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Cerpen This Feeling, May it Reach You with Any way possible

Discussion in 'Fiction' started by TaupiG, Dec 6, 2011.

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  1. TaupiG M V U

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    A small short story I made last night lol

    “What will happen if we didn’t meet that day?” The question always haunts me.
    It’s not that I regret meeting you. It’s just, if I never met you that day, this kind of feeling will always be unknown to me.

    Seriously, this atmosphere right now creates the mood of reminiscing through my spine. The transient luminosity from the sunlight that goes through the clear window of this white room makes everything seems so bright just as how it was in the past. But now, see what happens to it. The only thing here is this small fragment you left for me.

    It happened when I was 7. We met here by chance, are we not? That time, I was playing by myself on the park as usual. It’s not awkward for me. After all, there weren’t many kids my age that time. Whether they are older than me, which they will possibly bully me, or they are younger than me which will makes it looks like I was the one that bully them.
    I was sitting on the swing that time. Swinging forward and backward countless times until it seems the swing itself is part of my body. Suddenly, I heard a faint voice calling out for their mom. I don’t know why, it seems like a stupid reaction of my body; I suddenly get up and went to the source of the voice.

    It was a girl basking under the orange reflection of the setting sun, crying near a tree. That girl seems to be the same age as me, with crystal tears dwelling inside the corner of her eyes, she keeps rubbing them hoping those tears would clear up just like the sky after rain. Long hair sits on her head like a throne fitting a queen, swayed by the breeze of autumn wind. Fragile body be the vessel of her soul, it really fits the image of a princess.
    I walk silently to her side, trying not to scare her. It works, even though she still crying loud. I then asked her what happened.

    “Mama…” that’s all she said.

    I was thinking, maybe she lost her way home. If that’s the case, I could take her home since I kind of understand the surrounding of this area.

    I took her hand without thinking hard, and ask her where she lives as both of us walk around the area. It turns out that her house wasn’t that far from mine. I rang the bell, and a lady around 40 comes out and greets me. It was her mother. And it seems that I was right. She lost her way after playing around the area for a little while.

    “T-Thank you so much.” That girl smiles at me as she blushes.

    That was the beginning of them all. What would happen if I hadn’t met you that day? Will I still be the same? Will I feel happier? Or will I feel something else?

    Suddenly, a gust of wind blows strongly that it makes a sound which brings me back to my sense. This room now feels so cramped even though it is empty. Was it the memories I had with you here that makes me suffocated? Or was it just my sentimental feeling that couldn’t let you go even until this moment?

    I don’t understand it. I thought being just friend was more than enough for me. But it’s not. Somewhere deep inside, I wanted you to be mine. But you don’t feel the same way, do you? Why do I fall in love with you? You’re so clumsy that you could forget that you were sick on the bed; you’re so clumsy that you could slip on your own feet… You’re hopeless, and yet, I fall in love with that clumsy girl. Didn’t that make me an idiot? Hahaha…


    On the winter a few years ago, you asked me to go with you to the resort you rent with your family. You say that you need a bodyguard.

    There, every night you would talk about how the person you love didn’t seem to realize. And I always told you to confess your love as soon as possible, while in reality I was in love with you. I always wanted to make you mine. I always wanted to see you cry in my stead. Was it too much? After all, you will always see me as a good friend of yours that would come like a knight to save the day.

    Not only that, every time after you finished telling me about that insensitive guy, you would always cuddled up to me while holding me close in your arms under the blanket.

    “Thank you. You really are the best.”
    That kind of words was said every night before we go to sleep.


    Was our meeting just a coincidence? I couldn’t bring myself to imagine if I wasn’t the guy you met on the park that day. I can’t imagine that you become close to a guy other than me. It’s just too painful imagining those things. I don’t know why…

    Three years ago, you were going abroad for study. You left me a music box which until now, I would listen to as the time goes by. It was a precious thing for me; after all you’re the one that gave it to me.

    “Wait for me; I’ll be back for sure. And when that time comes, I have something to say to you. Wait for me… Please…”

    I still remember what you said that time. Those moments still carved fresh inside my mind. It seems that it happened just yesterday evening. I still remember the emotion on your face, the tears you hold back from overflowing, and the smile you forced to me… And the warmth from your hug, I still remember it very well…

    And this year, you really are back to me. As news, that is.
    That Sunday morning as I just wake up from my sleep, the phone rang loud. Across the phone line, your mom cried. It was painful just to hear her voice. I knew something bad happened. I thought, maybe you caught some kind of illness. But…
    It was something much much more painful for me…

    A few days passed. Your mom called me to your house and gives me the key to your room. She said there was something that I had to see by myself and that thing is inside the diary she left behind.

    It was a letter. Wrapped beautifully with a cream envelope, the letter was sealed tightly like you don’t want anyone to see what’s inside that envelope. I slowly open that letter as I felt slight pain inside my chest as I open it more and more.

    “Ummm… You know what… I was planning to say this before I go, but I can’t find the courage to tell you.
    Maybe, you think of me as an annoying girl, or a talkative girl. I don’t care about that… I just wanted to tell you something.
    Maybe this something will change everything that has happened around us all this time.
    Or maybe, this something will break apart what we’ve built all this time. And that’s the reason I’m too afraid of telling you about this.
    When I was 7 years old, I was lost in a park here, on this small neighborhood. And then, a boy come to me, grabbing my hand selfishly and brings me back to my mother.
    Years passed, season changed, and I grow closer to that guy. Close enough that I could sleep beside him without any problem he’s going to do something bad to me. It feels so safe to be by his side.
    On the winter a few years ago, I gave him a big hint. I thought I would convey my feelings toward him that time… But then again, maybe he thinks that I’m only his good friend from his childhood.
    But now, I can’t take it anymore. This feeling I stored up until this moments could burst out anytime. And I have to tell you even though it will ruin our friendship…
    Yes, I love you… Since a long time ago…”

    I can’t help but to cry as I saw the letter inside the envelope. Was it because I’m sad? Or was it because I’m just a scared cat that couldn’t even honest to my own heart?

    This music box of yours now carries on what you taught me. About how stupid I was back then.
    And then, after you’re gone, it’s the first time I realize that it is important to tell how you feel to someone you love. If they love you back, good for you. And if they don’t, you’ll have to learn how to move on…
     
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