's just say it just happened--or destined to happen.

It's something quite depressing, and also boring. Cutting off the chase—I was empty, I stared at my ceiling, within my dark, confined, dirty, ransacked room, showing a grotesque display of neglect. One day, came forth that message, just when I thought life has no more meaning, like I was going to die any moment soon. That message saved me, or rather, gave me the moment I need.

...to run away from reality.

The thing I did, was unlike any other person. Since I didn't really have someone I'm close enough with, I bade no goodbyes or farewells. I simply contacted the moving company. It was about 8 PM. The next morning, I woke up from a noisy sound of a truck. I rode that truck into the train station. The moving process wasn't all that long since I didn't even have that much stuff to begin with.

Maybe a bit much if I'm doing this alone, but since we're talking about those who could move the entire house worth of furniture and stuff, it's most likely a small time for them. We parted ways on the entrance, since they were going to unload my stuff on the train at some other place. I was going to wait in silence for the train to come, until a certain person sat beside me struck a conversation.

It was an aged man wearing a casual cap. Looks like someone who wants to play golf. He asked me where I'm going, with all the bag containing my personal stuff. A big rucksack and some sports bag I carried around with both hands. Now, both of them sat there side by side down the floor, blending in between the frolicking passengers walking around, carrying their bags, pushing the trolley.

The station was quite bustling even during the dawn; the streets, however, was pretty quiet when I was on the way towards it. The morning air, somewhat fresh along the way, now gets quite polluted by the smokes coming everywhere, and also the various odors with sources I couldn't really comprehend.

The conversation goes like this:

"Good day, young man. Where would you be going, if I may ask?"

"I got a message from my parents, telling me to visit them on my breaks. I've got the time so I'll go visit."

"That's quite rare." he subtly laughs, "I heard most youngsters just want to avoid their parents, whenever they start earning money. Even more, when the homes been at distant countryside. Say, you have a job?"

"I quit. The city life was too much for m. I'd rather be in the peaceful surroundings of countryside and their fresh air."

"I see." he smiled at me, "When I was young, I struggled so much with that choice between staying in this place or going home. I want to be somebody, gaining all the riches and power, even if, in my deepest hearts, being a pleasant country boy is all I needed."

The man spoke again, "I've had chosen the path paved with thorns, onward to riches and power. I am doomed, and I felt grief, pain, anguish and sadness. More than anything else--I didn't regret it."

So I replied, "It's good to have lots of money." in which met by smiles alongside a tip of his hat.

"Well then, my boy, I must go, my train is waiting for me." another tip of his hat, and off he went by.

A luxurious looking train, destination : hell.

Xxx​

I don't know how should I react to that, it all seems like such a bad joke. Maybe the 'hell' they're talking about was actually a holiday resort or something. Judging by the train, a lot of rich people seems to be there. Must be a luxury resort, can't be anything else.

I felt quite drowsy whilst jotting down the extra details. Since when I wrote the first parts, many hours passed after I got on the train and I felt quite drowsy. I started writing this note the moment I went aboard it, quickly setting up my PC along with its peripherals after unpacking the contents from cardboard boxes. The bed was similar to the ones I had in my room, only much less creaky.

The second part, I kinda wrote it about the night, or around the morning, it includes the train details, and I felt much energized, so I could jot more effort down. I divided the parts into shorter chapters so you won't have to read so much in one go.

By the time I jumped to the bed, I felt the strong desire to sleep. Haven't been in this way since like forever. The fresh scent of air and the breezy conditioner, with rooms that were bit more spacious than my own. Sleek, clean floors that brushed gently against my feet. A lot of things seem to be stacked in the boxes, and I spent quite a bit of time unpacking them all. The train was quite empty at the time, and I didn't seem to find any other passengers around.

The crew wasn't there either, but the train seems to be running. When I first went by, there's the seating cab, and across that, there's the seemingly off-limits driver's cab, to the left, and to the right, the residental compartment, where I'm in. About several rooms were there, but not much more than four rooms. I got the key to my room from the truck driver, every other room was locked.

I put my bags inside the room, spending few minutes gazing at the scenery. The walls and the lightning was sufficiently bright, maybe even really nice, the color ambients and the decorations, albeit simple, fits the entire atmosphere I was looking forward to. After that, I locked my door again and strolled across the other compartment, it was like, a dining area. With various buffet tables lining by, and there's also a fridge and do-it-yourself kitchen there.

