murasaki LINE

dark SKY in this city
you could see the starry starry night​

a friend of mine​

said yesterday, in this city what you see is always
dark sky, tons of concrete, lots of car and less green

but when i thought what he was saying all i could remember is the best part to be in this city
for me,
it's when i go home from some mall with you guys
usually somewhere around 9
riding a cab, looking out to the dark sky
i see the dark sky indeed, i know

but in the darkest sky, i was amazed with some twinkling star
i love the dark sky
it couldn't reflect what inside my heart

wanna cry like the rain
how you could pouring down the tears so freely
has this rush in the heart

i don't want to said something bad about someone else in here
but i had enough
she never understood what is an appropriate manner on public
you can't just take somebody else hand and held it for no reason
you aren't his girlfriend

(a swearing here) tired of her!

i've been restricted to holding hands, hugging, kissing other man
those are some rules in a relationship
how didn't you understand?
and i do a confession now
i'm not holding, but just playing with him ok?
it's like when you put a finger in others hand and he/she tries to hold the fingers with his/hers
and i lose
he hold my finger
i can't say anymore

i know i broke some certain rules
i had this creature inside my stomach crawling
feeling guilty for something that so unsure

i felt the blood rush
and all i was thinking was how could this heart can be so noisy

want the rains wash away the feeling, save me from falling again

sometime i know what others wants
i could see in theirs eyes, in theirs move, in theirs body language
i see the desire to get closer
the urge to have the tense feeling
to grab someone else heart inside your hands, keep it tight

please save me from falling again

i'm familiar with the cold in my hands
it's always like that
you said, ice cold
and i understand the urge to hold it, keep it warm
but i can't, i'm sorry
and i don't know how to explain all of these

 

UNTITLE
untitle​

too much good happening isn't good
because it would make you not aware what happend next
you fall so hard when the bad things came

what happend to me was a simply a not aware situation like that
i was being too full of myself, can't remember that there was two side of every story

being too close with someone so dangerous,
which i should know for long enough to keep me aware what he could do
i've seen so much thing that he done
and when the time is come for me, i didn't realize it

and here i am
wounded, but i just can't blame him for what he do
it is the way he is

i know i shouldn't play with this thing
but there is someone i should protect this time
and you just come closer and closer to me
crossing the line
which i let you done it

you shouldn't play with my feeling
the revenge would be severe




why it is so hard to let go the feeling
i do keep grudge after all

 

crazy love FOR YOU
suki dayoooo...​

a few weeks ago...
stressed because of the task
and somewhat some quote always came up on my mind
like, "if I called Junsu's name, would he come?"
or, "if tomorrow i would die, what if Junsu missed me?"

thats it...
i guess you don't have to read any further
it'll just a fangirling writing
you'll get bored



lately Junsu has been shoot for a lot of magz
he looks cool in the tux
with formal style and cool looking
like a mature man

​

i do like that kind of style or should i say, i like every style that Junsu pose
but sometimes i missed his smile, his eu kyang kyang laugh

recently, with no reason
i don't know why, but i dream about Yoochun
instead of Junsu
and i thougt, does Junsu get bored with me?

LOL

watching Sunao right now, dorky JJ
wanted to see YC Jdrama, how could there is only 1 ep that has 9min duration?
ganbatte ne JYJ
good luck in LA, wish your upcoming album would make a greatest hit ever
fighting~!

