Friggin' Weird Diary by Some Random Sicko

New Entry #137

Hoping the best for the future. One of the motivations for someone to go on through something unpleasant, even though he doesn't really want to. Because it will open up the path towards a new hope. Not many people would be able to take that choice, but he did, and he believed, taking that path will lead to his own victory. I want to believe, that someday, my wish will be granted, but I have to admit, I'm not that strong of person, for me to take that path. My own way of walk was through something much more pleasant, but still, it was the same as rewarding, I think. A slow and steady path, not really paved with thorns, but it's a path that's really long, it seems like it's never going to end. The ultimate test for my own patience. Am I patient enough to wait until the time comes? When that time comes, have I already prepared myself by doing my best throughout each day?

I'll never know what happens next. So, my only option is to hope, and to give my best efforts.

 

New Entry #138

At some occasions I wanna ask myself:

"What the hell am I doing with my life?"

11/10 would ruin my entire life for item farming tf2.

 

New Entry #139

Well, it's quite ironic, seeing what my last post were like. So I think, I finally decided to quit playing games online altogether. I find myself unable to manage my emotions and I find myself raging a lot more compared to having fun. It's just not fun at all, not anymore. It used to be fun, but lately I've been running into a lot of inconveniences that made me unable to play it the way I want to. Instead of having fun with a lot of people, I end up making enemies instead, or at least, I consider the other party with enmity of some sort.

At first, it's probably because I'm not good at games or something, that made me become the target to be picked on by better players, but the problem was much more than that. They not just pick on me, they just pick on anybody they want to. The problem is, I kinda took that too seriously, to the point it becomes counter-productive to me. It may not look much since I doesn't really have a tight schedule at the moment, but I kinda feel like, there's no further way to go now, I'd best be going away, finally quitting for a better life. Having this kind of memory a part of my history.

Still, I kinda kept on playing again and again in order to make that memory of terrible disastrous last play, changing it to something else, a good memory before finally finishing up. I failed, again. Altogether failing so many times only to stumble around in some other thing that grew a lot more bad memories. What did I do wrong? Nothing. It's the way I react to things that is wrong, or maybe a kind of person like me doesn't deserve playing these kind of things. To top it off, I don't want to further make a name for myself. I just want to obscure myself, not having to deal with any kind of paranoia thereafter by making more and more enemies as time passes by.

I realized something, that people might look at me as some underage kid with immature behavior, and that's how I kinda view myself as I reminisce about it way back, on my recent plays. It's kind of pathetic how I slumped down to this level. I just want to play games for fun, and I guess it's impossible, trying to achieve it with others. It would be much better if I did everything alone, a single player mode, rather than doing something that would result in utter rage. Sure, I had some good people who liked to play with me, but no, these kind of games they played with were just like, ugh, it's not suitable for a person like me, who just wanna chill out and take it slow.

It's not that fun anymore, I should quit, and I should just wallow down in my quiet place, spending some time on my own, for the time of happiness I always needed, and I knew full well, that my days of online gaming were over. I decided it will be over right now. Goodbye, it's been both such fun and frustrating time, probably more frustration than ever. I might try to play once in a while, but most likely, I would just pass on that over if it's not in my favor. I won't be as enthusiastic as the past me, but now I would embrace the past me who likes playing games alone, in a way that I want, and retain the happiness I yearned with my own way.

Farewell and goodbye, hope I won't ever immerse myself to that point I started to destroy my own life again, I felt so pathetic. I guess what one certain person said is true : the true happiness only lies on your own, anybody else along the way will ruin it--you should keep it like a treasure, buried far deep in your heart that no one else could reach, that's the only way your everlasting bliss will occur.

 

New Entry #140

You know, there's just one thing, a single thing, that, when i finally got separated from it, something inside me felt really empty. Like, there's no other thing to fill that void, now that it's gone. It kept on devouring me to no end, and it made me waste a lot of time to it. I kinda thought, maybe I could somehow be something, like, if I never really spent that much time on it, and spend it on something else that I can somehow do well on. I think it doesn't really matter since during that time I was actually having fun, but I know, all of that fun must end since it came to a point that I began to hate myself--I can't really go any further than this, there's just no point on getting better anymore. I had so many things I want to do, and it kept me going back, oh yeah, lots of disappointments, but I think this is enough. I want to make my mind set.

Goodbye, once and for all.