A good deal amount of food was there, maybe too much for me alone. There's nobody around, strangely enough, but there's definitely traces of someone, maybe a few people, working on this tidbits so neatly. There's also various other doors, leading to the actual kitchen and various compartments for the staff. I knew all of it from the signs, of course. I checked out the places I could go into for quite a while and returned back to my compartment to check things out.

The train actually came forth out of nowhere when I wasn't paying attention, but I managed to notice it, as it stands out a bit too much, on a lone railway, with nobody around the seating. I sat further across, waiting in the wrong place. I hurriedly carried my bags across the train, and although it actually isn't going anywhere soon, I kinda felt like, I was glad I'm able to get aboard as soon as I could.

To put it simply, the train didn't look all that special. The interiors didn't strike me as all that luxurious either, but I knew it was made from things of quality. Yeah I kinda checked them out.

Anyway, in the dining area, there's also a stair leading to somewhere, but there's no actual sign to it. As I felt like, I ought not to intrude in matters outside my business, I'd just left it alone.

Oh, I just had forgotten an important thing. Where's the ticket? I kinda remembered which train to go to as the truck driver told me, but as for the ticket itself, wait a second—did it even arrive at my house in time? You know, I guess I woudl desperately try to explain to whoever was in charge, that I'm actually an eligible passenger to this train. A while after forgetting the ticket, I contacted the moving company again, inquiring about the ticket.

They said, "What tickets? There's no need for such silly thing, just get aboard and enjoy yourselves, and that would be all."

So there you have it. I felt both a sense of relief and anxiety, ti was a weird feeling. So I decided to sleep in order to relieve my exhaustion. It seems a lot of time had passed, I slept like a log—never slept that good before. Though, my awakening was accompanied by a subtle knock in the door. I had locked it just in case—I've had always locked my door. A gentle voice greets me, a voice of what seems to be a young woman.

She mutters my name, and I kind of confirmed it. Not long after, she struck a question that seems to thunder my heart around.

"Are you ready for our departure?"

It's a short question that one normally would just answer nonchalantly. Even though I kinda felt surprised, I also answered it without much thought.

"I'm ready."

Thus, a faint sound of bustling train whistles could be heard, alongside the quaint rumbling of engines, unlike the train rides I used to go. The train rode quietly across its way. There's no window in the compartment so I won't really know exactly how it looks like, but I felt the sensation of movement, it's definitely moving onward, steadily.

At a single short statement I made, my journey starts.

It's the start of my own departure.

After that I kinda unlocked my door and had quite a lengthy talk with the guide, but let's safe that for later occassion. Let this be a short, one time read because I kind of prefer it that way.

 

The Guide

Spoiler: prologue 3

I talk to the wind; for as long I walked, only lone shadow crept beside me. My own projection, nothing else underneath. Another shadow joined in--no longer I felt solitude. In exchange, I have lost something; a shell of my previous, past self. Even if it was only a brief of moment, I felt something inside me change; a mark for me to step forward and become stronger.

A journey starts; not a single person out there knows the end. I felt the urge to finish it right away, as it becomes more of a burden. Nevertheless, I decided to wait. Inhaling lots of fresh air; keeping it inside me for a moment--as the gentle, soothing feel seeps deep inside, alleviating my void of anxiety.

I reminisce back then, how much have I grown, and how much things have changed. There has to be something new, even if it's just for a little bit. A faint glimmer of hope awaits me as another page of a new chapter unfolds.

...with the sound of clacking doors I spun the key around the hole—I witnessed a new kind of view.

Xxx​

To my surprise, the guide was wearing a sailor uniform. Her hair was tied back to a ponytail, a sleek-black hair with skin of clear white. A bit of slender physique but not too skinny. She's more on the athletic side, I think. One thing I notice, was, what made me afraid of looking her straight into the eye for the first time.

"Hello!" she smiled brightly, and i felt something in my heart imploding. It's not good for my health.

It makes me want to quickly close the door and hid myself inside the blanket before she gave me another heart attack, but she might shake the blanket and move me around saying 'big brother' again and again—what am I going to do?

"...." in that brief a moment of energizing myself from her smile, I only got the courage to turn my face away and just whispered a quiet 'ahem' before she replied in a puzzled look.

"...did you watch a lot of porn?"