 

ASKING MYSELF are u a good girl ?
wondering around my head​

like any other people would answer
when you feeling guilty, you'll say i'm not a good girl
when you feeling alright, done some kindness, you'll say i'm a good girl
when you're actually a good girl, you'll say i'm a bad girl
when you're a bad girl, you'll say ...
nothing comes up from your mouth

i had a bad day since she wakes up
had stop my downloaded file that has last for 5 hours
which can't be resume
made me have this bad mood all over my head
this was the start

doing something useless
that doesn't need to be done
and blame it to me

then always said everything that shouldn't have been said
too much information for other that i don't want to share
like what time you get up, or what time you take a shower, or any habit you've done

somewhat reminds me of what her boyfriend wrote on FB
God give us 2 eyes, 2 ears, 1 nose and 1 mouth
then he added, it's means that you should listen more and talk less
i might added...
see more, listen more, stop sniffing other people matters, hold your tongue~!!!



see...?!
writing like that, are you ever thinking before you made a sentence?
you can look down on me
"just because had a few vocab, you can say anything" that's she wrote on my status
everyone can learn in every different way on our own choices
who the hell are you could judge me? even a family, you're just can't say that
as a family, you corrected my mistake, not jump into conclusion that i'm wrong, i'm guilty

in my defence
it's my own FB wall, i have the right to write everything i like on that

 

all of this is only a CRAZY LIFE
stressing around my head​

almost 5 in the morning...
i wish i had more time
to do all of this task, to do all of fun things
to hug you properly
i'm sorry for not being there with you
i'm sorry for every bad mood that i've
i'm sorry to throws this matters on you
hope you have enough rest

i'm stressing about this stupid task
wish i could go back to happiest time in my life
where i could do anything i want
i could go where ever i want
i could get anything i want

can't find the words to show this empty feeling
need some sleep

and for the last...

Saengil Chukae HEECHUL oppa
saranghae heenim​

 

kanashimi no yukue THIS VERY SECOND
Sabishii... means feeling lonely​

everytime i see into Junsu's eyes
even tough i see it through the glass of my pc monitor
i feel that a loneliness inside his mind
than i could feel the loneliness start came into my own eyes

i feel like crying

this very second, i hear the sound of your voice
singing heavenly sound so full of sorrow

feel like crying

bokuni wa sabishii...

if i could just open myself to you a little bit more
could you understand me more?
could you accept me?
could you stay by my side?
even tough you aren't mine
even tough you couldn't be mine

i really don't know what were you thinking...
i don't know what inside your heart
i don't know what's bothering you to be like this

because of the foolish, selfish myself
i'm thinking about...
i'm imagining about what inside your mind
guessing what's bothering you like this

i wish i could solve the problem
i wish i could erase your misery
i wish . . .
you'd be happy

and because of the idiotic self here
i'm affraid to help you
i'm affraid to open myself to you
i'm affraid to be hurt once again by that ignorance of yours
i'm afrraid to be that close to you once again
i'm affraid to humiliated myself in front of you

now i see myself as a coward
i wish you could read my mind instead
of i tell you what's inside my mind

that would be as easy as breathing
and you would have a bigger problem to think about

i won't do that
please don't let me do that

shiawase...
sayonara...

 

SO I SAID love bye love
feeling so disappointed​

came back here after tiring weeks of task
and realize, before i intended to say goodbye today, i already said goodbye in my last post

so i say... GOODBYE

already disappointed by you
i dont know what you want to get after all of these craziness in your head
this mind would never see you again as a friend
i will see you always as someone that i'll be cautious as always
never trust you, and won't be that stupid anymore

i can't stand the two of you
doing some realtionship like that
really disgusting for me
you said yourself, you already had a girlfriend
and now you two, have these a lot of things so clearly leads everyone else to think that you two has a connection

too much clue pointed to your stupidipity
how you two had this shame
and i can't believe myself won't warn you how will this gonna be ended
as i predict it, badly
you'll hurt yourself, that girl and of course that girlfriend that trust you so much
be a man, stop being a boy already
you two already be a grown up
come on~!