 

New Entry #141

I've heard something about : the value of something that goes realized, when it finally went away. You'll never know the worth of things before it's finally gone. I guess, I kind of owe some of the bastards that had seem to be giving me a hard time. Life wasn't that fun without them being around, but can't say I wanna be around them either.

Well, you learn something new everyday.

 

New Entry #142

One becomes motivated to do something for a reward. When he realize, that he didn't get what he deserved, he starts to whine. Not knowing that everyone else got similar, mostly far worse treatment than he got, but never really shown it to him. He's a hard worker yeah, and he's prolific. Yet, for some reason, none of his works really felt all that appealing to others. You know, it's not really a competition with others locally, but it's already on a global level. Competing with every other single forms of diversion, so many things people will chose over. In the end yours will be forgotten, on top of so many other things. If people chose yours, the others will be forgotten too.

At least for that time being that could be spent on doing something else. So many things to chose, so little time, and far limited are the personal preferences. As there's so many things out there, one couldn't help but think of ridiculous standards in which they could derive appeasement from. Even those who already rose to the top, can't help but feel like they're being violated from all sides. People want things from those on the top, begging so many unreasonable things to them, like they're a god or something. On the other side, they're often the objects of envy and wrath of those near them, just waiting for the right moment for someone to stab them within the back. At times, they can be supportive, but only if they felt like, they will get a personal gain out of this. Nevertheless, all of these occurrence has a chance of happening.

Though in the end, you will never know how exactly did one rose to the top, reaping all the rewards. Since you probably know yourself, that you're the best, because you gave it your all, you know full well that you gave it your very best on working, that you somehow deserved the top spot from the very beginning. It's a pity that not everyone in here shares the same belief--just replace you with them and you've got a lot of others who thought the same way. Some wants to rise to the top themselves, some other want to help them, with something in return. Some just wants to help from the bottom of their heart, demanding nothing in return, but yeah, a lot of future favors waiting.

As for you, who might just be waiting for that moment, your turn to finally shine, decided to not give it much thought. It's just, you've been working too hard for the amount of reward you get. Give it a rest will ya, it's not like people will care that much about you, so why must care at all about them? Just think about yourself, think what's best for you. I'm sure, in the long run, you will find another thing that suits your fancy, things that will bring you happiness, regardless the people who will support you are there or not. I bade thee farewell, good night.

 

New Entry #143

Hidden Content Hide Post Membutuhkan 9999 post(s):

**Hidden Content: To see this hidden content your post count must be 9999 or greater.**

 

New Entry #144

Hidden Content Hide Post Membutuhkan 9999 post(s):

**Hidden Content: To see this hidden content your post count must be 9999 or greater.**

 

New Entry #145

Hidden Content Hide Post Membutuhkan 9999 post(s):

**Hidden Content: To see this hidden content your post count must be 9999 or greater.**

 

New Entry #146

Hidden Content Hide Post Membutuhkan 9999 post(s):

**Hidden Content: To see this hidden content your post count must be 9999 or greater.**

 

New Entry #147

Hidden Content Hide Post Membutuhkan 9999 post(s):

**Hidden Content: To see this hidden content your post count must be 9999 or greater.**

 

New Entry #148

Hidden Content Hide Post Membutuhkan 9999 post(s):

**Hidden Content: To see this hidden content your post count must be 9999 or greater.**

 

New Entry #149

Hidden Content Hide Post Membutuhkan 9999 post(s):

**Hidden Content: To see this hidden content your post count must be 9999 or greater.**

 

New Entry #149

Hidden Content Hide Post Membutuhkan 9999 post(s):

**Hidden Content: To see this hidden content your post count must be 9999 or greater.**

 

New Entry #150

Hidden Content Hide Post Membutuhkan 9999 post(s):

**Hidden Content: To see this hidden content your post count must be 9999 or greater.**

 

New Entry #151

Hidden Content Hide Post Membutuhkan 9999 post(s):

**Hidden Content: To see this hidden content your post count must be 9999 or greater.**

 

New Entry #152

Hidden Content Hide Post Membutuhkan 9999 post(s):

**Hidden Content: To see this hidden content your post count must be 9999 or greater.**

 

New Entry #153

Hidden Content Hide Post Membutuhkan 9999 post(s):

**Hidden Content: To see this hidden content your post count must be 9999 or greater.**

 

New Entry #154

Hidden Content Hide Post Membutuhkan 9999 post(s):

**Hidden Content: To see this hidden content your post count must be 9999 or greater.**