The question didn't seem real at all. I kind of imagine myself being the main character in a school-life comedy story who liked dirty jokes, and gave her my answer:

"Yes."

"Me too. I watch gay porn though."

Well, I think you came here to read the story, not expecting something like this to happen.

"Does girl on girl stuff count?" I asked, since I knew a bit of these.

"...I like them!"

"I guess you're in for both worlds. That's nice hahaha..."

We sat beside each other on the passenger cab, I felt really embarrassed sitting with a young girl side-by-side, but as the talks went further and I realized our interests were kind of similar, I started to let it slide—hey, I could think of her as a friend rather than something something that made my something excited.

I think we could get along even for just that aspect. Anyway, there's something I noticed. Before I opened the door, the girl seems to talk in a different manner, when I asked her about it, her reply was a bit of, you know, but it makes sense:

"I thought you're an old man. I got the news that the participant was somehow around my father's age. That was kind of unexpected though!"

"The same can be said for me. I didn't really expect some cu..young girl to be my guide instead." I retracted my words midway, I got the feeling that this girl didn't really like to be called 'cute' even though she was indeed, adorable.

"Life can be such a mystery, huh." paying no mind to what I'm earlier, she just kind of being cozy, relaxing around the seat.

I kinda cut the chase "If I may ask, what about the supposed-to-be old man you're talking about? He really into young girls or something? Not that I'm objected to it, of course."

"About the old man? I can say, he was going on a long trip, maybe a very last trip, that's what I'm informed. He was once successful, rich and happy while raising her daughter alone. The mother died during childbirth. Without a loving wife to support him, the child was his only hope."

"...one day, her daughter got into an accident and things went downhill after that. She went into a long coma and during all these years, the old man was really desperate: looking for all kinds of treatment to cure her. Despite his efforts, he ended up being swindled by various hospitals, and at the last hospital he went on, her daughter was in a really terrible condition."

"...her face disfigured, she was really skinny. There's no longer a trace of beauty in her, practically just seem like a breathing corpse. Her father still loved her until the end, even though, her consciouness did not come back. She passed away after enduring so much torture."

"As the aftermath, he got into lots of debt while trying to save her daughter. No amount of donations and stuff could cover that up. He was on the verge of killing himself, but a passerby priest had witnessed him about to jump off a high building. With a thundering shout, he made the man stop, dead in his tracks. Later, he talked him out of it."

"The priest was quite influential, with connections all over. With his help, the man's debt was paid off, and many of these got pardoned. Still, regardless of all that, the man was filled with so much void. Sometimes he felt even worse than the day he decided to commit suicide. The priest gave him an offer, of taking this train ride so he could renew himself."

"I was chosen as the guide since I resembled the man's daughter the most. I myself thought, that it's to the man's well-being that he undertook this journey. It's a strange turn of events."

I silently sat through her story the entire time. I felt really bad for taking the man's place in this train ride.

"I guess, if the man actually showed up, I just go home. I felt really bad about this, I shouldn't be here after all..."

"Please stay."

A subtle but sharp tone.

"I'm really sorry, I didn't mean anything by that...I just--"

"Please, just go with me. I can't bear to do this alone."

.....I can't just do this on my own. This is pointless, I'm weak, I possibly couldn't do anything. Why am I even here? Why did everyone else abandon me?

The words rang out. Passages from the past that kept repeating itself beyond my consciousness.

"Alright, but please promise me one thing. If there's ever one shooting star we see, we would wish for the man's behalf."

"That goes without saying you silly. Though we didn't wish or give hopes because there's a shooting star, you know."

"Ack..."

Before I got to say anything, she simply went off. This were her last words:

"Thank you for having me, may we have the best travels together."

It may not seem like a lengthy conversation, but we kind of chatted through during the night. It wasn't something as important though--just some normal friendly chat.

There's something I kind of forgot to ask: her name. She didn't ask mine either. So I guess we're both still strangers to each other despite all that.

The similar routine continues on until we've reached our first stop around two days later.

End of Prologue​

 

First Stop:

A Tranquil Spring


​

Stop 1-1 : Rest Area (Part 1)

Spoiler: Stop 1-1

I really want to write about something exciting during this travel—I really do. Sorry if any of these words felt so bland you would yawn yourself over. I knew travels were supposed to be exciting, even more when it was the travel that had let yourself escape from the harsh bounds of reality. Even so, there's something in me that felt shackled, not yet completely free from the bounds of past. I truly hope, over time, I could forget all of them and just step forward without remorse.