Spoiler: clues

those stupid status of hers, always see the hidden meaning behind it
it's always about you
(forgive her, because she don't know what she was doing)
still on that status...
clearly i could see that the two of you were online
when the statement had been said, you two are denying it
how stupid is that looked in my eyes
(still forgive her, because she don't realize what it was)
you realize what i meant, but refuse to act more further
(forgive you for every sin you commit)
than the best prove had rose
a folder named 'things that we saw together'
even on that pictures there isn't your face,
i could found a piece of clothes you were wearing and a slightest part of your hand on the edge of a picture
the dirtiest plot i've ever seen in my real life
(forgive her to be blind by this lies
and forgive him for his numbness)
and for today, you choose her over us
clearly, i could see who's more important to you
that <cencored>!!!
(this time, i couldn't forgive you yet
you just do anything you want, anything pleased you
i won't mind, i wouldn't care
anymore)
and even if she really speak the truth about her feeling that 'right now' is as pure as best friend
i couldn't believed the whole story yet
because i know
girls do lies
(maybe i'll forgive you later...)

you was the center of my heart
not anymore

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------​

Love Bye Love (사랑 안녕 사랑)

The phone that rang when time kissed with sadness,
I wasn't able to do anything for you when I heard your voice after you had cried,
'Don't cry, I understand everything. I'm sorry' the words I added,
The longing suppressed the love when you asked to break up

I love Junsu opening voice in here
and i like the words
'when time kissed with sadness'
people usually use meet or join
but i like this one kissed
feels so warm and soft to describe the situation
the unable to do action because of some crying
slowly, smoothly move...
the only words to calm the girl 'i understand everything, don't cry, sorry'
because every girl would like to have man that really understand every little thing about her
this is about being safe and warm
the longing suppressed love, in a break up situation
2 diffrent colors but in a same feeling
complicated heart

so i guess if i translate the meaning is...
when the sad times comes, everyone would doubt, have a complicated heart, mind & soul
but to move on, everyone must feel safe, warm & protected
with smooth & slowly move, but sure you'll move on

 

EMPTY in heart
been so long since last time i got here​

Like i said, been so long
I had my graduation in November 13th
so, my name is Sally Yanita Rusli, ST.

i'm glad i past that weeks of tasks
i'm glad i've survived that tons of stress

so i'm here, feeling fine...

i might not tell you all about these months in one post
just some that i remember

recently I got my JYJ luxury edition album cost me about 650
really really happy when I touch that package
feeling like jumping all around my bedroom

but right now, i dont have anything to write yet
my heart feels empty
although that right now i'm listening to new songs of JYJ

i'll write later
but i'm glad, last time i visited here, there were only hundreds of visitors
this time, thousand...
i really don't know what you doing in here, but thanks ^^

last...
a poem i had made

​

26.10.10​

 

TOO LOVE for Junsu
purple in heart







Saengil Chukae Junsu oppa
saranghae junsu-ya, uri dolphin, uri duckbutt
saranghanda kudaeyo

​

 

my CRAZY life
or crazy love or crazy heart​

another poem,

or you could say just a scrappy notes:

I have a questions...
Do you believe in this: "People would tell you that love makes you blind. But I tell you that love is just only part of believing on other"

another:
#Fill in the blanks...
What is a ________ without _______ ?

PM me, on you know where...

 

why KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN?
when you can always keep the faith​

First of all~
HAPPY NEW YEAR~!!!

it should be a happy new year
but these problems couldn't ended yet
we should be happy because of JYJ could get chances to perform in Korean TV channel
we should be happy because of HoMin comeback as TVXQ

so why there are antis? fanwar? disappointed comment? sad comment?

why everybody keeps talking about their problem?
why JYJ walks out of SM?
why HoMin didn't come with JYJ?
fandoms are falling apart because of these causes
some are pro with JYJ, some with HoMin, some declare to support for both

I know that everybody else got theirs opinion too
but this is my opinion...

even tough you could see for yourself that I'm Junsu bias
but I declare to support for both JYJ and HoMin
because: JYJ + HoMin = TVXQ
cassies is life for TVXQ
so when you say you are cassiopeia, you should support TVXQ, all 5 of them

don't do comment saying you would prefer one side
that would trigger anger
please lessen your negative comment
stop fighting with each other

you should know whats the consequences of your words
let get these "trigger others anger" aside...
these words of yours would lead to unhappiness of our boys
like JJ's tweet "You keep your head up and keep an open mind"
"I'm just hoping to be ... I close my eyes, ears."
or like Junsu's tweet that I quoted

when the reporter asked Junsu, why did he tweet like that
and added by yoochun, who wondering the same thing

but Junsu didn't answer
he just left...

at one side I really wanna blame Junsu for his action
why he didn't provide us with some explaination?
he is a public figure
he should be able to comment his action
or explain his tweet
so fans don't have negative thinking about this matter

and at other side
i realize his feeling
i really understand what his feeling
about this matter, me, myself is aching inside
i'm just a fans, not really involved directly to this matter is sad about this
Junsu who involved in this problems should feel more sad than i am

that is why,
Cassiopeia should be there with them
all 5 of them
this is the time that they're all really need us
TVXQ really need us, cassiopeia

​

 

KEEP ON ride on
no logic here, just instinct or reflexes​

feeling like grabbing the AIR
empty hand, nothing to be caught
it is the way that I feel about you
YOU of all the people that I knew
turns out be the most UNPREDICTABLE

how could I even start the story?
if I don't have the courage to tell it?

THESE jokes...
comes right through me, stayed inside, racing this heart more than every second that its count
hhh...

bener2 ky orang yg ngga niat nulis, tp gw butuh ini unek2 d kluarin... gmn dnk?

so I guess, I FALL again
THESE feeling wont go away
i know in the end i would end up bruising
but why i couldn't resist

AND I will just BLAME the LOGIC here

this time, LOGIC isn't winning from INSTINCT
from REFLEXES...

now its hard to breathe

that joke
its supposed to be joke right?
tell me please...
I was too trusting into you

so I was wrong then?
we blinded by love, [not we, its just me] so there isn't worth to use logic
right just when we need LOGIC in the very moment
LOVE is fooling me around

these feelings
only my imagination then
you are a real actor, than i must be the stupid girl
as always...
you of all people that i knew!
i should have known better

so keep on ride on this carousel
with every ups and every downs along the way

every sentences would made me imagining like you're talking to me in honest way
but i forgot, for you it was only a joke, RIGHT?
every fragrant you're telling me were all just an opinion of its what it is
i shouldn't imagining that flattery tone you didn't used

[than I realize, i do that too
just my opinion of everything on its own means to me
so, what should I do to get over with this mess in my head?
ask you straight away?
i even don't wanna think about that kind of consequences]

every memories linger vaguely
i don't have the courage to recall it all over again

THAT SMILE
even that was a lie?
i don't understand you

i keep clenching my fist
don't want to end up hating you
because there is just a thin line between hatred and love

 

MY (kinda) ADDICTION
I guess that I'm your junkie, fair enough​

morning, people...
how is your sleep? dream anything?

So after last night scribbling in my prev post till 3am
I awake in 7 hours later after
I should sleep more than 8 hours to 10 in my free day
and my first tought is "are you awake?"
I'm awake, are YOU awake?

at the beginning of this week I listen to Spice Girls - Holler
and at the end?

feels like its 7th grade all over again
but its all nice to hear Ronan's voice in the morning when I wake up

this is an addiction?
couldn't sleep, couldn't think, couldn't eat
like Edward Cullen said, "my personal brand of heroin"
funny...
those word going all over my mind these days

 

white lies BLACK LIES
black & white turned to be gray​

those are some definition about white lie and black lie
reason i wrote this?
what else, i did those lies...
at first i thought that what i do is a black lies
of course because it was deadly and has no respect for other person
and of course it was meant to delude another which bring the chances to protect myself

i realize doing that kind of lies going to effect my own life
and could be anyone around me

but i delude myself
thinking that what i do is a white lie
because...
i do that with diplomatic for tact only
and i do that lies to avoid hurting someone's feeling

from this point of view,
what i thought of a white lie because of i avoiding to hurt someone's feeling
is only a black lies for someone else because it could hurt his feeling when he knows the truth

but in the end
a LIE is a LIE

and to celebrate
my birthday~

​

 