I described the view I've seen alongside the road to be something quite ordinary at first, but later, it made me seen something unusual within the next day or so. As I first talked with the guide, I noticed the train speeding over across the city buildings—a familiar scenery of the city I lived in. A while passed, and along the railway tracks, the train glided further beside the inter-city roads, with forests rearing the roadside and enormous patches of farmland, nearing the trains. As if the rails split the urban and countryside area half-a-half.

The scenery continues on and on as we conversed, and I paid no attention to the changing scenes as I've seen it times before. When I went out with my parents to another city, the roads all looked like this as we passed the toll board, again asking outrageous prices each time. My father threw away the ticket, blowing a smoke across the window. I sat on front, with my seatbelts tucked, my brother and my mom sat quietly, while I sometimes peered out to the window to feel the breeze through my hair.

An ordinary summer vacation for an ordinary family. I wished to think that our family was always, and will always be, and should have been ordinary. Sometimes, looking at the scenery passing by in-between my chats with the guide, melancholic feelings rustled against my heart. A cold memory I wished I forget, but couldn't do so, because it's a very important part of me. Quite a long time had passed since we last got together as one. We went our separate paths, only to wither and slowly die.

That's when the guide brought up a talk about an old man whose daughter resembles her. I felt bad, suddenly sharing the train with him, who bore so much burden compared to what happened to me. That, if this going to be an one-in-one journey of healing, I should just get off here, but what next? I haven't thought about it at all, I just merely decided upon it on a whim, without thinking much about myself.

I did not put her feelings to consideration, she who whole-heartedly wants to guide me for a journey, regardless of me not being the exact person she assigned for. I knew that, from her enthusiastic way of speech. I felt nervous since it's a long trip, and I'm alone with a young girl beside me. Who knows, if my hormones would kick in and I'll try to do something funny.

Before this part, I kind of written, that nothing much happened before our first stop. I mostly omitted this part because I didn't feel good about writing it right now. There's something that did happen. I kinda felt too embarrassed for telling it right away, so let's just move on to another scenery.

When our talk was finished, everything went quiet. The nervousness kicks in again, as a feeling of intimacy floated atop the air. I couldn't just stop these raging feelings, even though we just met. Because she told me to go with her, and no one else ever told me that. She was alone, because I'm not there—so she said. I was alone, because no one seem to want me, but not anymore.

It seemed as something had driven me to insanity the moment I realized and looked at her up close, that I could do something I couldn't with the others. Her posture seemed to be totally defenseless, as she's inviting me in. With her head down, completely immersed in her own world. Maybe it's because we talked a bit about some things that made us stimulated way back, that I began to think, she might be imagining things like I was.

Though, by the time she raised her head and looked straight at me, I nervously turned my head back, or something inside me would burst, I mean my heart.

"I'm just thinking about something perverted, please don't mind me." that's what she said.

I knew she was blushing hard earlier, but to think she would say something like that right away, while trying to look at me straight in the eye. I guess, if there's one who would make the move, it's her.

"What perverted things?"

"You seem to be well-suited for a submissive uke character."

So it's about me, but I somehow had really bad feelings about that. I didn't even want to know what's inside her mind. The excitement that was built up earlier had turned into a tinge of disappointment. I sighed--I got my expectations up for nothing. Wait, why am I getting my hopes for? Oh well...

We sat a bit further away after that. Or rather, I kind of moved to the frontmost seat since I could stretch my legs further and enjoy the view. Before that, we kinda sat around the back, with me on the side further from the windows, which made the sceneries partly obscured by her visage. It's not that I didn't wanna talk with her anymore.

I just want to contemplate about something. Back then, I fought to death for an ideal. It made me distance myself from my parents and relatives, because of how unrealistic it was. I didn't think it was that unrealistic, a lot of people had done it. I realize, they had done it because they had something special within them, and I'd like to believe, I was also something special. Someone who could choose the path they want to walk in, unlike many others who forced to walk it, because they didn't have any other choice.

I believe in the path of freedom, and I have the power to live my life the way I want to. Life wasn't so kind as to give me the things I want. Rather than giving in to what's realistic, I had chose to wait for my own death. I didn't ever want to go back and experience those painful, humiliating moments, of unable to live based upon what I believe in.

If I'm going to live, please, make me live the way I want to. It's not even worth for me to live a fake, phony life. Sometimes I thought after this life ends, I'd be off to a place far away, where I could just be who I want to be. A complete freedom and a peaceful life that continues on without end.

Now, if only ending it wouldn't be so terrifyingly painful--I was afraid of many things. What if, the place wasn't what I wanted to be? Life never answered my hope in the time of living, so why would it ever give me when I died? I kept hesitating.

A certain time comes, when I felt like my end was near and I was afraid like no other--the message came by, a message of hope.

Before I knew it, I'm here, riding on a train--a journey that was so many times better than being stuck at my previous life. Though, before everything started, I want to ask myself: am I truly being given something I want, or I just got set up for another jeopardy like the past? Thinking about it, I couldn't help but shiver, as I barely noticed the passing scenery.

My mind wavered throughout the roadside; various road signs I passed by without noticing; the same old farmland area, with differences too subtle to remember. Was this the truth of life? A seemingly endless array of ordinary things, afraid to stand out of the norm?

Who knows.

 

Stop 1-2 : Rest Area (Part 2)

Spoiler: Stop 1-2

I was deep in thought, until something strange came closing in from the window to my right. It was a giant cactus with a face, wearing a cowboy hat, atop it stood a sign etched wild-west style; it reads : rest area. The cactus blew off smokes from its mouth: a white puff shaped like a cactus.

I also heard an old rock music being played faintly. If it was audible from inside the train, it must be played quite loudly from the nearby building, where it seem to originate from. Strangely enough, I didn't see any buildings nearby.

"Looks like we're finally here."

The guide finally spoke; she was quite silent the entire time I was mulling over things.

"Is this, the first stop?" so I awkwardly asked. It's been quite a while since I rode upon the train. I haven't got any chance to check up on my stuff, but if this was really the first stop, I could try to take a breather.

"Not officially." her response kinda gave me a puzzled look, what do you mean by that?

"Huh."

The train started to slow down its pace until it finally stopped around a train station building. The land around here was quite barren, and it looks like there's nothing around it. There's just only this lone building in the middle of nowhere. After we passed the cactus, the ringing rock music seem to fade away.

Ah, I see. The cactus was the one playing the music. I recognized this tune when we passed by the cactus: it was Jailhouse Rock by Elvis. I remember listening to it on my father's old record—he sure love listening to oldies even though it was also there before his birth. It would be my grandfather's generation of music, but I only met him few times when I was still very little. I never got to know him that much.

After a short braking sound from the train and the cease of whistle, it seem dead silent without the quiet rumbling of engines and the sound of movement between railways. The silence which made me almost want to pee. Oh, I noticed the bathroom in the back and also in my compartment, but I guess I didn't really want to go right away yet.

"We'd be stopping here temporarily, how about we go for lunch? I knew someplace nice within the building where we can eat delightful meals." she pulled my hand and tried walking to the exit, but I kinda refrain from following her, and instead I asked her this:

"What about the buffet out back? There's tons of food there, and it'll go to waste if we don't eat it soon."

That's my main worries. I didn't like seeing stale food, and seeing there's so many of them, I find it to be quite worrisome.

"Don't worry about it. After all, during this journey you can rest assured and free yourself from the bounds of reality."

Did she imply that we're not within reality? If not reality, what was this?

"I'm not sure what are you talking about."

"Don't worry, it's just another strange journey. When you're already used to it, things will become normal."

"Does that mean, the food won't get stale?"

"I guess it will just disappear. I checked today's menu and didn't find any of my favorite foods. Maybe tomorrow it will be different, much better."

"I see..."

So it's practically a magical train now, huh. Not sure if I understood what she meant, but unless I got to see things happening with my own eyes, I'd just assume she's talking nonsense.

Xxx​

We got off the train shortly after that, slowly descending the stairs and onto the station building. I noticed something eerie about this place, located in midst of nothingness. Even though it's quite sunny out there when I looked from the train window, the sky was now reddish crimson and it's quite dark. Hazy mists came pouring subtly, with the scent of raspberry wafting over the area.

I like raspberry.

Amongst the scent of raspberry jams, I also noticed a delicious aroma coming from a certain door in the building, the sign reads : ramen ramen. It must mean, you got double ramen cups for one order, that's why it's called: ramen ramen. If it's ramen ramen ramen, you got three cups. If you want a D-cup, go into a lingerie store.