UNFORGETTABLE memories
remembering might be something sweet or could be bitter​

Hidden Content Hide H Membutuhkan 2000 post(s):

**Hidden Content: To see this hidden content your post count must be 2000 or greater.**

 

except us, NOBODY KNOWS
i wish that would be all​

"Don't be afraid
I've taken my beating
I've shed but I'm me"

some part of Linkin Park - Leave Out All The Rest
that part describe my condition right now

i thought that i had letting you go again
bruising myself, like the previous times
till two days ago...
you said you were singing alone
and i asked you to type it down

this is the first time i wrote down Indonesian lyrics in here
i rarely listen to Indonesian songs
to be approved by me it should have mean something for me
usually something that is evocative of my feelings

when you typed it for me
as i read that instant
i could imagine your voice
as if you were speaking to me
then i shed my tears

later again that night
in YM, you told me that girlfriend of yours are coming to town this saturday
than i realize that this feelings wont go away
once again i feel helpless
i couldn't...ask you not to
i don't have the right to...beg you not to
even i realized i'll never have you
but i can't make this feeling perish

that's why you're singing that song?
what i feel is what i feel
so...
the meaning when you sang that song is you couldn't see me
but you let me to keep your love to befriend me
Until the time brings us together again later

that's why you're singing that song?
what i think is not what i feel
so...
the meaning of that song is for your girl
let her keep your love (away from me) to accompany her
until the next time you get together again





that song has played all over your playlist
i never thought that this song would made me this way
i thought the one could made me feel helpless was the other one
the one that i don't think it will have enough means for me to listen
right now i don't even know the song title yet
but let it pass this time

i'm tired
i'm not right emotionally

 

is this TIMELESS love?
For it will only hurt like a moment's fever​

like this songs...
already explain my thought
my feelings

like these teary eyes
when you'll look you'll know what i'm thinking
what i'm feeling...

i wish that this feelings only hurt for a while
slowly recovering, healing
but as the time passes by
its all repeated all over again
a tired heart, lost all of my strength
how i wish that i could continue to hold you
if love can't be turned around, this moment will be forever, would be timeless
so please stop the time, make it timeless

 

get ready! JYJ!
JYJ World Tour Concert in Indonesia April, 9th 2011 in SICC (Sentul International Convention Centre)




Seating Plans


Dream Catcher Indo​

Spoiler: DD

because of the very very good news
i don't want to stain the great picture
so... i'll write in spoiler ^^

before that great news pops up
i was really upset with something that already in the past

to tell it, maybe i should go back a few more hour
i was planning my saturday nite hang out with my boyfriend
while flipping through my facebook
accidentally found that i could see friendship between 2 friends of mine
also between myself and a friend of mine

i tried it...
the first name of a friend that comes up is his
the profile pic surprise me, a picture of us in my friend's wedding
you look great

after going out with my boyfriend
(dinner in BK and watching movie - Season of a Witch)
which i expect that movie could be much more better

tried that feature again
this time, look for our friendship with everybody else
found out that we had been friends in FB since November 09
the longest time when compared with other friends
see every profile picture with everybody else
LOL at your and ica's
read the longest/funniest comment ever on mine and ica
reminiscent me to that moment, every fight, every joke, every laugh
after some curious time...
in last attempt of our friendship, there is a link of your friendship with that girl
that girl i was envious with
i tempted to see
even that profile picture of yours couldn't be compared with ours
but still that ugly feeling rose up
it was once on a friend's birthday
the one that i didn't go
but that was the past
that was the time when you were close to her
now i don't care about her now you are mine
stupid thinking

but then...
the good news come:

Mr. EGG were tweeting in Indonesia~!
that's mean should be something about JYJ concert in Indo
when i opened the page
instantly i rose up to the sky
their concert venue has been confirmed
the page was exactly like the picture above
love you Mr. EGG ^^

 

I THINK the story has just begun
the story i'd like to tell​

first of all...
before the story i'd like to tell
there is some opinion from me

one of my friend wrote don't ask "why?" or "are you alright?"

usually people do not answer these questions
i do that too...

when people asked those questions, i usually respond with "nothing, everything is alright"
or to someone that close to me i don't say anything, because i hope these people understand me naturally
that they quite understand what to do if i like that
actually, i hope that they are close enough to me to understand
what i was thinking, what i need

moreover...
because usually i do not answer those questions,
then usually i do not ask that question to the person who is close enough to me
usually if i feel quite close to them,
i waited for them to tell me their problems
i won't ask, i'm just gonna be a good listener

in any case, i tried not to interfere with other's problem
if they did tell me about their problem,
usually i just listen
if they asked my opinion,
then I spill the beans
usually, my opinions are from my point of view alone
as if i was in that other's position, experiencing the problems

but that only applies to people who are close to me
if the person is not close enough to me, although i could be a good listener, but i won't give any advice or opinion
because, i feel that i don't close enough, that i don't have the right to give any advice
and because i'm afraid that advice that i gave might have bad influence on them

but there are some people that don't tell their problem to others
usually boys do that, who has particularly high ego
who felt that by telling their problem is gonna show their weakness to others
one of the example is in #10

________________________________________________​

the story i'd like to tell is...
a draft, only a beginning of a story

recently i watch a movie called "Look For A Star"
there was a quotation, something like...

i have the idea to use that shards of glass into something else
into passage to the other world through the death
the other world which can be called heaven
when in heaven,
your existence is a manifestation of the most memorable moment in your life
there is no time, there are no age, bodies aren't grow old
you could travel anywhere, in seconds
all places are connected by warp hole
you go out from your house, then walk through the mist, then that's where your destination is, just a thought away
in heaven you could see to the world you used to life after 5 years in real world time after your death
you could seen by human as a ghost, but the human for you is as real as you are

that should be the main guide for me to continue the story
that was the first part
the second part still forming in my head

​

i don't know why, but i like to use Junsu's pic as mu profile pic in FB
i never get bored if i could see Junsu pic in display
as a fans, if you asked me how handsome Junsu is, than my answer would be "he is perfect"
but as a human, common people, i would say that he's not that handsome
no means to harm or speak ill about Junsu
but my own criteria of boys doesn't include Junsu kind of face
so... what kind of face which i think handsome?
the answer is unpredictable in everytime
right now i would say my first thoughts is him (the one that i couldn't mention and couldn't post his pic in here)
then my second thoughts is Junsu (because i'm used to see his face like all the time)
then my last thoughts is Andy Lau kind of face (because since i was a child till now, he's still on my list)

ok...
this is much longer version that above

Spoiler: difference

to make it more clear
the difference between that 3 types of man is in my reaction to their picture
when i see his pic, frown forming, i could lost in deep thoughts if continue staring at the pic
as if his pic would bring more questions, complexity that i'd like to understand more
when i see Junsu's pic, frown on my face immediately getting relaxed
a smile formed on my lips, and i could keep staring at him like all the time
i would say that, Junsu's pic is bringing me peaceful feeling
when i see Andy's movies, i just thought that he is handsome, that's all
because since i was a child, my mother said that he is the most handsome actor that time
so its become my idea of great actor till now
my friends said that he would watch the movie 'shaolin' if Jacky Chan is the lead role not Andy
my other friend stated that he wouldn't watch any Andy's movies, because he hate him
and because he is people who really live around me, in real life experiences, i hardly keep staring directly into his eyes
but if with Junsu, i which until now has not met directly with him, could keep staring at his picture
and with Andy kind of face, i never look so directly into him