"What cup size are you?" so she asked me, and I'm a guy.

"I like pudding cup."

"You like plastic things, huh. Do you love silicone?"

"Well, enough with the jokes. Is this the right place, with good ol' ramen scent?"

"Yeah, I love ramen. Let's get in!"

"Uh..."

Speaking about cup size, she might be a bit slender, but she's also quite stacked, a bit above average maybe. I wonder if she's actually conscious about it.

"About cup size uh..I wonder what cup size are you..." this time it's me who asked her.

"I like the large serving of vanilla ice cream waffle cone, and unlike you, I don't ate plastic, ehehe."

"Who said that I ate plastic? Oh well nevermind."

Leaving all these silly conversations aside, I entered the ramen shop. As I walked in, I noticed another old song playing from what seems to be an old tape-recorder. It's another one of Elvis songs, Summer Kisses Winter Tears. When I came by, it's started right at the very beginning with short guitar melody, almost too good of a coincidence.

Kinda fits the atmosphere as I walked in with the guide.

A wide table in front of the display, showcasing various soupy meals, and mostly few large bowls of noodle. I felt really hungry because of that. Her mouth frantically waters, and it's hard to believe that while in the outside she looks so quite refined and elegant, she's actually kind of a glutton. With due haste, she skipped into the reception counter only to see no one's tending at the moment.

She started to bang upon the counter few times until I've heard someone responding back, it was a very familiar voice.

It was the voice of my father. A voice that was very nostalgic, unlike any other.

 

Stop 1 - Interlude : Nostalgic

Spoiler: Interlude

"Do you care about yourself?"

"Not really..."

I only care about myself because there's people who cares for me. There's one person who believed in me, where many others had doubted me, and thus made me believe that I'm actually more than what I thought of. I want to make him happy. I want him to be proud of me, as his son.

I don't know what exactly I learned for him, that made me look up to my father so much. I can't really do things that he could. It's like there's almosst nothing of many of his talents that came down to me.

There's one thing he taught me, not exactly teaching me straight up, but from him, I learned to hope. It's from him, that I finally able to dream big, that I could somehow, reach something that I couldn't even imagine in the past.

Until he passed away at one point where I needed him the most. All of sudden, these dreams doesn't mean anything anymore. The only thing I wanted, and placed my hopes so high for, is for him to go back. Go back and encourage me, like he did, and always did in the past.

He never did come back, and with his loss, I was unable to care much on what I'm doing, and instead I went downhill, never recovering back to the state in which I'm able to mbe proud of myself. It's like, what happened few years before, was just a dream, and looking at my present state, I almost can't believe I actually did something. It's because of his support, that I'm able to go through it all.

The words of others mean nothing, it just doesn't affect me anymore. I want them to leave me alone, I didn't feel like living to my fullest. It just felt without meaning if he doesn't stay with me anymore. I want him to go back.

So I could talk about the times I had went by, so much things that I want to share, and most of all, apologize, even if mere apologies won't be enough compared to how much will I disappoint him and his hard work for me, if he's still there.

 

Stop 1-3 : Home

Spoiler: Stop 1-3

I promised it will be a short story, so I decided to cut through all the other parts and jump straight into my final stop. The stacks of writings were all jumbled up, and it mostly contained things not describing what happening at all. I'm unable to compile the rest, aside from the first parts, where I still felt like writing.

I went back to my hometown, to the home where I was raised. I remember the home where I was little. The house was small, and when I grew up, I moved in to a much bigger home, where I spent the most memorable nine years in my life, and that's the last place of memory where our family used to be together.

After my father passed away, I visited back one time to give back the key to the property dealer. I was the one holding onto the house key, in my father's last year, the house was being sold too. He was working hard on it, to make the house look better, doing the furnishing job and painting up the walls all by himself. Tending the garden, feeding the fishes, tuning up his motorbike.

The memories still painted fresh within my mind, and whenever I remembered it, I felt like, I've never been so quick to cry, and I never cried so much before. All of these departures, after all, didn't even made me a better person, it's only a diversion, to make me run away for something important. It seems like, father wants me to forget him, but I know, I could never forget it, and I don't want to forget it, ever.

At one time, I felt like, I've become a new person who could take on anything, but when the push comes to shove, I broke down and start crying like a baby. I felt so weak and vulnerable. This long journey came to no avail. The guide, who was with me in so many of my travels, even though we've kinda got separated few times in the beginning, also cried a lot.

During the journey, I talked a lot about my father. My childhood memories, both pleasant and unpleasant. Some embarrassing things I didn't wanna tell anyone. I shared with her a lot of stories. It seems, she also could see her own father when I talk about mine, and during that certain time, something seems to also trigger, when I cried and without realization, yell about my father a lot.

It was during a dream, that was so beautiful, and it's almost seem unreal, of how realistic it was. Until he left, and I couldn't do anything but scream, cry and wail in my dream, and it continues on.

That's the time where I decided to abandon our original journey and went for a detour. I felt like, I couldn't take it any longer, I want to go to my home, the only place I could call home. The place where I shared so many wonderful memories with my family. There's no train ride anymore—we left everything else and just packed our most important things.

We went to my hometown by a lengthy airplane ride, thankfully it wasn't that long since we slept most of time. Taking a cab to the certain district I used to go to when I was younger. Stopping in front of a mall our family always went to, going shopping for a bit, mostly the tools for cleaning up, and also some food supplies. I really want to spend som days in here, and to refurnish the house, back to what it used to be.

I remembered back then, how abandoned the house was, after my father passed away. The trees died, the pond drained and the motorbike sold. There was nothing much inside, only some goods and stuff that couldn't be moved out just yet.

..and also, one that lingers in my mind the most—my room. A small-sized rectangular room with a large desk where I usually play around with my computers. A comfy bed laid on the floor, covered by plastic mats below. The air conditioner that doesn't work that well, and gave me a hard time sleeping on some nights.

The sound of knocking door every morning, with the voice of my mother. Waking me before the sound goes down. My footsteps slowly going down the stairs, stepping down carefully since I'm not fully awake. The nice scent of delicious hot food filled with rice, the plates lined up in the table. Sometimes I took a bath before food, sometimes after food.

Brushing my teeth, readying my uniform, with my mom preparing lunch. It's mostly fresh bread with sliced cheese. Never really ate much in the cafeteria.

Going with the public transport in the early morning to avoid traffic. Walking all the way through the roads, into the stop. I placed my bag in front of my chest, just like what my father taught me to, he said it will made my posture more upright. Sometimes I went with my brother, sometimes I went alone. I still remember the scent of morning air, and there's also the time where my father took me and my brother to school on his motorbike.

The memories were so strong, and I couldn't even began to describe how much I missed that time.

Xxx​

At first, I thought it would be a good idea to re-liven the memory by taking a public transport back to my old school, going for a short visit before finally taking another ride into the stop, spending the rest of it walking all the way through. Though, after realizing how much weight both of us carried, I decided it might be better if we took another taxi ride back to my home.

The driver once inquired whether two of us are siblings. I don't know what to say, but the guide, she said yes right away and told him that I'm just very shy and not really talkative. She's kinda right, I don't like to talk much. All those travels thus far had made us close like siblings. I still wonder, why the thing that seems to begin as a romantic interest turned out to a relationship like that of a sibling.

I began to think of her as a little sister when I heard her talk about family and how is it feels very similar to mine. She also loved her father a lot, to her, the encouragement form her father is the only thing that could motivate her to live. She already knew it was an impossible journey to bring her father back, but she said, hearing me talk about my own father had made her own live again.

It's like both of our fathers are actually one person, by the way she described her own father. I noticed that their expertise are different, and also other specific details, but in general, I can relate to her experiences very well. It's like seeing another side of my father that lived.

So yeah, I finally reached my home.

 

Stop 1-4 : Goodnight

Spoiler: Stop 1-4

I took one last sleep at my old home.

I woke up, and found out, all those nightmares had all gone. I was back in my place, it was really tidy and the air feels nice.

I was back in a completely different world.

In my desk, there's a note with the guide's handwriting, it says: goodnight.

The End​

 

anyway, dengan chapter terakhir ini Departed resmi tamat. mungkin buat cerita pendek gw yang seri, ini termasuk yg paling pendek.

tapi dari sini gw mulai dapet inspirasi buat nulis2 cerita berikutnya lagi. gw mulai nemuin mode yang bisa bikin gw nyaman pas nulis. saatnya mulai langkah baru lagi.